cuddle limits at school

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My LSA says that a do cuddle her too much and that it should be restricted to once per lesson.
As sometimes I cuddle 3 or 4 Times a lesson but not always

mmcool,

You really should not be hugging your Learning Support Assistant. I know you only intend to show an innocent affection, but in the real world it is considered a boundary violation.

I can tell you mean no harm, but even one hug is too much. I'm telling you this because I care about you, and I don't want anyone in the future to accuse you of sexual harassment.

You cannot hug your doctor, lawyer, teacher, etc. The only people you can hug are family and very very close friends.

Peace.

I disagree with that first response.

The answer is.. it depends & is situational.

I have a very huggy friend who often greets regular customers at one of his workplaces with a hug & everyone's cool with it. He and I hug when we meet or part ways, too.

I was at a Christmas party last night. I had met one person there once a couple years ago (and kept in touch via facebook since), and everyone else was completely brand new to me. One girl was giving everyone a hug before she left, and hugged me, too. It was fine. Then the guy vho invited me gave me a couple hugs before I left - which was fine, he's just a modern high tech hippie working for greenpeace who has nothing but love for everyone.

Sometimes hugs are a-okay. I'd say in MOST cases they're inappropriate at school with teachers/LSA's.. but not always. Depends on the individuals and situations.

I think it sucks to put out a blanket statement that hugs are only for close friends and family. The world could use a few more loving caring huggy people who aren't afraid to show a little love to others when it's appropriate to do so.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I'm sorry, Goldfish, but I disagree. It "depends" and "it's situational" is a very tough thing for an Aspie to understand, and we get it wrong so much that we need to protect ourselves and be safe. That's why I responded the way I did. I don't want anyone to accuse mmcool of something he didn't intend.

The world can be nasty and very litigious. One mistake, one gesture misinterpreted, is all it takes.

hugging your assistant can be dangerous for her career. If a parent or admin sees it and complains to the school board or police (or Facebook) then she could lose her job for allowing you to get too close. They might interpret it to mean you are in a romantic relationship even if that is not the case. All it takes is the accusation.

The world isn't a black and white place. And just because there are shades of grey doesn't mean they're 50 shades of grey. I think it's sad to believe there must be blanket a no contact rule implemented in order to prevent false accusations or litigation. I think it would be much more appropriate for the op to focus on learning when it's appropriate and acceptable to hug someone vs. discourage him/her from hugging people at all for fear of it causing problems.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

Goldfish, we agree on something!

It is a really hard lesson for an Aspie to learn though - for me it was compounded by the fact that I hated giving or getting hugs and was told so often I was weird and cold that I started forcing myself to hug everyone. It took me many many years to figure out that that wasn't necessary or even good.

The OP doesn't sound like he has that problem, but I can't see how a 17 year old boy giving his caregiver a hug is so dangerous. Maybe he could use this as a learning thing and talk to her about it, see if she really is comfortable or not (since she brought it up, she may be really not wanting hugs at all which would make it a different story). Maybe she can give him some hints about reading other people. But unless he is trying to cop a feel (which it doesn't sound like), I think it's ok.

Guys
The school says on it that it needs to be aprrioit cuddles like side cuddles

mmcool,
Ok. Just as long as you are following the rules. I don't want you to be cold, just safe.

You just quoted me, basically repeated what I said in that quote, then kind of yelled at me for saying it. We all have those days though, I think I've done it myself.

Because I am agreeing with what you said, it was what I said already that you quoted. She may really not want him to hug her at all, but you are assuming it's a fact that she doesn't. Maybe she's ok with one hug. But irregardless, she's there to assist him and help him learn and I think a discussion about the matter which he clearly is confused about since he came here asking us about it, would benefit him and help him understand hugs in general, not to mention help him get clear on the feelings of the woman who is helping him. He's young, he just needs to learn without people who don't really know what the woman is thinking, telling him what to do based on their assumptions.

he says "cuddle" not "hug" in the original post. I think "cuddle" conjures up a bit more physical boundary crossing than a simple hug.
The original poster needs to define this activity better before any of us can put forth a cohesive reply.

If it is a hug then that's fine, and it's important that the poster respects that one hug on meeting and one on leaving would be a maximum for most interactions with a person you are not dating. it's important that the LSA teaches this to her subject/pupil. And it sounds like she is trying to be gentle about it.

If it's cuddles, then it's even more important to learn. But considering it has been implied that it has been going on already for a while, I don't think there is a fear of continued level of intimacy leading to charges.

To the original poster: Accept that the person has given you a gentle suggestion that it is time to wean you off a physical intimacy and move towards a more professional contact with this person who is trying to teach you about the world.

I'm not a learning assistant in a school but I'm pretty damn close and I have worked as a 1 on one outside of schools and in camp settings. A camper told me "I love you" and I was told if it happened again I was fired. I'd worked with the kid for two years and I have no idea what prompted him to do that but it was very scary for me and I had to ask not to be put in groups with him.

I want to point out, it is (presumably) the middle of the school year, if she is only just NOW insisting it needs to be toned down it is because she was told it needs to be toned down/stop.

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I understand what you guys are all saying, but I don't see any need for her to be vague. If she wants him to stop, she can say stop. And while it's true she may be trying to save his feelings, he has a right to know exactly what she wants. He should talk to her and do what she says, ask her for help in understanding. I think it's possible we are reading too much into it though, she may really just want him to tone it down, people do feel that way sometimes. He has a right to know though and he won't learn anything if they pussyfoot around him like that.