Why do I keep doing this!?

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Does anyone else not respond to a conversation or situation that will affect you unless you're directly asked about it?

I was with my 3 friends last Saturday and they were trying to figure out what to do that night. My room mates sister was having a party at our house that night, so I wasn't opposed to going out. I work Saturdays, so I was still kinda stressed out from work and wanted a quiet atmosphere. My friends were talking about what we should do, and going bowling came up. I really didn't want to go bowling because I don't really like bowling and bowling alleys are loud. I was gonna say I didn't want to when asked if I wanted to go bowling, but no one asked me.

I don't know why I didn't say anything. On the way there, I was just getting more and more angry with myself about not being able to speak up for myself in these situations. It seems like a simple thing to do....... It's so frustrating.

I seem to have the exact opposite problem funnily enough, I find that I have a problem with doing things even if people do ask me, or I back out of doing things when I have agreed to do them, I think mostly due to anxiety.

I think your roommates/friends should have asked you anyway, its the polite thing to do, I agree completely with bowling ally's by the way, although I enjoy bowling the loudness and lights they put in there are really not very nice.

I think that you are usually expected to speak up without being asked when discussing plans with people you know.

Yeah, that's tricky. You have to figure out what to say, and when, and figure it out before the conversation has moved on; and simultaneously you have to listen to what everybody else is saying and think about how they might perceive your statement, so you can word it in a way that is most likely to be persuasive and understandable. No wonder you froze up; it's a complex task.

It's definitely happened to me. Don't worry about it; just keep practicing. Either you'll develop the skill to do it most of the time, or you'll find another way to get your point across that works better for you.

You might tell your NTs, when they're in a good mood, that sometimes when they talk fast and all at once, you have trouble keeping up, and would they mind slowing down a little when you asked?

I used to do it a lot, but that is something I have been working on in the last couple of years or so. I remember when I was about 16, me and my friend wanted to book an appointment at the opticians (eye doctors) together so that we could get an appointment on the same day around the same time. My friend's mum dropped us off there and went in there with us. After a few minutes of discussing an appointment, they agreed to the following Wednesday morning. I suddenly remembered that I had a blood test at the hospital on that morning, but I didn't say anything. My friend, her mum, and the woman at the desk all looked at me and my friend said, ''next Wednesday morning, will that be all right?'' I just nodded enthusiastically, then got all anxious inside because I had just done the wrong thing, but I was so scared to speak up for some reason. So we got the appointment all booked, and when we got back into the car, I said to my friend, ''um, I just remembered, I can't do next Wednesday. I've got to have a blood test at the hospital then.'' My friend looked a bit irritated and said, ''oh....you should have said when we were in there.'' So we all had to go back into the opticians to change the appointment. I felt so embarrassed.

I did learn from that situation, though. I always used to feel so awkward if I spoke up, because I used to think I would be annoying the other people - or I might not get heard and will feel awkward or stupid. But I have learnt that by not speaking up I am actually putting myself in an even more awkward situation where I am going to annoy the others and feel awkward and stupid.

I do this too, although in my case I'm often so overwhelmed by having to have the conversation at all that I don't even think of the fact that whatever arrangement is being made doesn't actually suit me. But even when I do manage to think "no, wait, I don't really like that idea" I'll often still just say yes.

I think it's partly because I expect people to be annoyed with me if I say anything. (My family seems to consist entirely of the type of people who roll their eyes or get angry if you say no to anything, no matter how politely you try to do so, so I guess that's where I picked that up.)

I try, wherever I can, to make arrangements in writing - email, text, on Facebook, whatever - so I have time to think about my reply and remind myself not to agree to something I'm not actually happy with. But in conversational situations like the one you described, that doesn't help much

I talked to my friend about it on Facebook the other day. She understands and wants to help me feel more comfortable expressing what I want to do.

Besides them making a point to directly ask me what my opinion is or what I want to do, I don't really know how I can make myself more comfortable taking part in the conversation.

This is the biggest thing I want to improve. Unless it's about one of my interests, I find it VERY hard to have conversations when face to face with people.