What is okay to laugh about according to you?

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I find that it is okay to laugh,

1. if you laugh because of something you fear.

If find that it is not okay to laugh,

2. if you laugh because others are worse off than you, are involved in an accident, are somehow doing badly in life.


In NT society I find that I am expected to laugh for reason number 2, not number 1! That is really disturbing to me!

What is okay to laugh about according to you? What intentions can you approve on?

Last edited by qawer on 16 Jan 2014, 9:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

I would never laugh at someone who is fat even if I fear getting fat. Its rude. Never ever laugh AT anyone. Would you like it if someone laughed at you during a speech because you're talking too fast and you ask them why they laughed at you and they said, "because I fear doing that during my speech". That doesn't even make sense. I don't even know what you're trying to get at with your post. Just don't laugh at anyone. Only laugh at a funny story someone is telling or an inside joke. Simple as that. Fears are scary, not funny.

No I would never laugh at anyone, that is my point indeed. But I see many who do just that.

I was just considering what kind of laughter is okay considering I find many kinds of laughter to not be okay (for instance laughing at someone).


The truth is, with some fears you can almost only either laugh or cry about them, so laughter could be a way of dealing with them.

Life is disturbing.

Personally, it's ok to laugh about anything that's funny. I believe that it's important that you have people you can feel safe with where you can laugh about things that others may find inappropriate. If you find yourself laughing at things that are mean-spirited a lot of the time, then it's time you got your head out of your ass and opened your eyes to the diversity and struggles of people around you.

I would laugh at someone who is overweight only if they were alright with it and, like, making fun of it themselves or I know they would also laugh, honestly, if I made fun of them.

For instance, I'm fat. My husband still finds me sexy. When we got married we joked about having the Fat chocobo music play when I walked down the aisle. We didn't have that though because of the horrifying looks so many of our guests would have had, even though both of us would have found that absolutely hilarious.
I make fun of my husband's terrible memory all the time. We both laugh.

It's the difference between laughing at someone and laughing with them. Laughing at someone is disturbing.

I agree on that. Laughing should really only find place between genuine friends.

I just find the distinction between laughing out of fear and laughing for social reasons essential. That is the difference between laughing about your husbands terrible memory because you both in general fear not being able to remember, and you pointing out his terrible memory as a way of making fun of him. The latter is simply the general notion on pointing out flaws in others to feel better about oneself. I know that is more accepted the more it happens between genuine friends, but the general idea behind that intention is disturbing to me.

But surely as always, when everybody is fine, all is great. I just find that many tend to violate that rule.

Yeah you'd find mine and my husband's relationship disturbing probably then.

Social laughter, when all parties enjoy it, is...the acknowledgement that there is something unideal or flawed about the person, but you accept them for who they are anyways. It shows that you know the person really well and that you love them regardless. It's a sign of unconditional acceptance or love, and as such can be a true bonding experience.
My husband is also higher in weight than he likes to be, but because he's sensitive about the issue, and whenever I try to tease him about it, it upsets him, I've stopped doing that and instead give him hugs and say he looks good. (because he does!)
About the memory, like what else am I supposed to do when I've made the same dish maybe a dozen times before and my husband comes home and is like 'Oh, what's this? This is something new, is it?'

If you are unable to laugh at yourself, then I can see how you would find this disturbing too. I do funny things, I do stupid things, I laugh at myself for it, and I don't dwell on it. Despite all my issues, I've never considered myself as having low self-esteem.

Wow, thank you, now we are getting where I want to get at.

I think it all comes down to what one's perspective on life is:

"I am on my own and I basically need to deal with life myself"

or

"I am together with others, I will help them and they will help me."


If you have the second view it will be easier to accept that social laughter. But for a person like me, without highly developed social skills, I cannot rely on anyone else than myself (and girlfriend/close family, but no further than that). People tend to either dislike me or use me for their own good if I allow them to. I cannot rely on them.

I am able to laugh at myself, but not in the "now I am making fun of myself"-spirit, but in the "wow, I am not very good at that, that could cause me trouble"-spirit.


I can completely relate to the type of laughter you share with your husband (because you are so close and of course accept each other), but I cannot understand that same type of laughter in a work place.

It's just great when you both laugh at it, and I would too with someone I was that close to.

I have just met NTs who think everybody in the world are similarly close so they are allowed to laugh in the same way about complete strangers. That is disturbing.

Everything

I normally tend to laugh at jokes.

I think anyone should be able to laugh at anyone or anything they want. The number of minorities who get offended at every little thing is ridiculous.

Oh I've met plenty of people who mock and it's in no way, shape or form construed by anyone involved as acceptance. Quite the opposite.

It is okay to laugh when you find something is funny! I don't know why people can't understand this. It's simple.

I find I laugh when the joke is spontaneous, as in the Monsters Laugh Floor at Disney World. Kind of related, but I have seen shows like "Friends" and "Big Bang Theory" and there is all the laugh track and even when I watch it for awhile, where is the funny? Yet those shows rate well. Is it something I'm missing?

Personally i just laugh at whatever triggers it.
I have been admonished before, "thats not funny" but oh well, I obviously thought it was.

For what it is worth, I have been told "thats not funny" by people with diagnosed autism.
Its not just an NT thing.

What you think is funny is entirely individual, even though different societies tend to have different ideas of humour. I read that society that struggles to survive is more likely to find an old man collapsing from hunger funny than we would in the west today. The reasoning had something to do with the fact that they are staring down the barrel of death every day and they just see things differently.

What you have to be mindful of is the people you are with. I doubt anyone manages to always get it right, but you have to consider the impact of your laughter or comments on them.

I saw on Two and a Half Men the other night one of the brothers, Alan, had a Hitler style moustache drawn on his face because he had an evening with a German dominatrix. He said, looking into a mirror, "Not really such a bad look. Pity one guy had to ruin in for all the rest of us."
I thought it was funny. I was considering how silly it is that a particular moustache was practically taboo just because one person happened to be wearing it when it was fashionable, then he did some bad things for which he became well known, and the moustache did not contribute to his activities, yet got banned from the moustache buffet for ever more.
But I can see how someone with personal ties with the holocaust might think that both the moustache and the style of encounter in which Alan participated might both be inappropriate and making light of a phenomenal amount of human misery.
If you can identify when people in your presence look uncomfortable or are maybe being very quiet, maybe you will find you and they are not laughing together. Then it's just a matter of whether or not you care if you have offended them, or what they think of you.

I sometimes laugh at racist jokes. I think people can be a bit sensitive and don't like the idea of making everything out of bounds just in case someone gets upset. But I would not be that careless in the company of anyone who might possibly be offended. I don't actually want to hurt people.
Somehow that seems to happen regardless