Half-paranoid ramblings on what people think of me

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I'm starting to realize more and more things. I have often told some friends who are embarrassed by a situation or by some thing they did or are considering doing (things that are challenging the social rules but not harming anyone, like dressing in a weird way or going to places where you are supposedly "not allowed") that they should do whatever they want and not care about what other people may think because you have no way to know what they think, and they have no reason to think anything about what you're doing so most of them probably couldn't care less. For me it was something as clear as crystal. But I am now realizing that I was probably unknowingly mapping my own mental processes to other people. I really feel that I, deeply, couldn't care less about what other random people are doing. They can have blue hair, walk in the street naked, cross "forbidden" places, or do absolutely whatever they want ; if what they are doing looks interesting or beautiful I will enjoy it, otherwise unless it directly threaten my physical or emotional wellbeing I will just not pay attention.

In a world view where everyone works that way, which I had assumed until now and now realize is probably wrong, you only have to be concerned about a fringe of bigots and judgemental people whose passion in life happens to be watching other people, looking if they are behaving by the rules, and making some rude comment or other hostile action. But from what I read "neurotypical" people have some kind of intuitive sensory processing that let them pick up information on the way you are behaving even if they are not really paying attention or even wanting to collect any information. That would mean that unlike what I was feeling, random other people do constantly watch what I'm doing, even if it is in an unconscious way, and use that to build some kind of model or idea of me, and automatically draw some kind of conclusion or judgement. And despite that model and conclusions influencing that behavior with me, most of them never speak their mind out.

That prospect makes me sound (and feel) paranoid. I am a bit afraid by the idea that everyone is automatically picking up my every quirk and surface behaviour and using that kind of dubious input to build a map of myself. What do you think of all that ? How do you cope with that kind of thoughts if you share them ?

(I am sorry if my questions are naive or stupid. It have been only five days since I have discovered, with a weird mixture of relief and terror, that my behaviors and mental processes probably match the AS diagnostic. I am trying to analyse my own inner workings and behaviours in the light of what I read, and the results are often shocking to me. I suppose many of you have been through this a long time ago.)

I can really relate to this.
I started thinking like that a long time ago, due to being bullied and harshly judged, openly and frequently by many different (and often random) people. It's truly baffeling that all of the little things I do can be translated as monumentally offensive. I actually have a very difficult time making myself go around people intentionally, because I don't want to deal with this type of ridiculous human behaviour, and having to explain myself or feel the need to apologise so much is too exhausting.
However, in reading your post, I think it's helped me to see what a waste of time that is, and that I really, truly should just be living and enjoying my life. I'm not an a**hole, I try the best I can to take everyone into consideration, and even when I'm blunt and honest, it really is just that. Honesty. I'm never intentionally rude, and when I am rude on accident, I am profusely sorry.

I'm so exhausted with living my life around the way other people may or may not perceive me, I really don't recommend it.

The point is that I don't make so many social missteps... but it is because I am a generally "shy" guy and don't try to socialize much or to take initiatives in social contexts. From what I am told by other people, my behaviour when trying to socialize is never outrageous but always awkward. It is the same for other things ; for example the way I almost always dress can mostly be described as very simple. I imagine in most contexts it will be OK, in some it will be a bit too formal, in some t will be a bit too informal, but it will rarely be completely out-of-bounds. And people probably also forgive me my weird behaviour because I make many efforts to be friendly and helpful. Those efforts are often clumsy (or so I am told) but probably leave little doubt on my "good faith".

Now that I think of it, it probably explains the people in my relations (both friends and colleagues). My family and my lover have often commented that I know how to choose friends and coworkers and all the people I know are genuinely kind and "good" persons. I think it is just that I bonded to the very few persons that would not stop at social clumsiness and would perceive the "hey people, I just want to be nice" signal. behavior. That is a rather fortunate effect of how I managed my condition

Still, you are right. Having AS should make me extra cautious to do my best not to hurt people unknowingly, but not prevent me from doing what I desire with my life and condemn me to remain "bland" if that's not what I want. It is much clearer now.