Mad, bad or both?

Post Reply New Topic

Hi everyone, I've not really posted on here much, only once as to the relationship between aspies and thier parents, and other times to try and establish contact with local aspies.

But here I require the opinions of people on a more private matter.

I am obsessed with organised crime, getting revenge on others, and communicating myself through violence.
I have a history of criminal activity, a really broad one, ranging from fraud to conspiracy to murder and all sorts in between.

I do have an official diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome, and have had it re-evaluated. I definetly have AS.

My question here is, after reading details of my upbringing and my theories as to why I behave like I do, do you think it's down to mental health, or am I just generally a "bad" person?

I was bullied for 11 years throughout mainstream education. I think this was because they saw me as aloof, odd and eccentric. I was a crybaby and a taddletale. My theory as to why I was a crybaby and never threw a punch for so many years was because when I was really young my parents always told me never to hit back, always to go to the teacher's or respective authority. And as for being a taddletale, I felt that why should others get away with the things I got punished for?

I think this has had a massive effect on the way my mind works. I feel there's some sort of "bullied-turned-bully" syndrome here, as so many times I've seen it before. Adolph Hitler springs to mind, bullied as a weak child and abused by his step-father, he grew up to be a dictator and a megalomaniac.

I feel my obsession with power over others and my malicious intent is down to this upbringing.

But there are other things that make it somewhat easier for me to lead a criminal life. I have a complete lack of empathy for others, as indicated by a score of 10 on the Empathy Quotient Test written by Simon Baron-Cohen, and also my a forensic psychiatrist evaluating me and determining that my lack of empathy and remorse was somewhat dangerous to others. I know that a lack of empathy is part of being an aspie.

Also, another part of me that I feel being an aspie has to do with, is the fact that I have no respect or need for social protocol or rules. I completely disregard a belief in right and wrong, good and evil. I have no respect for traditions such as family, friends or parents.

I always see people I have relationships with, be they aqcaintances (sp?), friends or family, as playing a certain role, rather than being a real person, more as an object that I can interact with, play with, use.

My mind always works like a computer, some things do not compute, and lead me to frustration and a temper tantrum, and I merely attach emotions or show them as they need to be attached or shown. My ability to harm another human being is merely done through a robotic-like mechanism, by stripping away a care for that person, or finding a reason to want to hurt them, and then adding anger and hatred.

I am completely twisted and bitter about what happened to me as I was growing up. What part do the rest of you feel Asperger's Syndrome has to play in this?

P.S If anyone needs anymore background information, such as whether I was cruel to animals as a kid, or started fires, such is the diagnositic criteria for many a disorder, then feel free to ask.

sjc88

no clue!

I've similar upbringing and completely opposite results. Though, I thought I'd enjoy being a government assaisain, it never paned out.

your looking for an excuse to be "bad" and justifying it on your aspergers.
you have a good handle on it, self awareness is a great thing. if you felt a need to do these things then you would be perhaps considered a psychopath...otherwise liek all of us, you juat jave aspie traits and unlike a lot of us , you seem to know them well.

i too wanted to be a government assasin, hell who doesnt?

Interesting you use the term psychopath as Hans Asperger actually titled Asperger's Syndrome as "Autistic Psychopathy"

I have a lot of compassion for others and so do the majority of the aspies I have interacted with on here,without it,there would be no community.Actually,I think you are yanking our collective chain(You do love to manipulate)I think you have narcissistic personality disorder and possibly sadism?Do you enjoy inflicting pain on others?Many aspie follow rules inspite of some disregard for authority figures.I think you and possibly the individual who DXed you are very confused.Many aspies do not like the "risk" factors involved with crime and have to much anxiety to commit crimes and are poor con artists because they dont lie well or know the subtleties involved in non-verbal communication(used a lot to con people).

Over all....gotta say,I think you are way off base in your understanding of AS.

Psychopathy COULD be defined as:

Psycho -- mental
pathy -- disorder

Steve

Steve

I've got to say that many humans were such threats to me when I was a child "growing up" that I have little empathy left for them. Back then were I to be tested I might completely fail the empathy test even though if one of them were hurt and I saw them crying I would cry also. How would I have learned how to express empathy? I wasn't even permitted to understand that what they did to me hurt me.

The PC term for psychopath is sociopath now. Just putting in my 2 cents worth.

No, they are actually separate definitions.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sociopath

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopath

There is not that much difference between them, actually.

I would define both as "that personality disorder that one is most likely to see in others who have the same personality disorder that they do."

Sjc88, I feel that you are likely to have been a person who was not treated with enough compassion while he grew up. This is extremely common. It is so common that it is hard to see why more people don't murder their neighbors.

There are several reasons why they don't. Even you, Sjc88, even while obsessed with crime and all that, may be a person who basically wants to be good. The very meaning of the term "good" is naturally going to be distorted in your mind, just as it is in mine, especially those parts I can't control well, and in just about everyone on the planet. When I talk about parts of the mind that a person can't control, think of the fact that at some time in everyone's life they decide they want to be "normal." If they were in fact able to enforce their entire view of the world to be like everyone else's, or what they think everyone else's is, the world would be a hell of a lot worse. Such things tend towards the lowest common denominator of human thought and behavior. Every such change would be a net loss of information, a loss of integrity, a loss of accuracy and compassion.

Except for the fact that animals naturally show compassion and love, I would suspect that such were something like errors in the construction of the human mind, because they run counter to a lot of the reality that I perceive. A lot of that reality is because of human efforts, which they actually codify into religion, science, and society, to erase our animal heritage. There isn't anything there to erase except love and compassion. The people who do this use violence, death, destruction, fear, and paranoia. They dishonestly project onto the animals and the animal nature these negative things, which animals actually only practice when necessary while humans turn them into art forms and their idea of a "Godly" society.

I don't know if you've actually ever murdered a human. If you've murdered animals, welcome to PETA, animal control, various state legislatures, or the Division of Natural Resources. You will fit right in and you will more than satisfy your desires to perpetrate crime in an organized fashion, to cause a lot of grief among the living, and you could become a billionaire while you are at it. At the same time you could become a decorated hero, or at least a celebrity.

You're just becoming what "they" want you to become. Unfortunately, in the commission of the crimes such as you seem to be fascinated with, you will entirely fail to commit one revolutionary act that will change the world. You will simply help the human world drag itself down a little deeper.

Good luck.

"Actually,I think you are yanking our collective chain(You do love to manipulate)"
"I think you and possibly the individual who DXed you are very confused"
krex

Can I ask how you seem to "know" things about me?

All I know about you is what you have stated yourself.I dont know if what you said about yourself is true....you could be intentionally lieing for "fun" or deluding yourself.When I said I "think" something it merely means that this is my current deduction based on all available information I am given and my )sometimes)flawed logical sense which can be effected by my personal biases based on my own life experiences.

The reasons I think you and your DXer are confused about your AS is that the descriptions you give about AS are not accurate in my understanding of AS.I am no expert and didnt present myself as such.I am just one individual on a message board giving my opinions and the reasons for those opinions based on my own research of AS.I think I stated the contradictions in your description of AS,your traits and my understanding of AS.

WrongPlanet should not condone murder, nor murderers.

Mad, bad, or possibly full of sh*t?

If you've murdered somebody, you wouldn't be sitting here typing about your problems; you'd be locked up in prison.

The way you describe yourself in this thread makes you sound like a prototypical psychopath (as in antisocial personality disorder) and not an aspie.

How about the fact that I never said I murdered anyone, nor I am I completely devoid of logic so much that I would actually ADMIT to that fact...

Also neanthumain, did it ever occur to you that I might just be describing the essential parts of myself that confuse me rather than the full picture?? Forgive me if I am mistaken, but is that manipulation, or is concentrating on the small details rather than the whole picture an aspie trait in itself??

I don't feel a need to explain myself to you beyond a capacity of mutual understanding rather than one of standing up for myself against someone I don't even know, therefore I won't list the endless amount of experiences, situations and behaviours I express now and in the past that are more than enough to "prove" the fact that I AM an aspie.

Has it ever considered to any of the people who looked at this post that reacted in disdain that they simply don't want this pathetic chirade that organisations such as the National Autistic Society has put up for us tp be proven wrong? That you don't want the bubble of protection from the outside world to burst? This idea that we would never do any harm, that we're completely innocent and at risk?? Could I be one of those axe-weilding maniacs that gives you all a bad name?

Personally, I KNOW I am an aspie and I KNOW what my behaviour is, I just don't know whether it's my personality or the AS that makes me behave in such a way, which was the point in this post. And if I am to "drag the human world down a little deeper" (remnant), then it will be as an aspie, and a proud one at that.

A little information by the way, for those of you that reacted in such a way that you simply cast me aside as nothing to do with you or what you have. After I my initial subject post, I did a little reading up at a nearby libraby and found a book called "Autistic Spectrum Disorders; An Introductory Handbook For Practitioners" by Rita Jordan. At some point during the book, forgive me for not knowing precisely when (but if those of you who truly do believe I am trying to manipulate you, for whatever illogical reason in manipulating a discussion board there may be, I will provide the exact page and the exact quote).

In this book, it stated that antisocial behaviour is often a defence mechanism in Asperger's Syndrome/Kanner's Classic Autism. A way of protecting oneself from harm through closeness. Now this would make sense as I have not only been bullied but also had a LOT of bad relationships, be they intimate or not.

Also, to clarify this, I spoke to an advisor at Autism Initiative, based in Liverpool, UK, who then went on to tell me that even though a dual disorder of Antisocial Personality Disorder may well be the answer to the behaviours that I have already expressed concern about, but that the information provided in the aforementioned book, may well be true.

hi sjc88 do not let the politicaly correct brainwash you, i believe after speaking to other Aspies that we do not like other people who we feel have power over us, it is also a common AS trait to challenge authority.

As for the organized crime that could be your own personality or some sort of wanting to control the environment in which you live.