Levels of Aspie

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I am a parent of a twelve yr old girl who I am beginning to believe may be an Aspie. What I would like to know is about is, what I have read some refer here as, high-functioning Aspie's. This may help me in knowing how to understnd some of my daughters behaviors. From what I have seen here is that many people do not get properly diagnosed until the are in their preteens or teens. She has had other diagnosis' - all which have been wrong and we still struggle with her behavior, both at home and increasingly at school. - Some things I would like to know are: she has always been loathe to make eye-contact (just last week her Principal yelled at her for not looking at her or the teacher when they talk to her) but she does make eye-contact sometimes (especially at me when she is in a rage). She is also social but can not maintain relationships for more than a few months, mainly because she can be overbearing, insensitive, controlling, etc. - the parents of kids she makes friends with do not generally like her because of her intensity. The other kids in her class do not like her for the same resons and she often is stressed about having to go to school, even though she loves learning. She is obsessed with talking on the phone - yes I understnd that it is a preteen girl thing - but she has a cell phone and freaks out if she can not be on it all the time. Often she is not even having conversations with friends, just humming or making strange sounds. She has also had to call me ALL the time. I can not go out with friends without her calling a dozen times. She calls me at work, at the grocery store - everywhere she can. So, if anyone could respond to some of these queries - I would greatly appreciate it.

I am assuming you have not told her what you think the problem is, and I would actually guess that if you told her she would become defensive. Especially since you say she is controlling, being told she is the source of all her own problems may make her defensive. But what if you introduced her to this website, or found a way for her to "accidentally" read up on aspergers? Just an idea based on my own experience.

She can't change if she doesn't accept herself as needing to change. For me, it took years to accept that I had a problem but I'm glad I learned of it years ago so I could get used to the concept.

And by problem, I don't mean that Aspergers itself is always a problem. It can be, depending on how it is manifest, and disablity vs gift it all relative. But since disabilities often accompany gifts, its important to minimize the disablities so that full potential can be realized.

If her calling you constantly is inconveniencing you, you need to set strict boundaries. Tell her that she is only allowed to call you x number of times within a given time frame, whether it is 5 times a day, or once every 2 hours or during certain times, or whatever is reasonable. Perhaps you can start off with a bigger number and gradually lower it. If she is an aspie set numbers will really restrict her. When anyone tells me to get "a few" of something, I always want to ask for an exact number. They will say 6 for example, and even though I know that the exact number is not important to them, as they thought of 6 offhand, I always have to grab the right amount, even if it is inconvenient for me. The same may apply to phone calls. If she feels she absolutely has to call you and defies the rules, do not answer the phone. But always be there for her when she follows your rules.

She may hate this, but because Aspies thrive on order, it will ultimately make her better adjusted and over time she will feel less and less like she has to call you. "Tough love" is a cliche, but it is useful in training.

She may call you so often because she is insecure and wants constant reassurance that you are there for her. If this is the case, setting up rules will help her, because she will recognize you as an order in her life, and will no longer feel the need to call you to receive that order, because you have set up rules that demonstrate order. It will also make here aware of boundaries, which applies to other people as well.

I may be off, but it is an idea.

Lomai,

I don't think there IS a term "high functioning aspie" Maybe you mean "high functioning autism". AS is SIMILAR to HFA in a lot of ways, and starts to blur after 2 in many cases.

People probably often don't care until they are in their teens. ALSO, it often takes a while. Frankly, if I were a psychiatrist, I would probably try to avoid it until 6 or older.

The maintaining relationships until broken because she is overbearing doesn't sound like AS to me. The REST COULD be a misunderstanding of Autistic traits.

Talking on the phone as she does also doesn't sound AS, of course it is ALWAYS more likely for a female. Sorry gals, but it is true!

You don't even seem to be making a case for Autism, let alone AS!

BTW "symptoms" of Autism/AS generally start appearing BY 2-3. Did she develop normally(All the milestones hit between the norms)? If so, she almost certainly doesn't have autism or AS. Does she seem to understand non verbal language well? If so, she almost certainly doesn't have autism/AS. Does she have any sensitivity issues with the 5 senses(absurdly more or less sensitive)? If not she may not have autism/AS. For a proper AS diagnosis, SHE would have to reveal some feelings, as well as you revealing things before she was 2. For Autism, SHE may still have to reveal how she feels.

Steve

I disagree, it's better to diagnose it as early as possible.

I used to be incredibly anti-social- even as a baby! Mhy mother brought me to a special school for autistics and I became a little "better".

I call my mom at work alot. she was getting into trouble with her boss because i called several times a day. I started emailing my mom to tell her whatever i wanted. that cut down the phone calls alot.

Anti social even as a BABY? How did THAT work? Basically, many autistics, and apparantly nearly every single AS person hit or beat every milestone. So, prior to 2, if they look normal, WHO would care? They may even expect oddities until 4-5 or so. With ME, the school didn't seem concerned at all until like 6. They said I wasn't socializing with the other students well. Unfortunately, AS and I guess Autism didn't exist as a diagnosis then. Also, I think the psychiatrist most have been looking at paying for his vacation. 8-(

Steve

She has always had the sensitivty issues: didn't like having her hair brushed or her teeth, hates many food textures, would become anxious when the vacuum was running, still can not flush loud toilets, was not able to deal with sound of shower or tub filling. She also has never been able to pick up on non-verbal communication well. I have mentioned this, over the years, to her doctors but they have never said much about it. She is often in others space and doesn't know when she is being annoying, controlling, etc. because she does not appear to understand non-verbal cues.

Get real Steve! Autistics can do what you do, and sometimes better; so consider the posibility of "normal" us? Let's make my case, I am curently... OK, too drunk tocomit right now, but challenge me at any time when I'm sober. What about y'all? Anibody doubt I'm autistic?

In most cases, *******ANYBODY******* on the internet, let alone anybody here, can put an LFA TO SHAME!! !! !! ! THAT is why they are called LOW FUNCTIONING Autistics. Granted, that is FAR less likely with an HFA, but did I say ANYTHING against HFAs????? NOWAY!

I doubt anyone here would! Now, if you are drunk, maybe you can wait till you are sober, and reread my post! ALSO, be SURE to concentrate on the line that says: "AS is SIMILAR to HFA in a lot of ways, and starts to blur after 2 in many cases."!

What I meant by that is that BASICALLY AS is a very high functioning HFA that gets there by 2. HFA just means they meet at least most of the criteria and are self supporting when diagnosed. They may even seem identical, or even better than AS people! LFAs have autism, but don't fit those criteria. GRANTED some LFAs may be VERY good with math, or may talk well, etc... HECK, they may even do better than I do there. Overall, the medical industry doesn't consider them to be self supporting, etc... because of their deficiencies.

GEE, I can't even avert a misunderstanding I prepared for!

BTW I won't scream it from the mountain tops, but I feel I MUST be autistic. When I was younger, I had a TON of "symptoms". If someone is persecuted around me fo AS or autism, I will try to counter it. I'm not saying anything against autism in general either.

Steve

Last edited by SteveK on 20 Jan 2007, 10:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

LoMai, I can identify a lot with your daughter's "intensity." I seem to be very "intense," too, and this puts off most, if not all, people. A diagnosis might be helpful as she is still young and maybe she can learn to better cope with people and the world if she is provided with the tools to do so.

Sounds like she has some Aspergers tendancies, but the constant calling sounds more like bi-polar or OCD behaviors. Most Aspies would rather not be talking on phone to anyone and my understanding is most Aspies prefer to isolate themselves even from parents instead of wanting to talk to them all the time. Have you ever had her evaluated?

So why don't you find a psychologist/psychiatrist who specializes in autistic disorders and get her evaluated?

I agree. The constant calling sounds like an OCD checking compulsion to me. I have yet to hear of an Aspie who actually likes talking on the phone. Is she calling you to see if you're okay or if you're there? If so, she may have an obsession that you're going to die or leave her, and calling to reassure herself that you're okay is the compulsion.
-OddDuckNash99-

even the ringing of the phone is enough to drive me up the wall