Going out to dinner

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Does anybody have any advice? - I have to go out with a group that all knows each other, but I don't know any of them very well. I want to make a good impression, but I'm not going to try to overdo or anything. So far the only good advice I've gotten is to ask questions, but I think you have to do more then that, at least just a little... anyone have any help to offer? Thanks!

Just be polite and speak little and see what happens....?

No. Just listen with apparent fascination to everything everybody else says, and make sympathetic noises from time to time or say, "Oh, why do you say that?" Everyone there will be more worried about how they are coming off than they will be worried about you.

Well the problem is that while I intend to stay mostly quiet because I've learned not to try to force myself to act out in these situations, I want them to think of me as having something to contribute, not just a log who has nothing of her own to say. As I said, they all know each other so some of them have a jump on me and they're very gregarious and territorial (sort of). It will help me in the future if I can do it now. But there's going to be a bunch of people at this dinner so i don't have to worry about talking to everyone, just the people i"m near, I think.

I hope the food will be good.

Cant you like not have to go out with them ?.

I would find that extremly awkward if i had to be in your position.

Its just like you sit there like someone who doesnt belong. Uh. reminds me of way way way back xmas dinners as a kid Being stuck at that freaking table ALL night long.

Its even worse when you can feel like people dont wanna talk to you, not sure if its just me, but i seem to have this ability to sense, that people dont really wanna talk to be, it becomes even more awkward :S

So how did the dinner go?

It was ok. Restaurant was loud, the more boisterous people carried the conversation, I just added stuff once in a while. I was reminded of something I forgot - these "Normal' people are kind of boring. Very sweet and all, but do they ever talk about anything besides their familes, work and commuting? If a bunch of Aspies get together is it more interesting or would we be competing to be the one talking? it was fun though.

I am glad you had some fun For me, the rare social event is like a science experiment. It is interesting to just sit back and listen to how NTs talk to each other (just like you did). I am also amazed at how they find the mundane things about each other so fascinating. I have learned that to the NT that type of sharing is their bonding. They need it.
It makes me glad I am not an NT because I have no need or desire to bond with the masses (or just about anyone). I have the need to be a part of humanity, but it is in a different and more limited way.

Over the years I have found that people like to talk about themselves. In groups like the one you went to, I try to pick out one thing from their mundane talk that I have a little interest in... such as maybe gas milage on the commute. I then ask them direct questions about that topic which requires them to answer by sharing their thinking on the topic. For example: "What do you think about the new hybrid or electric cars?" People love to be asked their opinion. Listening to them answer takes up time. I don't go back in forth in conversation because I can't really do that. But I do try to just listen and let them talk. In a group setting, it is usually enough for me to do the above magic trick to get myself a nice silent break while others all pitch in on their own ideas. I sit there and usually have my head tilted slightly and just look at them talking. They think I hear them.

I am really thinking "They sure do enjoy talking to each other... this odd species here on planet Earth. Very interesting creatures to observe their social behaviors. So unlike the silent and cold ice planet where I spent the last million years."

(((Seriously... I grew up thinking I was from an ice planet and came to earth as a chunk of ice that burned up in the atmosphere. LOL ))))

There were some people there that i wanted to talk to about their work because it's interesting. I asked them a few questions, but the room was so loud we were almost yelling at each other. I never get why restaurants are like that, aren't you supposed to be able to talk comfortably? anyway, sometimes even though I have always been told people love to answer questions about themselves, I somehow can manage to ask too many questions and mess it up, so in a way it worked out that the conversations were short. Me and conversation, just not a great match!

My coworker though, she had someone sitting next to her - it looked like the woman had kind of hung on to her all night and was going on and on and on about her life. My co worker was so gracious about it, she made the woman feel important and listened to. I was watching her fascinated. I mean I guess she could have been really interested in what the other woman was saying, but I kind of doubt it. Maybe more like moderately interested, but not for the whole night!

Too fun!! !