Someone I Love

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a young adult that I love with all of my heart is autistic and considers himself 'less than" because of it. [actually more the comorbidities] I think this is a fairly new thing. He also says that he hates other autistic people because they are 'weird" and just remind him how 'inferior' he is. He says that he doesn't hate me, but only because we are related. Have any of you young people gone through anything like this? Can you please give me some advice. He is one of the most incredibly awesome people I have ever met and I respect him so much [and yes, I tell him, and yes, it is sincere, and yes, it is specific] Can someone please help?

More than anything, your friend needs to reconcile who he is with himself.

Like many people who hate a part of themselves, he sees others like him as a reminder of what he detests in himself, externalizes those feelings towards them, and pushes them away. The painful truth is that what I said above is really the only way to deal with this - it seems like your friend hasn't truly accepted that he is autistic, and is perhaps holding onto a shred of hope that he "can recover" or "become normal." It's a common feeling in any neurodiverse community, and autism certainly is no exception, especially not when institutions such as the greater ABA therapy machine and even parents themselves heap a desire for normalcy on any individuals presenting as different.

But what can you do? You can't force your friend to accept that he's autistic, and that this condition is an acceptable part of himself. However, you can tell him that you love that he is autistic, because if he wasn't, he wouldn't be himself. Demonstrate that people in the outside world can accept his autism, especially those closest to him - remind him that you don't love or like him in spite of his autism, but because of it, as well as because of the many, many other things that make him up.

Ask him to try and accept and love himself the way you accept and love him. The change you're looking for can only come from within your friend, and it looks like he's absolutely begging for an initial push to set things right.

And more than anything: Don't give up. The change you're hoping for won't happen in a day, a week, a month, or even a year. All you can do is keep preaching the good word, keep encouraging your friend to love himself, and one day he WILL get it all figured out.

I don't have an answer, but if you are smart, and trying to be capable, and take things literally, then you're out there, vulnerable to soaking up the hatred of what's perceived as wrong with you and needing fixing, and which is an integral part of yourself, but that need and desire in others to have you stop being you, to fix you, means you aren't good enough. Do I agree with what Wetsail said. Show your friend you accept him and appreciate all of him. Literal, hsving trouble with some things, great at other things. But it's hard, there's a whole world of people hating or at least thinking he needs curing

I dunno. Me and my autistic friends fight about this all the time. It always comes to the conclusion that it is a gift + a curse. It's just a part of who we are.