I want my autism!

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First, a disclaimer - this post is not motivated by any particular person or an individual on this forum, or in real life, but by my own perception of certain trends (which may be completely false)

I am sorry if this will offend anyone, but I feel compelled to write this topic. It seems tom me there is hyperinflation of ASD, especially self diagnosed. Now, so many people seem to want to have Asperger's, it sounds great, doesn't it? As long as you are high functioning with a hint of high IQ.. everything is better then be labeled as neuroTYPICAL, because if there is something modern (wo)men hate, it is to be typical. That is not strange, in today's mass society we loose uniqueness, individuality (which advertised but is truly mere illusion). It's better to be in some kind of minority then be faceless and unimportant. Give me a break, you don't want to socialize, you don't like parties, you have problems in communication, wait, you are an aspie, and you are special, you are not like the rest. Newsflash, EVERYONE has problems with communication today, there are million books titled ''how to communicate effectively, how to be effective listener, become master communicator and so on.'' And, audience is not autistic.

I just think it is unfair to label everyone because of anything. For God's sake, everyone who had asperger's knows how terribly difficult it can be, how many problems, how many troubles it brings, especially during schooling. I mean, I am not diagnosed, and probably don't have it, but I had difficulties, because if I don't have a disorder, I certainly have elements. Do I want to be another person? No, that is me, I have problems, I have good sides and bad sides. Sometimes I am an a**hole, but I do not use my problems as an excuse. Other times I am kind. But I am not a hipster who has an urge to be different just to be more appealing to his own self. That is an insult to those who have real problems, and it is annoying to see this us vs. them typical mentality, like it's subculture.

And I changed my mind, I am not sorry for this post, for those who recognize themselves here and get angry, are probably the one that get on my nerves.

Respect to all of you who keep fighting each and every day, and are able to find some goodness despite all odds! Respect to all of you who must try extra hard to achieve something that others take for granted.

i know what you mean, i am far from a High I.Q nerd though, i try very very hard to fit in, i have sacrificed a lot and in no way see my self as 'unique' and not many people see me as unique either. i dont understand why people always say "i have a very high I.Q so i must be an 'aspie', and then try hard to get a diagnoses. i wish i was a typical intelligent nerdy awkward aspie other than the hell i have to live with.

ps: i do have aspergers, i just seem to have a low verbal I.Q and i have more trouble processing information

I know what you are talking about. They told me I was gifted, but my math was always poor and I couldn't organize the numbers on paper and I got lost, eight became three, five became six, + became X and so on. And, you are unique, everyone is unique, and it is sad that people try so hard to be unique that they lost that uniqueness.
Having high iq is not something I am proud of, because I am not responsible for that, I didn't earn it, work for it, I didn't create it, and it has done me more harm then good because I am unable to put it into good use. I had an opportunity to volunteer with severely mentally handicapped, they didn't seem that much different - depending on others, unable to do so, so many things, and yet they were happier than me, they laughed, they had fun. I respected them for that, I respected them for loving life that gave them so little.

Respect comes from the fact we are unique human beings, each one special. That is basic respect. But, other kinds of respect must be earned, and that is why I have huge respect for those people here who went through hell, much, much worse than I did, and are still standing and are trying really hard. Not by trying to be someone else, but by trying to move their own boundaries, by finding new ways to live, to love, to work, to connect.

droppy agrees.
The people that think that AS is cool or edgy seem to be mostly nerdy teens but I wouldn't be surprised if there were adults like that as well.
People that think that AS is not much of an issue really really make me mad. I've seen people describe AS as "just having social problems due to having an high IQ". I'd really want to tell those people to go f**k themselves. Describing AS as "not much of an issue" or just as "social issues" spreads a false idea of what AS is and doesn't help people who actually have it and struggle every day due to it. Before saying it is not a disability or that it is not an issue they should live my life for a while.
I have heard people say online that they would like to have AS or some other kind of disability. I'd want to close them in a psych ward and when they get out, see if they have changed their mind. It would be quite entertaining actually : 3
People who prepare when they have to go to the counselors and ask what to say to the psychiatrists get on my nerves as well. "OMG, what I have to say to be diagnosed with a disability that affects people who have it daily and not be told that I am just typical?". That's dumb. If they were actually autistic they would just have to act as they would act spontaneously and they would be diagnosed (unless there were co-morbids, the condition wasmild or the psychiatrist was not an autism expert. In that case it could be missed or misdiagnosed). After a lot of tests of course.

Thank you for reply, that is exactly what I am talking about. There is similar thing with depression, now so many people who get sad scream ''depression''' and so many people who are clinically depressed...they don't get noticed until it's sometimes, to late...

Having this or that symptom does not mean one has a syndrome. There was a time when I was desperate for a diagnosis because it would've given me so many answers, it would've made everything fit into one neat picture. But, not every problem, every social anxiety or failure to communicate it autism. For myself, I am certain I have symptoms, that is confirmed by the therapist, but I don't know if I have a syndrome. There was this kid that, however, was diagnosed... and for him and his family, it was sometimes hell, his meltdowns, his problems, him causing problems. It is far cry from ''I have trouble meeting new people because they are so boring and I am so intelligent, I am autistic BUT when I want it I CAN ACT normal.'' Come on, the whole point is not being able to act...or to adjust, or to respond appropriately whether you want it or not, unless you really, really try hard because mother nature was experiencing a severe episode of avarice when she had to give gifts of social instincts.

Ah, yes, the old "That happens to everybody, so what you're calling a disorder is just spineless whining about life" stick.

Even those of us officially diagnosed get beaten with that one on a regular basis. That's a very effective stick for bashing and bullying people with neurological problems. Makes you feel superior, makes them feel like crap, good bullying tool, that one.

If you are not an experienced Mental Health Professional, or living inside the other person's head, you are not qualified to judge the severity of their problems, or the "reality" of their self-assessment. Are there people self-diagnosing AS who may not actually have AS? Probably, but I would be very hesitant to self-righteously adjudicate which ones are which.

I self-diagnosed before I ever saw a Mental Health Professional and while I didn't go in insisting that I was right, I did ask them to consider the possibility, and ultimately both my original therapist, and later a Clinical Psychologist, concurred. Was I any kind of armchair expert on neurological disorders? No, someone close to me called my attention to the diagnostic criteria for AS and I knew the instant I saw it, I was reading about myself. It was that obvious and that certain.

So I really try not to second-guess others when they decide that it probably describes them, too. Only they know what they've been through over the course of their lives, so I give them the benefit of the doubt, unless they give me serious reason to believe otherwise. I don't recommend to anyone that they go around telling others they have a condition that hasn't been officially diagnosed, but WP is not the world at large, it's a much smaller and generally more accepting community.

Telling people out in the world that you have a neurological disorder is not typically a good idea. It's a lot more likely to get you bullied, harassed or further ostracized, rather than treated with any tolerant acceptance. As far as the neurotypical world is concerned, invisible handicaps are all in your imagination. But as we know, especially those of us who are officially diagnosed - that's a pantload. Invisible disabilities can be very real. And I can tell you beyond any equivocation, anybody who doesn't suffer from AS, but wants to - is completely and utterly insane.

It is not chic, or cool, or trendy in any way whatsoever. There are no clubs where you can go to hang out with other "Aspies" (and if there were, it would be like a basement AV lab). The world at large, if they know your condition, treat you like you're an incompetent idiot, or a dangerous psychopath, or (as in the vein of your original post) a lying slacker looking for a popular excuse.

It's not an achievement badge, it's a scarlet letter.

But it's comforting to know we aren't wearing it alone.

The story goes other way around as well, and that is - I have problems, therefore, I have something on ASD because I heard about it on TV. Like it or, not that happens, I met people like that, and, as I can see from replies, others have too. And, if I believe, I wrote that this topic is not motivated by anyone on this forum, or any particular person. I am also well aware that there are many here who are looking for answers and support. But, I am also aware that there are those just think it's some kind of hipster fad because people like that have a picture of asperger's as eccentric odd genius, like the ones they show you in movies all the time - cold, aloof, with no social skills but brains like supercomputers.
So, it's not a stick to bash anyone, but to discern what is problem and what is not. If you only read my post more carefully, surely you would see that that is what I am talking about. And no, people might not talk to others that they have neurological condition, but they may very well convince themselves that they do, while they do not. Internet diagnostics which every mental health professional will say isn't really the best diagnostic tool available.
And, you can't solve a problem if you misdiagnose it, so if it's a crime to point out that, than I confess, I am guilty.

And, oh yes, it is true - many people have problems with communication, and most people talk only about themselves in a conversation. It doesn't happen to everybody, but it happens - a lot.

Ok----you certainly have a point.

But a lot of women with ASD are pretty good at acting it's just a tremendous effort. Not: I am anxious and can't bring myself to talk to that stranger, it's deeper than that. It's: I can't take it anymore and I'm trying my hardest and I'm still not getting it right often enough to satisfy anyone, and I've forgotten how to try to satisfy myself and don't even have a self anymore, or would not recognize her, and I want to die because I just can't take it but that would be wrong to act on so I will keep going but I am so, so, so tired, and every time I think maybe, just maybe, some peace, things ok for a bit, something else falls apart, people looking at me funny, I thought I was getting things right, but people are acting weird again, or complaining, or angry, and I need to start again to rebuild and I can't believe I'm starting over and I am so, so tired. That kind of effort. From what I read here, there are men who may have similar experience.

Being able to act normal---that's a big part of the point of good parenting, speech therapy, occupational therapy, special education, and psychotherapy.

When I want to I can act normal---think about the cost. Think about that yes, some people may want a label that does not fit, think about the essential similarity between people that the person with ASD may act normal with much effort just as the anxious person who has never given a public speech before or the socially phobic person, think about how alike we all are. That is what I am taking from this thread, I think. That yes, some people may be exaggerating, or not, it's hard to know, but there is no clear way I can see to differentiate the people with ASD and without from our posts, and that's pretty amazing, really, when I think about it.

No relationships ever no hugs no clapping and so on.

No friends slimming lack of eye contact.

Unable to tell when people are serious or joking.

Sensory issues.

And digestive problems.

Now for 37 years I had no idea I had this cool great condition

However when I was saying I was normal people were constantly telling me I was mad.

OP I know I have this condition and in my opinion your post displays ignorance.

Last edited by sharkattack on 30 Dec 2013, 7:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Willard said it better, but I do feel strongly about this.

You can't tell from the outside, I don't think, whether someone has ASD, or any condition, and it's probably not good to try unless you are a professional doing it at the person's request, or according to appropriate rules for evaluating them.

My post does not display anything other than certain experiences I had, it displays neither knowledge, not ignorance. I know people who think it's cool to be a little bit crazy but not to much. And I truly and honestly can't understand why you found yourself accused.
I know that you don't think it is cool because you have problems, but those who have no problems might think it's cool, and THAT, precisely THAT is the reason why someone will think YOU are acting out and have no real problems.
I said already, not everyone who is sad has clinical depression, and everyone who has mood swings has bipolar, not everyone who has problems with communication is autistic. That is a fact. But I am not pointing fingers on anyone, especially not here - I don't know you, and only your struggles. But, on some places I met those who seemed to me like this ''I am so cool because I am not neurotypical, and neurotypicals are in fact some sort of backwards creatures, dumb, fake, unoriginal.'' Ok, it might be a reaction to being told that there is something wrong with you all the time, but I doubt that is always the case.

I know dear ... I wrote: '' Come on, the whole point is not being able to act...or to adjust, or to respond appropriately whether you want it or not, unless you really, really try hard''
I think that I am acting as well. I think that because I know how I spent my whole junior high, and high school and college trying to learn how to communicate. Entering a bar was a huge problem for me. And I thought that if I learn it, it will be ok, but it wasn't. It never, not even now, feels natural, warm. I always have to plan what to say, always have to think of possible situations because if something unexpected happens, I am lost. I must remind myself to listen, to look, on body language, on giving feedback. I have to think all the time, and it drains me sometimes, and when I loos self control.. well, usually I find myself alone again.
And that is why i must, it is essential, have limited contact, cause it drains me. What is fun for others, for me is workout. And I am not happy, because if I refuse one moment of socializing, then other, then another one - no body calls no more. And if I do go, and i lose control, lose my script, it doesn't take long before I am being called a weirdo, and a nutcase.

Ok I have had a while to think about this now and I don't doubt your right some people may think it's cool.
Those people are morons.

People like me who really do have it find it very difficult to get on in a Neurotypical world that has rejected me time and again.

I have been bullied most of my life and I know I did not deserve it.

Nerotupicals do tend to follow in a heard mentality I have experienced it.

As regards fake and unoriginal neurotypicals will do something just because the cool kid does it.

I have no doubt there are people like you say but I also believe the vast majority of people on this site are genuine.

Nerotypicals have displayed their heard mentality towards me time and time again by sticking by the bullies.

Most nerotypical interaction is focused around small talk a skill I do not have and I find it pointless and shallow.

Last edited by sharkattack on 30 Dec 2013, 7:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It is difficult, and being undiagnosed I have consciously never once referred to myself using either of the A words.

I am married and have created a sort of a job for myself doing my special interest, which is pretty awesome, though I have on several occasions been unable to recognise my boss in the street.

Because of this I feel guilty placing myself in the same box as people who seem to experience present and disabling issues, such as Willard and ZombiebrideXD.

Yet despite of this, WP really does feel like coming home. It's great to be here. Sorry guys, nice to know you.

Last edited by superluminary on 31 Dec 2013, 4:37 am, edited 2 times in total.

OP one last thing I did not think your post was aimed at me nor did I find it personally offensive.

However I think there is a danger in tarring genuine people as fakes.

I know... I was bullied to, and I didn't know why. Once they called me on a birthday (later they told me) only to make fun of me. I was not much, thanks God, bullied physically, but I was pushed away and ostracized. It was terrible experience when, there was a question once - ''who you don't want in class'' to see your name come up so often. Then, in high school, there was this group... we had homework and were supposed to present ourselves and they were like, ''I am not a typical teenager and blah, blah, blah'' they were also the first one to make fun of me. At that point, I was so used on that that I didn't mind no more, so they stopped.
However, there were also NT's in my school who were even more severely bulllied because they weren't in pack. Me? I was weird, oddball, but I was also naive, and quiet, tried to help so they had at least some respect. Some even liked me, and defended me. I am so, so thankful for that.
Still school was complete hell. I left with postular tremors that I have to this day, caused by stress.

Thank you fro your reply.

This forum means a lot to me, it helped me once, when I really reached low point. And I am glad to be back.