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Oceanica
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26 Nov 2013, 11:46 am

I'm getting a befriender. But, i'm un-sure how to go about getting to know this person once they have been allocated to me. I'm 21, have aspergers syndrome and the befriender will eventually be visiting me twice a week. I'm not used to going out much, i'm not used to being around people who aren't in my family. How do I go from being in the house most of the time, to having a stranger become my befriender and taking me to places. Any help is appreciated.



OddFiction
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26 Nov 2013, 12:40 pm

O.o.... Waht in blazes is a "be-friend-er"?


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Oceanica
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26 Nov 2013, 12:46 pm

Basically a befriender is someone hired to be a friend to you. They have some knowledge of autism and they go out with you, to wherever. Or do what you want to do.



Bodyles
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26 Nov 2013, 3:32 pm

Never really heard of that before.
Typically, friends are made by those with compatible interests and personalities.
I'm not sure how that would apply in your case, as it's certainly possible that they will assign someone who is not compatible with you.
Maybe your first step would be to try to see if you can get along with this person and enjoy their company.
If not, I'd imagine that would defeat the purpose.



Oceanica
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26 Nov 2013, 3:36 pm

Okay, but what type of things can I do with them on their first meeting? I'm not really socialised.. I don't want to go out with them, but I guess what i'm trying to ask is, what kind of things indoors can you do that will help you get to know someone without much talking.



hyksos55
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26 Nov 2013, 3:45 pm

How about watching a movie or playing a game. The interaction is minimal and you could pick up how the person reacts to things and go from there.


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Oceanica
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26 Nov 2013, 4:11 pm

Okay, thanks.



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26 Nov 2013, 4:21 pm

Playing a board or card game together would give a chance for conversation to happen. For me, on the first time that may be a bit much, in the event that the befriender tries too hard to prompt conversation beyond what I am ready for and talks too much.

Watching a movie together would be a way to get comfortable with the befriender being in the same room, while providing less opportunity for him/her to be overly chatty.

Playing a video game together might be an in-between choice. There would be more verbal interaction than a movie, but it would most likely have a more comfortably pre-determined topic: the game-play.



Oceanica
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26 Nov 2013, 4:55 pm

Ah yes. Hm, I think I might go for the game board option. Just because my dog isn't too friendly with strangers and the tv is in the living room where my dog would be. The only other tv is in my room, but I haven't got room for any chairs. So due to all that, I think the game board route is the way I might go. If the befriender tries to be chatty, I'll just not speak much! They'll get the message... I hope lol.



OddFiction
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13 Dec 2013, 7:17 pm

I find this idea to be a bit amusing.
Not that I'm trashing it - I think it might actually have some good advantage.
If they know anything about ASDs, that is.
You could ask them, after a public activity, or interaction with someone, if you behaved in any way unusual, and to explain to you exactly what it was. This is probably my greatest problem - I sometimes don't know why people look at or react to me funny. You now have an interpreter - I'd say take all the advantage you can out of that.



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13 Dec 2013, 8:50 pm

This befriender probably has experience working with people who have an ASD and already knows that you'll not be up to too much talking so they won't likely press you for a conversation and let you set what you want to do when they come and visit. Don't let it bother you so much and try and see the good things that can come from it. You may find a good friend in this and have a great time you never know. Good luck.


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aaronzx
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13 Dec 2013, 9:17 pm

Oceanica, I am interested in knowing how this went (goes). Keep us updated :)



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14 Dec 2013, 4:47 am

Oceanica wrote:
I'm getting a befriender. But, i'm un-sure how to go about getting to know this person once they have been allocated to me. I'm 21, have aspergers syndrome and the befriender will eventually be visiting me twice a week. I'm not used to going out much, i'm not used to being around people who aren't in my family. How do I go from being in the house most of the time, to having a stranger become my befriender and taking me to places. Any help is appreciated.


That is really the befriender's problem, not yours. Just try to enjoy the ride, and give some indication of what feels better or worse.