All going wrong...

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I went to a local careers service to ask about what retraining courses I would be eligible to do taking into account my present situation (on disability, waiting for therapy or just starting out as soon as I get my next appointment...thus far I have only done preliminary stuff though..ie had a phone conversation with a therapist and a brief meeting with another so they could decide how they could best help me. They picked CBT). I have not had my CBT yet.

However they gave me forms to fill out regarding my thoughts, feelings and behaviours during social interactions that are more than just surface interaction with people (my diagnosis is social anxiety and not ASD at this time). Well; I have no social outlets. I don't have any friends. I don't have any family. I don't have a partner and I don't see another human being unless I go out (ie I never have any visitors, don't have parties to go to and don't want to go to them anyway as i don't like that kind of thing...not due to anxiety they are just too noisy and boring for me).

Anyway I thought, as I am good at all things academic, that a part time college course or class in a subject of interest to myself would be a good way of practicing the social stuff so I could fill out the CBT forms. I ask at the careers service, the job center get wind, and now think I am well enough to return to work. They are making work related appointments for me, asking what jobs I have applied for (um I am on ESA in the work activity related group as well as severe disablement and DLA for my inability to cope with social interaction and am not obliged to look for work at this time) and sending me emails asking me if i have found work already.

I just wanted to take a part time 2 hour educational class once a week for the social interaction opportunity so I could complete my CBT therapy. Also I thought it might help me up date my skills and provide me with a reference if I do want to work in the future (I don't have any references..I have not worked in many years and have no friends or contacts to provide a personal reference. When I tell them this they say think, there must be someone. There is no one unless the therapist will do it and I have no seen her yet...only the link worker who refers people on for for the type of therapy they think they need).

After my recent social disaster where I tried to tackle the problem myself I don't want to keep trying on my own as I only managed to make things worse. I really didn't need to hear, on trying to socialise at my local pub, that no one wants to talk to me because I am too weird. I have also been out every single day making chit chats with people around Norwich, Sheringham, Cromer etc and thus far have not made any compatible contacts. I am often told I am too weird, or too quiet, or if i do talk that I talk too much about the same thing or that my topics of conversation are boring (I don't have many social tales to regale to people and even if I did they are not an area of interest to me...I can talk about species of sharks, shark movies, paleo nutrition and recently am learning to play piano..these areas don't interest anyone I meet though).

I don't worry about not having anything to say, I want to be able to be quiet if I don't have anything to say because people are talking about stuff I am not interested in, such as what they said to someone and their social lives and the local gossip. I also don't like being forced to socially interact when I am not in mood for it or don't have much energy. It is too tiring. I want the world to accept me as being the quiet one who likes to sit by themselves sometimes. Not that I never want to socially interact, I'd like just one friend for chats about things of mutual interest or a life partner as i like romance and sex, but don't require more than this really. Beyond that I don't enjoy social interaction and have no desire for it so feel like I am being forced to be something I don't even want to be by society. ERgo I don't hate myself, I hate society for not letting be myself.

I hate its obsession with social chit chat!

Anyway I have become horribly stressed out. I have been up all night ranting to myself over things, bursting into tears, hitting myself on the head again as I got a bit too upset earlier and overloaded and ripped up the forms for the job center (they wanted me to write down what my disability is and how it stops me from working and I don't know how to explain it in a way they will understand....its so frustrating..I am not able to complete the form as a result) and therapist gave me to complete as well.

Now I don't have the forms to fill out because I got upset and I also have a headache from hitting myself on the head as well.

I just wanted to do a course because I like learning...I was looking at taking a latin class when I can afford to pay unless I get a concession but I have not been able to get that information yet. Other than that, I really just want to focus on learning piano and reading about sharks....how can I do that if I am too exhausted to do anything from having to make constant social chitty chat. Either I get upset like I did tonight or I end up not being able to do anything but sleep because my brain will refuse to process anything.

I am not coping, its horrible.

I don't know what my question is....help I guess.

All this because I askd about adult education classes so i would have a social outlet for my CBT therapy?

I don't have a lot of friends either. I'm currently in school and after three years I still feel like everyone either dislikes me or is indifferent to me. I worry a lot about my future even though I am getting a doctorate because I don't feel like I cut it socially. (My field is law, where they ram it down our throats that reputation is everything.)
I wish I had a solution for you, I'm still trying to figure it out for myself. Just know you're not alone and there are people out there who understand your difficulties in life. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can PM me.

Thanks but a hug does not help much.

Any one know anything about ESA benefits and working, as that would be helpful. I am still on benefit and awaiting disability.

I am also recording what people are saying to and about me.

I think people are bullying me and it may not be my doing...meaning it can't be treated with therapy. I'm going to get proof of that by recording everything that happens socially on digital media be it online or otherwise.

I can't work not because of my condition but because people are acting like insecure spoiled little children spreading rumours about me (which by the way is a form of bullying...a very valid one). what they are doing is causing me severe emotional distress...I cant work becuase of teh nightmares from the forced social isolation due to other peoples bad behaviour and I am going to prove it.

For a start off I have proof of emails from people telling me that everyone pities me and that no one wants to be with me. That is a form of psychological bullying, and is used to try and strip a persons self esteem and belittle and humiliate them.

Secondly what that man said to me in the pub, no one wants to speak to me because I am too weird and then insisting that I hate myself...another form of psychological bullying again used to strip a persons self esteem and put them down.

Deleting a persons post on a forum board when they try to defend themselves or refute inaccurate rumours....a form of bullying.

Spreading rumours with intent to incite hatred against the person..ie saying I suffer from self hatred, beat myself but refuse to take advice for my so called imaginary symptoms and will not help myself, cause people to avoid me as someone who sits around all day doing nothing to aid myself when that is not true.

Its all bullying and I am collecting this evidence to prove it.

I am sorry. It's awful when everything seems to go wrong like this and all these problems seem like a rats nest where you can tackle any one thing without getting caught up in all the others.

It may be that it doesn't have to be this hard, though.

I am thinking that you may be misunderstanding the demands of the situation..

Did you ask what these forms are for? These may just be to give the therapist some basic background so they can prepare a bit.



So you don't have the kind of deeper interactions that you would need to answer the questions. I think that is an answer to the questions all by itself. You could just write, "I don't have these kind of interactions, so I can't describe my thoughts, feelings and behaviors during them."


Taking a class or creating some other situation where you can have deeper interactions in order to fill out the form seems like setting an impossibly high barrier between yourself and the CBT...

Tell them you don't have those sorts of interactions and let them figure out how to make it work for you.

hi bumble,
is there any chance of getting an NAS advocate involved to help with sorting out those forms as it sounds like this is causing more harm than good.
the benefits people just want to know that the part time course does not contradict the symptoms with what is written on the ESA forms,so perhaps with a family member/friend come up with the benefits of this college course and point out exactly why are not able to work again, plenty of people on both high rate care and high rate mobility of DLA have jobs or education but are recognised by ATOS and DWP as being unable to work,and under ESA it does allow voluntary work or part time education.

DIAL [owned by SCOPE,the cerebral palsy charity,but they work with all forms of disability] are very good at helping with these issues and it might be worth giving them a contact,aparently CAB are a load of toss.

Brilliant.

It may be I just got a poor therapist, but my 60 hour course of cognitive therapy was pretty much alternating between fumbling helplessly in the dark and bashing one's head against a brick wall. Nothing other than an opportunity to vent was really achieved. Perhaps a therapist with an understanding of ASD (which wasn't really on the table for me at the time) can do better.

I hope yours works out better.



Is an ASD assessment in the works? (Took me quite a while to get mine...)



Some people are just narrow-minded. Ghastly thing to just come out and say to someone, "you're too weird".

Couldn't tell you much about what sort of help you need or can get in your area, but it sounds like KingdomOfRats very much can.