Advice needed.

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Hi Guys

I am really battling here. I have over the last two years, through tests etcetara, realized I have Aspergers Syndrome.

I struggle so much to make friends, most people don't get me or my humor and the way I am. I am fortunate, however, to have a very "normal" and understanding wife who is able to make friends and so our social life is pretty much ok...

The question I have is the following:
If I get close to a person and a friendship is developing, should I mention I have Aspergers or not. I was thinking they would then be able to understand where I am coming from. I lose so many potential friends. Its extremely frustrating, I am at the end of my tether...

Thank you for a great forum!

You know I have noticed that people, grown ups mainly, especially older ones, mentioning they have this or that all the time.
I know my grandpa's friend has sciatica because he's mentioned it so many times it's become a joke.
I know Sal is a diabetic. I know Carmella has crohn's disease. And so on.
I really don't see why mentioning having aspergers in passing should be a problem.
I am not saying it won't be, but it shouldn't be.
And I think everyone has something, some kind of ailment or quirk or whatever.
I don't think it is something someone should tape a sign across their chest, but I also don't think it needs to be a secret.
But i am young and autistic enough that everyone can easily see it, so I don't know what the other half has gone through.

I would tell when and if you think it is showing e.g. you cannot do something with your friend[s] because of Asperger's.

Thank you Ezra. You are right, everyone has something to deal with.

I think I will start sharing with people. I just need to think out how to do it without scaring people off....

"you cannot do something with your friend[s] because of Asperger's."
What do you mean?

Also, how would you go about telling a friend? Just kind of by the way...?

I would not. if people actually want to tell you about their faults, than it might be o.k. if you tell most NT's about your faults out of the blue, they usually cope with it in the wrong fashion.

I wouldn't unless you're formally diagnosed.

Things you may be sensitive to e.g. standing being jostled front row at a concert in the mosh pit, having to speak in front of a packed auditorium, having a massage or visiting a paint manufacturer.
For me top of my list is "Am I likely to come into contact with a dog?" because I react badly around them and this makes them react badly towards me.

Just be to the point..... "I will be unable to blah blah blah because it causes me a problem." You can tell people once you know them a bit better and unlikely to judge you for living with Asperger's.

Probably something to do with sensory issues; maybe you can't tolerate long periods of time at a crowded, noisy bar for instance, or you can't go laser tagging because of issues with flashing lights, etc. (I don't really know what groups of men get up to for fun). In my experience, my sensory problems are really the only thing that would keep me from being able to do things with friends, and such a situation has yet to arise. As far as my daily life, my social problems are such that I experience anxiety when asked to deal with strangers, but that's not really the sort of issue one would run into when hanging out with friends. I have told three of my friends (pretty much my only friends) that I have AS; once it came up in conversation, my friend was talking about her boyfriend and mentioned he had AS, so I took the opportunity to tell her I did too, once I just came right out and asked my friend, "Have you ever heard of Asperger syndrome?" He was a teacher, so he had, which meant I didn't have to explain what it was, just the way I manifest the symptoms. I don't really remember how the last one went down. In my experience, none of my friends reacted negatively to the news. My teacher friend did say he didn't think I had it, just that I was highly sensitive, because he'd seen other AS students before and I didn't have a problem with physical touch, but he was nice about it, and logical as always (insofar as he could be logical, given his limited understanding of the disorder). I didn't really press the issue, just accepted his viewpoint and left it at that. My other two friends just took it in stride and it's such a non-issue that we practically never bring it up.

What you do is, grab them by the shirt and say "Now don't be scared!" haha.
People are goofy how they act sometimes. I mean grown ups act leery
around me sometimes, and i am small enough for them to fold up and
put in their pocket. I guess you'll just have to do it with good old trial and error.