Establishing connections with random people

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As an aspie, I have never understood how people manage to do this. I am visiting with my friend and his dad in another state and the dad is a popular extrovert. We went bar hopping last night and everybody knew him at every bar we went to. They would address him by his first name and shake his hand, high five him, or give him a hug. Even the attractive women chatted and laughed with him. It's not his looks because he is a regular looking guy, but he just has a way with people. I have seen people do this my entire life and I have never understood it. I'm a creature of habit like most Aspies and I tend to go to the same restaurants, stores,events etc. but I never seem to make social connections through those things like normal people. Can any of you relate to this?

I usually have no idea how to connect with people. I have coworkers that would make good friends but I don't know how to make that happen even though we talk a lot. I've been told before that I ask people to hang out as friends the way others ask people on a date... which probably means I ask people on dates like Truman ordered them to drop the bombs...

Yes. I go to the same places all the time - shops, cafes etc. The opposite happens to me. The more I go to those places and see the same people, the more uncomfortable I feel. I sometimes eventually become too uncomfortable to see those people and just quit going there. I'm very good at putting people off. I have no idea how I'm doing it.

A big thing is that he's not going there by himself. He has a wingman, or maybe a couple of wingmen. Plus, he's probably casually undertrying. And then, if it works out, great. And if it doesn't work out, that's fine, too.

I don't know how people do it. But more to the point I don't know why they want to.

well it's different if you don't "need" socialization. NT's and some aspies receive cortisol and oxytocin responses as neurological rewards for socializing. if they don't socialize these chemical levels drop and they begin feeling depressed. They cannot get their brains to produce these chemicals without socializing. I know for me I went around 6 months without socializing more than once a week and it made me psychotic. I couldn't function, I was depressed and angry all the time and had uncontrollable irrational thoughts. I hit a tipping point and made an effort to reconnect with some friends/family and all my symptoms went away.

That is true. AS people need socialization too. Often just not as much as NTs. Also, AS people need the right kind of socialization (as do NTs). The wrong kind of interaction can worsen the mood of an AS person (even lead to depression), for instance sometimes some types of traditional NT socialization (aimed at hierarchy and group building).

There are other ways to socialize besides having "connections with random people."

Maybe, but having been a bartender at several different bars there are some people that just walk into a room, solo, and their charisma enables them to just be the centre of attention. People stop and greet them & are happy to see them. It just is what it is.

As per my post above about Charisma, I don't think it's so much that they want to do it as it is that they just do it. It just happens. It just is what it is for some people with no specific effort put forth to make it so.

I definitely have friends like this, I am just in awe of how charismatic they are, how they can know so many people, how they can genuinely enjoy being around such a variety of people. For me, it can be boring, annoying, consterning, or just ridiculous.

Bear in mind that we all have certain inherent talents. My charming friends are blown away by my ability with patterns in maths and music; they are really uncomfortable in science lectures! So, it's great that we are all different and can appreciate and learn from each other. Maybe you don't have to worry so much about being like someone else.

In terms of getting connected with people, I truly feel most people are boring, predictable, and copies of others, blindly following traditions, trends, and the media. However, about 8 years ago I was working in a pain treatment clinic with lots of crazy people with long-term pain,… I decided I had to figure out how to like people and how to "get along" with strangers. The key thing was finding just ONE THING about the person that I liked - maybe something I admired, something amusing (even if it was addiction to nicotine), or perhaps the role that they had as a stoic mother doing their best with their sad situation etc. In most cases I have find I can deal with people by appreciating that one cool, unique thing about them and showing them that this is special and valuable, despite my deep-down opinion that they are confusing, emotional, social creatures.

Good luck!

Um yes and no on relating to it. I am like well known where I go. Like we eat at my fav places and usually they know me because they see me there so much. They already know what I want cause I always order the same thing of course. But it is not the other way around. I forget ppl really easily. Sometimes ppl scare me cause they come up to me and say "Hi Ezra! how are you?" or w/e and I can not remember who they are.

I have friends like this as well who just know how to talk to people and make them love you. Whenever we go out they can talk anyone up so easily and I'm just sort of the quite one haha. For me, I can observe the behaviour and see what they are doing and saying but I can't put it into practice myself. I can only taking bits and pieces and create my own "script" to fake my way through to a certain point.

I too enjoy my places of habit, I feel comfort going to the restaurants and pubs that I'm familiar with. Otherwise I'm lost.

that's the way my friends dad is.. He isn't the best looking guy or anything but he can chat with attractive women effortlessly and make them laugh.

there is a little restaurant I take the guy I care for to. I know all of the waiters/ waitresses and they know exactly what we like to eat. I actually don't like the owner as much because he got mad at one of the waitresses for stopping to talk with me and humor my guy's repetitive non-sequitur phrases.