Not coping with loneliness

Post Reply New Topic

How do you cope when you wake up and realise it is another day alone again. That going out won't make any difference even if you could afford to go anywhere (which today you can't) because people won't speak to you or socialise with you even if you do. Either they won't talk to you because they think you are too weird (and you live in a small village where they are very cliquey) or, if you can't get further afeild your attempts to talk to them end at discussing today's weather, depsite your best efforts.

I am screaming and hitting myself on the head again, don't want to discuss it with my dr, I don't need time in a hospital, I need a friend, someone to talk to about things of interest, to laugh and joke with (not to talk about problems, I don't want a woe buddy, I want to take my mind off my problems).

I don't want preaching about how I should try harder either please, that is not going to help me right now as I have tired as hard as I can whether people think that is enough or not I have done my best and can do no more than that. And no I don't hate myself, people are not really giving me a fair chance in many instances and even if they do that does not mean there is enough compatibility for friendship there. But people avoiding me because I don't have any friends and they think that must mean something wrong me does not help.

I just don't want to injure myself because I getting too upset over this and preaching to me is only going to make things worse.

Bumble - I feel for ya, but you are locked in a loop and the really hard part is that nobody can get you out of it but you.

I think most of us who have had friends can tell you that that doesn't solve things. Sometimes it can make you feel better for a while, sometimes it just makes you feel worse, but you will still have to deal with your life.

I hope you can get through this. If I was there, I'd go to the museum with you! Oh I forgot to tell you I dreamt about sharks last night and they were circling my boat, but then a guy went into the ocean and picked one up and it was really friendly. I woke up and laughed and thought about you!

I couldn't preach at you if I wanted, I wouldn't know what to preach at you - just feel better!

(I really think your shark or bus book is a great idea though.)

Can you get a part-time job or do some volunteer work in area that interests you? You might be able to meet some people with common interest this way.

I think that work (purposeful activity) is good for getting to know people gradually without having to socialize for socializing's sake. While working together, most people will talk about non-work things and share details of their lives, and that is one path to getting to know people and making friends.

You should maybe get a pet dog or something. Dogs feel mood, and often actively try to cheer you up when you are down.
Just walking your dog for a few hours each day will make you feel a lot better. Might also help you meet people, but even if it doesn't, you will feel better.

Or you can get a cat. Cats are bstrds though imo.

I am the opposite of you. You like to go out. I try to stay in and sleep as much as possible or I get observed in special interests. I have never had many friends where I live now, so I don't even try to socialize with people or make friends (after 29 years, who cares?). Honestly, coming on this website has helped restore me to sanity when I was all alone a couple of months ago with no job and no one to talk to. I was suicidal everyday and life seemed meaningless. I like knowing that there are other AS people.

Now that I have a job, I am not as lonely. I don't have big social needs. I just need to see or talk a little bit each day, even on a surface level. I don't have friends that I hang out with and haven't for a long time. I do communicate with a few people over the phone and I have a sponsor (spiritual advisor) that I meet with each week. I guess the internet would be my solution because it provides me with facts about special interests and ways to connect with people who do not live in my home town.

I wonder if you could get a service dog? They train them for autism and they are said to be very helpful. They also serve as a connector in conversation. Plus they can go anywhere versus other dogs that are restricted.

I know even if you could get a scholarship though that it's a major expense that sounds impossible for right now.

I am finding that I am making a certain amount of progress by just acting friendly and nice.
I noticed a while back ago that a friend of my grandfather is a liked and respected person and that he is also a very quiet person who kinda keeps to himself. I think what he has going for him is that he comes off as being very friendly and nice and easy going. I have been trying this when hanging out with my friend when he's with his friends and they seem to be taking just a little bit more of a shine to me and that is all I really want. To feel a little more comfortable around them and for them to feel a little more comfortable around me. Baby steps.

Hey Bumble - sorry to hear you're having a rough go of it. I think we can all relate to how tough it can be sometimes to be a stranger in a strange land.

Try carving out some extra time to do the things you really enjoy: going to a museum, making your favourite meal, a cherished hobby, watching your favourite movie - whatever works for you. Like on an airplane when the oxygen masks fall, you need to put on your own mask first and take care of yourself, making sure you're good, before anything else.

I agree that a dog or cat might help. We have a cat. I never thought I'd be a cat person but I love the furry meowler Most days she greets me at the door when I come home and she often comes to talk to me in a language I don't understand Perhpas she's a cat who thinks she's a dog.

Take care and best wishes for better days ahead.

I'm sure there's someone around who'll listen and talk to you, even if "only" via typed words.