When people INSIST you don't have Aspergers...

Post Reply New Topic

This is something that REALLY bothers me...
What is it with nasty people who will insist you don't have Aspergers, that it's a made-up condition, and/or you are just imagining mental problems and making excuses for your shortcomings. I'm not talking about the milder cases where somebody says "you don't seem like you really have Aspergers, I never would have guessed" - I mean those who are much more abrasive, and extreme about it. Basically denying your existence as an Aspie and/or that the condition exists.

I find a lot of bullies or bully-types will use this - I've heard stories here and there of it happening to other Aspies - one time in an online chat forum, where a guy with Aspergers was tormented by another user who insisted that he didn't have Aspergers and he's making it up for attention and get over it, stop being a loser and take control of your life, BLA BLA BLA...and the fact the exchange was online clearly makes you wonder the same thing that I do, how the hell could he pass judgement on the Aspie when he'd never even met him face-to-face or knew of any details beyond his user profile??! !?

It really is sickening...to me, it's the quasi-equivalent of telling a Jew that the Holocaust never happened. OK maybe not nearly as bad, but it's still a VERY flippant and invalidating response, I've had it said to my face on one occasion where I just wanted to punch the speaker but showed restraint. Having said that, I more often than not believe that the "you don't have Aspergers" response is not something the speaker/bully actually believes, but something they know will push your buttons and get you furious, which is the reaction they want to provoke for their amusement.

In the end, you just have to deny them that satisfaction and maybe introduce a little sarcasm, like "Well, you seem to be very confident in your opinions. You should attend a symposium of medical professionals at the next conference on autism and share your insights with the panel on why you think it doesn't exist."

That sort of talk is an easy way to know who you don't need to be communicating with online or in person.

I'm not diagnosed, but I've suspected for about 10 years or more. I've mentioned it to four people total, one a psychiatrist - all said no with hostility. It's not fun to have people be a jerk about something personal you are sharing, but I figure in the end, it won't really help me any if I convince people I have it. I'm the only one who can help myself - so I don't talk about it any more.

I get your frustration.

There are several rude people on these very forums that have accused me of not being on the spectrum because I do not have an official diagnosis from a qualified psychiatrist. You can have your official diagnosis all you want, I know what my entire life's experiences have been and how they compare to texts on the subject.

I do get a little annoyed, but I don't want to punch them in the face over it. I just carry on knowing what I know as their opinions don't influence my life one iota.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I once told my doctor I have Asperger's. She made a little guttural sound like "hmph", as if she didn't believe me. She asked me how do I know I'm on the spectrum. I told her I was screened for it by a licensed clinical psychologist who's specialty is autism and Asperger's. My doctor never said a word about it again but I still believe that she doesn't think I'm on the spectrum. Again, I don't look like the stereotype people are used to seeing - Rain Man. You'd expect more from a medical professional, though.

If ordinary people tell you that you don't have an ASD after you've received a diagnosis of an ASD from at least one appropriately-trained, licensed and experienced mental-health practitioner, they their opinions are irrelevant, and you can simply ignore them.

If instead you have never had an official diagnosis (a self-diagnosis is not "official"), and a myriad of people tell you that you do not have an ASD, then their collective opinions carry far more weight, and it is more likely that you do not have an ASD.

Only appropriately-trained, experienced and licensed mental-health professionals can make a valid diagnosis of an ASD, and online tests can not provide an objective ASD diagnosis, either.

I think also that people consider it a fad diagnosis, which in their minds means it's not real. The whole "It's so overdiagnosed" idea. If it's over diagnosed, then obviously anyone who claims to have it must not really have it. Obviously.

It helps me to go back to the basics on this.... know thyself.
It hurt when my mentor told me I was not an Aspie because psychology was his area before he retired. But I had to realize I knew myself better than anyone (even him).
My opinion to myself is worth the most.

I went through this when I was diagnosed back in 2007. Several family members and friends refused to believe the diagnosis, insisting that I could not possibly be on the spectrum. I long ago developed the strategy of asking questions in order to determine if the person was simply confused or had underlying motivations for their behavior.

So I asked these people to define AS. None could give even a vague description, let alone a precise one, and one accused me of being pedantic and professorial. This same person also accused me of faking an EEG, at which point I gave up on her. Others have come around to the idea, and a few now accept it. A couple even call me when they have questions about ASDs.

Nowadays I'm not bothered. I find it a useful screening tool to help me determine how much effort to put into friendships. If someone cannot even take the time to find out what an ASD is, then that person is likely not worth my time or effort.

Note: Prior to my diagnosis, a psychologist I saw regarding sensory integration disorder told me I couldn't have AS because I would have been diagnosed as a child. When I pointed out that the diagnosis didn't exist at that time, she accused me of being adversarial and confrontational. I stopped going to her. Such irrationality abounds.

I was told that I'm " too smart to have autism" when I told my mom.

I can not think of a circumstance in which I would engage in conversation with a person who contradicts a medical diagnosis.

I have learned the hard way that discussions of that type often just pointlessly indulge the other person's ego.

I have been through that with others about my being gay (the whole choice/sinner dialogue), then again about my being a recovering alcoholic ( "you don't drink at all? that's dumb"). So with regard to my Asperger's, I redirect conversations that I sense are starting down that path.

There is also a lot of people out there that don't really believe that any psych condition exists, that psychology in general is an invalid science. These people generally believe that you can just "get over" anything if you just apply enough willpower.
Denial is one of the worst psych disorders.