People think I'm an as*hole

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I get a phone call at work. I'm not supposed to answer the phone as it's for emergencies only. I assume it's an emergency. It's my GF saying that she can't figure out how to tune the radio on her new car and I shouldn't have messed with the stations. My boss hears the conversation and I'm told to get back to work.
I tell my GF that she shouldn't ring me if she can't figure out how to tune the radio stations. I'm told not to be an a**hole.

Apparently, this is not the way to tell people not to ring me for something.

Does anyone else have this kind of issue? If only there was some way I could filter the things I say so that i don't come across as rude when I tell people things.

Grrr

I do as well. I guess that's just part of being aspie/autie and needing to make sure things are taken care of.

Do you ever think that people in general are paranoid and hypersensitive/insecure today?

It is this weird ass belief system they have going. They seem to think its intelligent to add meaning to things when that meaning is not really there. The more meaning they can add to stuff, the brighter they think it makes them look, even if that meaning is nonexistent.

It's the in thing, *shrugs*.

The problem is they think that nonexistent meaning is some great truth about life and the Universe as we know it. It's nothing because it not really real.

I call it the Santa Claus syndrome, especially at this time of year. Todays rubbishy belief system so prevalent in society is no different to believing in mythical entities that simply do not exist.

A belief system is just that, a belief system. It's not a fact. Most belief systems are ignorant and ill informed.

Anyway:

I see nothing a**hole like about your comment. It's probably not a good idea to ring someone at work because they can't tune in a radio. It's not exactly an emergency.

People are unreasonable sometimes. I have spoken to a number of Aspies since using this site, not many of them come across as a**holes to me.

Last edited by bumble on 19 Dec 2013, 5:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Your GF was likely feeling angry and frustrated with herself and with the car when she picked up the phone to you. I don't think you had a good way out of that situation. It's not rational, you just have to accept the blow and move on.

If I had called my husband at work to ask about the radio, he would have said "Don't f*****g call me for that here!" and hung up. I would have called him an a**hole when he got home. You did nothing wrong.

Also, try not to generalise so much. You GF is not "people". It's a single case. Remember context.

Anybody who calls you at work for something so mundane, knowing your job is not one that allows or requires you to be using the phone, is a twit.

She risked getting you fired over the stupid presets on her radio. It's her radio, if she doesn't know how to operate it, she needs to learn, by reading the damn manual.

If she's got an issue with how you tuned the stations, she can tell you when you're not at work. She's the a$$h0le.

I assume you had explained to her previously the nature of your work and the importance that she not ever contact you on that number unless it is a genuine emergency, in which case, she should not have rung you at all.

But also keep in mind, she was probably messing with that thing for ages and getting all kinds of frustrated before finally resorted to ringing you, maybe already in a bad mood. I know I get really mad at my husband when he touches my stuff without asking me first, and I either can't find it or can't use it until he comes home, and maybe I really needed it or just was so disappointed to not have it available. I always either ask him, or let him know before I change HIS universe!!
It makes me feel unloved and disrespected, like he thinks he can do whatever he wants and I don't even matter.

Ok, I just explained that because I wanted to give you a possible explanation for how your gf might be feeling. Maybe it's not accurate in your case, you could ask her. If this is accurate, then your response on the phone is not your real mistake, but touching her radio was. Not everyone is as good figuring out how that stuff works, and if she already had it set up once, then it would seem really uncaring to her that you would just go and mess it up thoughtlessly, leaving her to go through all that again.

Just trying to show you the possible other side

Dont say "dont call me for X" when what you mean is "only call me for Y" .

You coulda said "you know I cant talk unless its an emercency. And besides- the boss is yelling at me right now." Anyone can relate to that.

But people do go ape shiite about messing with their car radios. My gf and I got into a fight after she invited me to listen to the car radio while she stepped out of the car, and then told me how rude it was for me touch her car radio! Grrrrr!

Yup, and that single case may not be typical for her. If she's frustrated and angry at you, she'll take your abruptness more personally than she otherwise would.

Did you apologize? That might help smooth things over. You didn't deliberately try to annoy her, but you did accidentally do so, and it's okay to apologize for something even if you only did it accidentally. An apology can mean, "If I'd known it would annoy you, I wouldn't have done that." Explain about your boss breathing down your neck about not using the phone line except for emergencies, so you were probably more abrupt with her than you meant to be.

Try to work out an agreement for the radio, too--maybe program in both people's favorite stations so you can just hit the button for yours when you use the car, and she can do the same. And for heaven's sake, don't mess with her pre-programmed stations. She seems like a girl who really needs her music to stay sane in traffic.