want to do things but too afraid of the pressure

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i cant handle pressure, at all. part of the reason why i skipped school, im simply too slow to get things done on time and my dad will criticize me for giving up and keeps saying "Emily, EVERYONE is Different, and no one likes doing things they dont want to, you have to suck it up just like everyone else"(part of the reason i had an internal meltdown),

i just broke down because sometimes, i want to go back to school like all the other kids my age but i cant handle it, my grades are aways low, and i have trouble handling teachers demands.

i need to find a middle ground, but i cant, what should i do? its either i do nothing at all or everything, my dad tries and pressures me to do things too, but since i havent done anything in almost a year, im very sensitive to demands more than ever. Im completely out of options.

I could pressure myself to do things but even when im desensitized to pressure, i still have meltdowns frequently and get depressed. its a terrible cycle

This might be an unpopular answer, but I think the adults should figure things out and make suggestions to make it easier. I wish that had happened for me. I understand maybe everything has been tried, but isn't it his job to dig around for more help from counselors or school or relatives or somewhere so that you can try to have some relief from the pressure? And your role to try things until something clicks?

Homeschool. What's the Canadian equivalent of a GED (high school equivalency diploma here in the US)?

Homeschooling or ombudsman from home (if they are in your country). I did ombudsman at home and it was easy and not overwhelming for me. I wouldn't count on the adults in your life to know what's best for you. I was forced into what adults wanted for me for 3 years in high school and I went into deep depression and was worse than before. I finally spoke up and said I want to do schooling from home and that was the best decision for me. I finished a year of school in 4 months.

My closest experience to what I would consider the type of pressure you describe has something like three components:

1. A task someone expects me to complete.

2. A deadline or timeframe within which someone expects me to complete the task.

3. My perceptions and anticipation of the consequences of my meeting or failing to meet the other person(s) expectations of me.

Faced with this, my biggest enemy is my own fear of the repercussions of failing to meet others’ expectations. E.g. being shamed, yelled at, guilt, feeling less-than, and so on.

This all provides me with a few points of intervention in my self-limiting pattern of reactions and behaviors.

1. Task Expectations - Even if I initially understand the task at hand, my mind tends to want to intuitively wrap itself around the task so that I can more fully understand it. If I am not very careful this can mean that I may either expand the task into something bigger and more complicated (and harder to do) than the initial real expectation, or I may lose sight of the original expectation and spend time doing something quite different.

Example: The task expectation is that I write an essay on the pros and cons of Topic A. I may really get into it and before I know it I have launched into a historical analysis of the relative pros and cons of Topics A, B, and C as they have evolved over the last three centuries. Of course in doing this I miss the assigned deadline, fail to meet expectations, and experience negative repercussions. Knowing that I may fall into this trap, before I even start it I mentally freeze-up and likely experience some form of meltdown. Others then accuse me of procrastination. The solution is that I have to constantly refer back to the task assignment to make sure I don’t get off task, however much more fun my own line of thought may be.

2. Task Deadline Expectations - I hate deadlines; they can take all the fun out of things. One approach I can sometimes use is to analyze the task down to sub-parts, set myself time limits for each subpart, set a timer, and then make a game out of complete each before the buzzer goes off. This has the advantage of keeping me on task.

In the prior example, if I set myself a timer that allows me 30 minutes to complete the initial outline for the paper, I am likely to early-on discard veering off into Topics B and C just because I can’t get them outlined within the 30 minutes. (I sometimes find it quite rewarding to visualize playing the ruthless knight in a video game, savagely striking things from the outline that stand in the way of my objective.)

3. Perceived Consequences - I like to be liked. I dislike facing disapproval. I can experience disapproval and being disliked as somewhat emotionally catastrophic. Because of this, and because in that past I have faced people’s disapproval due to failing meet their task and deadline expectations, I quite naturally avoid taking on task assignments.

To overcome this I have had to cognitively challenge my perceptions of catastrophic consequences. I mentally ask myself the usual questions: “What is the worst that can happen? If I do experience disapproval, is it really such a big deal?” Part of this too, for me, is confronting my perfectionism. If I do not receive an “A+” on an assignment I tend to consider myself a failure. I love an old Russian saying: “The best is the enemy of good enough”; it encourages me to be pleased with receiving a Gentleman’s C.

Anyway, that is just my experience. Of course your mileage my vary. Cheers

Can you learn things on your own at home? Like follow some program for GED? It seems like you have trouble with the demands from others to do things, so maybe try doing the same things on your own without the time pressure and people around and see if that works bester.