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felinesaresuperior
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31 Dec 2013, 2:31 pm

do we take friendship more seriously? are we more attached to our family?
do you have a very small but tight group of friends? do you have no friends, but make your family the most important thing in your life?
i dont have friends and never really wanted any, face to face like. but my brother and his family are everything to me. i dont think too many aunts spend that much time with their nieces, really.



Jayo
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31 Dec 2013, 3:06 pm

I would say that in general, yes, people with Aspergers (like myself!) are more loyal to others; friends, family, spouses, bosses, etc...I've certainly felt that way and exhibited the same. In fact, people with disabilities in general tend to be more loyal than the average person; I was told this at one of those warm fuzzy communication seminars I was sent on one time at a former workplace.

My theory though is that loyalty is not a primary "symptom" of having Aspergers; it's more of a secondary/indirect/induced one. Since we realize that we have intrinsically less options than neurotypicals, i.e. we know we can't just "find another good friend (or job) elsewhere", we tend to be more loyal, but this is often detrimental to our needs as humans, because it can mean putting up with abuse, manipulation, pay discrimination, etc, etc. It wasn't till later in my twenties when I really got into self-improvement exercises and I created more options for myself, that I ditched unpleasant relationships with more confidence. Sometimes, loyalty isn't worth it if it doesn't make you feel good/better about yourself.

I know the OP's thread was sort of in relation to family, but I can't speak adequately to that, since I'm lucky not to have any abrasive family members.



Agathon
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31 Dec 2013, 3:17 pm

I always thought of myself as most loyal person, however, if I try and look objectively, that wasn't really loyalty but being possessive. If I finally found a friend, I was jealous if he or she played with someone else, or went to some party, or anything like that. I was thinking - if he likes that, and knows I don't than he doesn't really like me. So, I think i suffocated my friends, and it is truly them who were being loyal to me, by simply accepting my oddities. Some people never left my side, and I think they gave me more than I gave them, and I am not sure that I am loyal for any other reason than for being afraid of being lost without certain people in my life.



hurtloam
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31 Dec 2013, 3:21 pm

I dunno. I don't understand the concept of being loyal to family just because they are related to me. In what way does that make them more important than other human beings. If I don't get along with someone then I do get along with them. Doesn't matter if they have similar dna to me or not. Conversely if I get along with someone I get along with them whether they are a relative or not.



redrobin62
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31 Dec 2013, 3:22 pm

I like to consider myself as being pretty loyal. I have no friends and have no family near me. If I did I'd be as loyal to them as if I had a mate.



auntblabby
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31 Dec 2013, 5:34 pm

I am unfailingly loyal to people who are loyal to me, and I try to steer clear of people incapable of loyalty.



kBillingsley
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31 Dec 2013, 5:43 pm

I deeply invest myself in strong emotional bonds with very few people and am undyingly loyal to them. Only problem is I am uncomfortable showing it and come off as distant and aloof. Cosmic irony right there.



Marybird
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31 Dec 2013, 5:47 pm

Yes.



bumble
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31 Dec 2013, 5:51 pm

I am very loyal but no one seems to want that so I have no one.

I guess the world prefers having people in their lives that f**k them over.



vickygleitz
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31 Dec 2013, 6:50 pm

I am ridiculously loyal.



babybird
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31 Dec 2013, 6:55 pm

Is loyal like being trustworthy?


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auntblabby
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31 Dec 2013, 6:56 pm

babybird wrote:
Is loyal like being trustworthy?

loyalty=steadfastness, absence of fickleness, sticking around somebody when the chips are down, being an all-weather friend- in short, "'til death us do part."



babybird
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31 Dec 2013, 6:59 pm

I'm not too sure really, because I've always been on my own.


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auntblabby
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31 Dec 2013, 7:00 pm

babybird wrote:
I'm not too sure really, because I've always been on my own.

the test would be, if somebody was consistently good to you, would you desert them in their time of need, relative to your personal convenience?



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31 Dec 2013, 7:08 pm

I can't speak for anyone else but I've always been fiercely loyal, to the point of taking out someone who would do ill to a friend or family member. I've never gone that far though.


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babybird
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31 Dec 2013, 7:09 pm

auntblabby wrote:
the test would be, if somebody was consistently good to you, would you desert them in their time of need, relative to your personal convenience?


I think I might, yes.


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