How can I control my emotions for her?

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It's me again.

I'd say in real life, I am very socially inept. I don't like that I am that way, but I am that way. Besides not knowing what things to talk about, I also get anxiety attacks. These include signs like a racing heart, hot flushes and depression. The usual doubtful feelings and awkwardness.

I find it's difficult for me to sit still for very long in a place where there are lots of crowds and noise. Typically, a lot of dating events are arranged in bars and the people that attend will drink a lot. They are not really ideal for autistic people. My mate and I have been to some events that we learned about through the website meetup.com, but now I can see we're wasting our time. Perhaps we need to get involved in a group that isn't for dating, like a sports team or maybe a movies group.

Well, I have support workers who help me every week. I fancy my main key worker. She knows I like her and after an altercation over it, we agreed it won't happen again. You of course can understand why you cannot have relationships with anybody allocated to help you. She cannot date me because she's a carer for me. When I put my arm around her a few times, I was well warned that she'd have to leave my flat if I did it again. And her bosses could even take her off of my roster of support personnel completely if they suspect the boundaries are being crossed. Apart from that, she said she wouldn't date me anyway. She told me she'd never date people she worked with in her job. I'm one of them, obviously. She also may go to another country eventually, as she stated it was rather cold here in the winter time. She's from Spain.

Now since I really appreciate all her help and I don't want us to fall out, I'd be a moron to screw things up between us. I'm lonely and I feel frustrated about being all alone, but unfortunately, I cannot date support personnel at all. The last time I got temptations to bug another lady, she stopped having shifts with me. It's just not allowed. However, I think it's difficult to get involved with complete strangers, having rarely done it before. It's all very well others saying to get out there and meet new people, but you have to admit that when you have autism, it can be extremely difficult to take the bull by the horns.

What should I do to ensure I won't go too far with my beloved carer?

Think of her as your sister or your cousin. Then you will be grossed out by the thoughts of anything inappropriate with her.

Um, I guess that might work. Ha ha!

Hi Peter,

It's natural to feel attraction to people in close proximity when you feel alone. What I used to find when I get fixated on one person is to try and put myself in social groups or environments where i) there are lots of other people and ii) I made associations (even though none turned into friendships and iii) I'd keep myself as busy as possible without burning myself out.

It's natural to fancy support workers, carers, counsellors - it goes with the territory.

Remind yourself you have a paid relationship with this person, conditioned by precise boundaries.

I had a support worker for 4 years. After a particularly traumatic session which i spent mainly sobbing like a baby, she offered me a hug. I refused, saying I needed boundaries.

Boundaries are important.

Yeah, I agree, it can be easy to start to think you care about someone when you spend a lot of time in close proximity to them.

What I'd suggest doing is getting another carer--a male one, since fancying your your carers seems to be a pattern for you--and forget about the female carer you fancy. It seems as though she's plain not interested in you at all, even if she wasn't your caretaker.