Violent Situations

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Hello everyone.

I have a question regarding my eccentric thought, yes it's about violence.

I usually wanna be put in a situation where I'm being attacked by another invidual, because I want a reason to kill the other person. It's something that I seem to not control because of the negative emotions that occurs during the process.

So what could be the causes of this negative thinking? I've come to the conclusion that It might be caused by the lack of attention I've recieved during the past years, or maybe that I've been surpressing my emotions (Mostly anger and depression) for the past few years.

Can you relate to this? Please no critisicm because It's pointless during these circumstances.

Sincerely, Quantum.

Well I have, on occasion, fantasised about hitting a bully (or in the case of online bullies ramming their head through their computer screen or the ability to reach through so I could smack them about the face with a dead wet fish or something equally as nasty) and there have been times I have fantasised about slamming their head against a wall until what exists of their brain dribbles out of their ears (in regards to the people in question, I doubt it would do much damage, there is a lot of empty space where their neurons should be I think) but I don't actually really want to do these things.

It only happens with people who have been harassing me for months or years and what I really want is for the bully to stop and go get on with their life and let me get on with mine.

Otherwise, no, I've never really wanted to kill anyone. I tend to have a philosophy that emphasises the important of protecting, prolonging and nurturing life when possible.

Are you taking SSRI medications of any kind? That's one of their side effects.

I've never been on medications.

I have violent fantasies, too. They are often in response to a workplace injustice which might remind me of a worse injustice. Or in response to some official exclusion which might remind me of all the times of unofficial exclusion.

It's like I give myself over to the anger, and then the fantasy runs largely automatically, often based on some violent movie or TV show I have seen. And I usually rapidly rub the back of my neck or head during such angry and violent thoughts and fantasies.

And it's like the internal reality becomes more real than the external reality. When people say . . seeing red, I think I understand what they mean. Now, that is not quite my experience, but I think it's somewhat close.

PS and I don't take SSRIs or similar medications either (although I sometimes struggle with depression and am damn glad to know they're available)

There is nothing wrong with wanting to kick the s**t out of somebody when they have f****d you over. Do you mean that you get so mad at somebody that you want them to hit you first or that you just want somebody to attack you so you can beat the s**t out of them? Have you ever been in a serious throw down fight? Cause it's not as much fun as you might think it is. It's really not. Being hit hurts. Bad. And you can't stop to think about how bad it hurts, you just have to keep on swinging.

If you want to just hit people, I have a suggestion. Find a boxing gym and go there and train. You can spend hours beating the crap out of somebody there, but you have to follow the rules. They will also beat the crap out of you and you have to be ok with it because nobody's mad at each other. Have you ever put on gloves and just sparred with a friend? It's actually kind of fun. One of the kids friends used to bring over gloves and they would put them on and go out there and hit each other for fun. They even got my husband and me out there with them. It's kind of fun. They were like 18 and all by this time, so no adult was hitting a child or anything. But if you actually want to beat the living crap out of somebody you have to be willing to get hit in the face.

Fighting like you are thinking about is nothing like you think it is. You know how you see a fight in the movies or on tv and when somebody hits somebody else it makes that noise that it doesn't really make in real life when you see a fight? Well, thats the noise it makes inside your head when somebody hits you in it.

I've had depression before, serious depression, but it's never made me want to get up and just kick the living s**t out of somebody. I'm not even motivated at all then. When I get that way, if somebody were to come in to shoot me I'd turn on the light so he could aim better.

Now that I've said all this, I do have to say that I am no badass by any means at all. I've had my ass kicked an enormous number of times, but I've also won a few fights too. I haven't fought enough to be a badass, only enough to be able to prevent the other person from killing me. So I don't want to come across sounding like I think I'm all hard and s**t, cause I'm not and I know it. But I will also tell you this. If you want to actually go ballistic on somebody enough to do some real damage, you have to not give a rats hind end about the consequences, because there will be some. You have to be ok with probably going to jail. You have to be ok with having a record with assault on it. Having that on your record will also mean you can't ever legally own a gun and you won't be able to get certain jobs. It sort of sucks.

So my advice is go to a boxing gym. Look in the phone book or call around. You'll have to pay a membership fee and all but they can train you, no problem. And you'll get to hit people with no consequences except injuries of your own.

Fantasies of battery and homicide are extremely common in males. This is normal psychology, though I'm hesistant to call it "healthy".

Yes I want a reason to attack with brutal force and I do not seem to know the cause. Sports aren't really taking a part of my mind so I will not consider that because it will most likely make me worse on a psychological scale. Well atleast I do threaten to kill if someone within my family victimizes me, it seem to work most of the time. Mostly because I have a eccentric face expression which makes me look like a cold blooded person xD.

I'm more interested in a answer containing psychological explanations, is there anyone who might get an idea of what that might have inflicted this one me or anyone else? I need an answer because I'm prodigiously interested in this particular part, the behaviour.

I can't help with the psychology but I will tell you this. Don't be threatening s**t you can't do. In other words, don't you write no check you can't cash.

What you're experiencing is a clear power fantasy - killing is the ultimate expression of power and dominance, an irrefutable claim to physical superiority to the person defeated. Because of the laws of society, or perhaps your own internal sense of justice, you wish to not be the aggressor, thus allowing you to feel the rush of victory without fear or guilt.

Now, why are you thinking this way?

Typically, power fantasies manifest when one feels their own personal power is at a low - your boss chews you out, you can't make rent, your neighbor keeps blasting music at an unreasonable volume. You need to fix a problem that is causing stress in your life, and there is no possible method of you solving it; in short, you are powerless.

Your brain, like all human brains, instinctively revolts at the loss of control, and your unconscious mind attempts to engineer a solution that will allow you to solve the problem at hand, all while your conscious, actively-thinking mind knows that there is of course no real solution to this problem. Your unconscious mind then discovers a solution - rather than actively making you do anything, it can even you out with a power fantasy. There's no way you can regain control in the physical world, but in your own mental world you're strangling your boss, giving your landlady the finger, or beating your neighbor to death with his bass guitar. Your problem isn't solved, but inside your head you feel a sort of half-satisfaction that yes, you could do these things - if only you weren't confined by the laws of society and common decency.

Power fantasies can be healthy or unhealthy - the key is understanding where they're coming from, why you're having them, and what you're doing with them. You seem to be feeling a good deal of anger, and your fantasies aren't being beneficial to your overall mental wellness and sense of well-being - I recommend, next time you feel one of these fantasies, to think about it. Consider what is making you feel a loss of power, and then further consider what would enable you to feel more power, but without violence, and without death. Specifically think of productive things, things you can actually do, that will make you feel better about yourself.

Your boss chews you out? Wait until he's gone, and then cruise over to a website that can teach you vital job skills at another job. You can't make rent? Brainstorm ways of making extra cash, such as selling possessions or doing odd jobs off of websites. Your neighbor with the loud music? Surf the internet, and compare prices on soundproofing foam.

There's always a solution to what is stressing you. The trick is to let yourself relax, consider your thoughts, and then think about what you need to feel well.

Hi. I've not really got any advice but I hope you do get the help you need, and I wish you well.

I think I used to feel a bit like you when I was younger. I just wanted to fight everyone. I did fight everyone in fact.

I never killed anyone though.

I reckon the above poster talks sense.

Thank you very much. I will take advantage of this advice in order to succesfully improve my self control because I do not wanna be a scum in the society & a harm towards the others.

One skill, if someone is verbally confronting you and getting too close and too aggressive, is the opposite shoulder placement and hold. For example, someone is facing you and being aggressive. You place your right hand diagonally on their opposite shoulder and with firm gentleness and quiet strength hold that shoulder, like a martial artist might do. You merely hold their opposite shoulder. Your arm between gives you a fair amount of protection. You can also shift your stance and stand slightly sideways, again, like a martial artist might do. This also gives you some protection.

You can practice this a couple of times in front of a mirror, and maybe a couple of days later, a few more times. And that might be enough.

This is a fallback position skill. A skill in reserve, better to have than not have.