Is diagnosis a good idea?

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I am female and in my 40s, and suspect I am high-functioning autistic/Aspie. It is creating some challenges in my long-term relationship, particularly since the birth of our daughter almost 5 years ago, and also makes parenting itself more difficult.

I'm wondering if a proper diagnosis at my age would be a good idea -- whether it would help me connect with professionals who can help me better cope with the challenges of my life (hyper sensitive to noise, and our child is very noisy; I get overwhelmed and flustered easily, etc.). I'm concerned that a proper diagnosis would "go on my record," so to speak, and make it more challenging to get health care down the road, or even get jobs if they could somehow access that information. (Or is it protected under HIPAA?)

I live in San Francisco, and could visit the UCSF Autism Clinic for assessment easily. I just don't know if there are downsides to diagnosis that others may have experienced. Would you please share your positive/negative experiences so I can get a better sense of whether to go forward with this?

I have been wondering myself and am looking at talking to someone but keeping it quite from family and friends. I'm not diagnosed so I can't really offer experience but if it's something that is going to help you then I'd say it's worth it. In Canada, medical records aren't shared with employers unless it's something serious but I'm not sure about the US... There's a possibility it could show on your record.

All I can say is, please do not yell at your child and give her all the attention she needs even when she bothers you and you can't STAND her noise. Fight it. Because my mother also has ASD but is in denial, though obvious symptoms are shown, and would often tell me and my brother to "Shut up" or "f**k off" when she was over-stimulated and needed alone time when we were too loud or bugging her. She would flap her hands in the air and go to her room or lay on the couch and tell us to go away... She gets frustrated easily and is very sensitive to noise and zones out if shes not interested in you. She's a great mother besides these things but you can imagine how hard that was to grow up in especially struggling with it yourself.

I"m not saying this is you at all! But just sharing a bad experience with an ASD mother who WASN'T aware.

That info is protected by HIPAA for now, but since the IRS is in charge of Obamacare and the left is clamoring for more stringent "Mental Health" checks over the gun control debate, it remains to be seen just how 'confidential' medical records will continue to be. The Nanny State will need to know everything about you, to help you comply with all their new regulations. As for "challenging to get Health Care," I'm not sure what you mean, since Preexisting Conditions can no longer be held against you.

OTOH, being officially diagnosed does offer you protection under the Americans With Disabilities Act, for what that's worth.

As for getting help, I don't know what you could expect on that front, unless you just want to see a counselor. There is no cure for autism, nor any meds effective for it. You might get pharmaceutical scrips for ADHD or Anxiety, but a good strong dose of chamomile will help with the anxiety, without all those toxic side effects.

Getting an offical DX was a lifesaver for me, as I was at the end of a 30+ year career, with no options and about to end up homeless and turning 50, which just put me into the right age bracket to qualify for SSI Disability. That was a huge help, and had I not been seeing a therapist, I might never have known about the availability of that option.

I rarely yell at her for any reason (unless we're in a loud place and I need to speak up to be heard). But it's challenging. She's 4, and prone to pushing boundaries, and loves being with me ... so there are times when I totally need space/alone time/quiet and that's the last thing she wants to give me. That's one reason I'd like to talk to someone professionally -- or talk to folks here who have developed strategies -- because I want to be a great parent despite occasionally wanting to run and hide from my child's normal happy sounds.

I'm considering therapy, either solo or couples therapy, and finding someone who is familiar with the psychological fallout of AS would be helpful, if that turns out to be the root of many of my issues.

Go for an evaluation, even telling them what you suspect.

If your suspicion is right, you have the right to know, and it might open doors to things that might help you. No promises, but it might. Just make sure the person doing the evaluation is qualified to diagnose autism. Preferably someone who specializes in that area.

You say you are having trouble with your relationship. How severe is that trouble? I ask because a diagnosis might cause problems if you and your significant other ever separate and find yourselves in a custody battle; a judge who has little understanding of autism may consider it better for your child to live with her father if you have a record of "mental illness". I bring it up only as an aside, one of the many issues to consider.

A lot is likely to depend on where you are - your experience in the US will not be the same as mine in Scotland.

The diagnosis did help in terms of understanding myself, but how much it has helped in terms of negotiating the savagery of the social (in)security system is another matter.

I have also developed a problematic mental health issue, characterised by, among other things, crushing depression and debilitating social anxiety. Mental health services are overstretched and reluctant to touch it because of "the underlying Asperger syndrome", and are trying to foist me off on the voluntary sector autism services. These people have no meaningful services for anyone over the age of about 25 in my area (I'm around your age) (funding), and no mental-health related services, because that's the job of somebody else. I'm told this story is not unusual.

In short, I would not say that the diagnosis was necessarily a bad idea, but it has caused at least some problems.

That's a good point. Thank you.

Hi

I can't speak for the health record/access aspects as I am in the UK, but I am in my mid forties and decided to go for a diagnosis earlier this year. I don't have difficulties nearly as severe as many posting here, but I was keen to see if my preference for more isolated pursuits and also more detached empathy were symptoms of something else, following my son's diagnosis. I was diagnosed as HFA (I had a childhood speech delay). In my opinion, I can't see anything wrong with trying to find out more about yourself; it seems like a positive step forward. It may not change much about what you do, day to day, but it may help put certan things into context, give you some more copng strategies and (at least for me) help explain some of the stranger things about my childhood which I have now learned to disguise and which I almost forgot existed!)

Whatever you decide, all the best.

I believe that a diagnosis is necessary... If you feel it is... or if you wish to state that you are autistic/aspie...
If it is not an issue for you, and you are happy, then just keep on keepin' on...