Fear of becoming dependent?

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Just thinking and trying to make some connections... I have heard people mention this before and have heard that it is one if the common issues of people with as. At first, I ruled it out as not applicable to me because I feel that I am actually the opposite of this - wanting someone to depend upon and afraid of not having anyone. But the more I thought about it, I remembered that I do that thing where I subconsciously shut people out or push them away after they start getting close, meaning that I never have lasting relationships. Could this be related to a fear of becoming dependent on them? Perhaps a fear that if I allow myself to grow to depend on someone, that person will ultimately leave me and then I will be broken hearted? I could be mistaken but it seems that the people who I dont push away DO ultimately leave me. Do all people ultimately leave the people they care about or is it just that as people are difficult to love and/or are generally always responsible for the pushing away?

My personal theory is that,

People with AS are natural solo-hunters, i.e. have cat-like brains (opposite NTs who are natural group-hunters, i.e. have dog-like brains).

The consequence of this is that AS people feel an ongoing need to be able to hunt solo.

The more social constraints you are put under, the less are you able to hunt solo. This possibly implies no more future solo-hunting, which subconsciously implies death.

So I think it is very natural for people with AS to fear too strong dependence. You will see that same fear in cats.

The NT pendant of this is them fearing being excluded from their group. That would imply no more group-hunting, which subconsciously for them implies death.


But - that is only if the adult AS profile is to be sustained. AS people can take a child-like position in a NT relationship in which case the person with AS oppositely crave dependence because they mentally are like children naturally needing to be taken care of.

The reason why it may sometimes feel better/easier to take the child-like position is because the adult-profile is very resistant to dependence which any relationship requires some amount of.

I push people away because my emotions are too intense to handle. Especially with romantic relationships I become intensely attached while they are feeling "meh, he's pretty cool, I guess" and I just can't handle that imbalance.

That's right. That's what everybody do, just mistreat you, and stab you-hopefully not just literally- in the least expected moment. They just go after themselves and their own interests, no one helps anybody, and no one cares about anybody. Like the song says: Who will be there for you, comfort and care for you? The answer is no one.
So, yes, you're doing well with not attaching to anybody; it'll hurt less. If you can avoid getting hurt, even better.

It reminds me of this quote: Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.

Yes. I believe that to be true for (many) people with AS. A tendency that can annoy the hell out of NTs who want us included in their group.

Yeah, but when happens when they don't include you, just exclude you?

I have found that depending on anyone, for anything important, is a sure recipe for disaster or at least disappointment. Now whenever I "trust" someone, I make sure I have a backup plan in place. It's not that I don't screw up; but, my life works much better when I don't depend on anyone else.