my lack of social grace

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My lack of social grace seems to be of amusement to my boss.

He has started sitting near me quite a lot, and he asks me questions like: "hello babybird, how are you today?" I just usually respond with a smile and " not bad".

He then proceeds by laughing and saying back to himself the response that he expected from me, which in his mind would be "I'm fine thanks, how are you?"

I think he is aware that there is something about me that isn't usual.

I wonder if anyone else has encountered such a thing?

Dont all answer at once.

It is because you come to sound as if you are not interested in any further conversation when answering with "not bad". It is expected to want further conversation in NT society (or at least to "please" your boss). He could interpret your reponse as if you do not value him as your boss (which could be the truth ).

Really love your answer - he shouldn't think he is anyone

I had this happen and it became a thing, but eventually got resolved. With some negative feeling that stayed, though hasn't been all bad. If you can help keep the amount of time spent on this down and the amount of time on other things up, may help. Not saying it's all bad, he may like you, even a lot. But that isn't always a comfortable thing either,

Well I think i'll try and remember to ask the 'how are you'? question back.

I just see it as a pointless question though. I really didn't think it was that important to be honest.

It is pointless if you do not want the interaction.

But it might benefit you to do it even though you do not want to, because the NTs/your boss (perhaps) will like you more, the more you socialize with them.

But be careful: the more you open up, and the more you socialize, the more do they become predators ready to shoot at you with mean remarks. That is their way of having "fun" with each other.

I would prefer to deal with the situation this (formal) way:

"Hello babybird, how are you today?"

"I am fine, thank you! I hope you are too!"

Make sure to not end in an asking tone, but in a formal one. In this way you can "stop" the interaction without coming off as immature. They tend to get to dislike you if you do this too much though. Very annoying.

I am honest about the question about "how are you" and say. "I have given that question ALOT of thought troughout my life, and never really understood the question. any time I ask someone, they really cannot give me a true definition of any kind. I just get some weird answer about some comment I am supposed to give from a question that doesn't make any sence. sometimes I say "I'm normal". that one goes over really well, since nobody knows what that means either. maybe I should say "I'm a bag of mostly water, and carbon".

You could try throwing him a few curve balls.

I was in a similar situation and starting responding with things like:

- I'm absolutely marvellous today.

- Life is good, still have a pulse.

- Not bad considering I woke up on the planet of the stupid people.

After a while people started to think I'm funny (or something). Not sure if I was trying to be funny or just get them off my back but the overall effect seemed positive.

I'm always amazed at how seriously NTs take their social formalities. Like in a busy coffee shop, if the person behind the counter starts out with "Hi, how are you?" -- I can see that they're busy and need to deal with my order quickly, so I'll just say "Hi, I'd like a regular coffee to go."

I figure I'm being polite and thoughtful, by reducing chitchat and letting them catch up with their work, but I tend to get angry glares. (Or at least I interpret it as an angry glare? I'm horrible at reading faces anyway!)

I like that one, I think I'll try it out tomorrow.

It's a bit quirky as well, it might go down a treat.

I sometimes forget the 'how are you' back part. I have to remind myself I am supposed to do it.

^ I forget a lot ... When talking to someone I have to constantly remind myself to ask them questions every now and then.

Same here. It has only been recently I've realized that I forget to do reciprocal things like that. So now I have to work on not only reciprocating, but sounding like I'm really interested in their response

Exactly, one can soon enough end up in even more trouble by acting NT.

I think repeating 'how are you' is unnecessary and even a bit forceful. But I have a lot of anxiety when I interact with people. People either ask me more questions after I say 'I'm good' or they stop talking to me, almost as though they get distracted by someone else.

At least you smile. I don't even do that. "How are you?" "Not bad." *keeps staring at the floor*

I have a coworker who will sometimes "coach" me in social interactions in a similar manner as your boss. Like, she'll tell me something, then look at me and say, "now you say..." and then "feed" me the expected response. Said coworker once also mentioned how I never ask her about her life (was I supposed to?).

I try to force myself to return the question. I don't always remember, though.

I learned in English class, while in high school, that it's impolite to elaborate, or even say "not good". You're supposed to answer "I'm fine" or something synonymous, and return the question. Which makes the question meaningless. I've also been told that this is how they greet each other in England.