So, What Changes With a Diagnosis?

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Hi there! I'm new-ish here (I've been registered, and lurking, for a while, but this is only my second post and first-ever thread).

To make a long and protracted story short, for a few years now (I'm 27 now; the topic has come up a few times in the last five or so years), my mother has suspected that I'm likely somewhere on the spectrum, though I myself doubt this. Aside from social awkwardness that borders on phobia when it comes to situations where I feel like I don't have an exit, I don't think I present with any of the "classic" or more accurately, stereotypical Autism or Asperger's signs. I consider myself emotional, almost overly so, and that's the main thing. Other things like hobbies, interests, interest in romance and sex and stuff, I can leave that to the fact that people are different even within the same group.

At my mother's recommendation, I'm getting evaluated because it's come up again a couple of days ago. So I have a question. What changes with an official diagnosis? Does it make who I am and what I've done up to that point...a lie? I know that a lot of people, my now-ex-girlfriend included, have felt a lot better after getting a formal diagnosis and feel like they've gotten more clarity. For me, it just makes things less clear and more muddled and if I'm allowed to be honest, I'm scared of what a diagnosis either way would mean.

A little of this is that I'm looking for reassurance. Reassurance that regardless of what the results are, that I'm still me, and that the people I care about the most, being my family members and friends, both on- and offline, can see that.

Nothing unless you let it.

EDIT - Accidentally pressed submit on this post too early. What I mean to say is that obviously it can provide some insight in that it could potentially explain why you have been acting the way you have or feeling the way you have, but it doesn't change who you are.. it's just a label. It opens up access to services and other things in many countries but also restricts you from certain jobs (such as military I've heard). In essence it's just an explanation.

The underlined characteristics, you mention yourself, CAN be typical for the spectrum.
Many aspies have very few visible traits. Many are so close to the non-autistic end of the spectrum, that they are hardly diagnosable, but yet they may have a few things, that can be a bit of a "bully" in their lives, or they have special strengths.

AS is NOT an illness. It is NOT a personality disorder.
AS is a special facet of your personality, and it can give you stronger and weaker sides, that exeeds average a bit.

Note this:
A diagnose would not make anything in your life a lie! Nor would it turn you into another person! It doesn´t alter your identity!
It ONLY provides you with an explanation as to why you react in this or that way in situations, you may have wondered about.
It could even help you to find out how to minimize certain things, you might percieve as problems.
Selfknowledge is one of the great tools, we can have in life, and should never be feared.

Welcome to WP Rubyfruit!! I am actually getting an unofficial diagnosis just to confirm what I already know is true. I discovered that I was on the Spectrum two years ago. What knowing has done for me has really been great. I am in my forties and for the first time in my life I actually feel like my life is not a lie. I have the freedom to be who I am quirks and all, because now I know I am not just a weirdo but that there is actually a reason for my quirks. Now I don't have to hide them like I used to. I have much more confidence to be my authentic self. I still get insecure and hide my Aspie traits sometimes but not nearly as much as I used to. That is really good and it takes some stress away when I can feel free to be myself.

I can't afford an official diagnosis but I have a psychiatrist who was willing to do one for me without charging me. I can't get it officially documented but that does not matter to me. We are still doing the questions and evaluations but it won't be on record. I prefer it that way anyway because in the US a diagnosis is very expensive and even if I got an official one I am too old for it to do me any good as far as help and resources. But at least this way I have peace of mind with all of this.

Hi Rubyfruit! My experience is similar to that of Skibum above. For me it was a taking-off point. All of a sudden things made sense, I wasn't just weird. Since there are few helps for adults with AS, I'm doing a lot of on-going research on how to help myself. May I recommend this book -

Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight
What to Do If You Are Sensory Defensive in an Overstimulating World

http://www.amazon.com/Loud-Bright-Fast- ... ron+heller

This allowed me to make a lot of small and large changes at home - things as cheap as light bulbs - the relief is wonderful - my apartment is aspie heaven.

It's up to you if anything changes, really.

Thank you for posting this link. This is great.

Rubyfruit, another thing that has been great for me is that finding out has really helped my relationship with my husband and my siblings. My husband and I are getting closer because he is now able to learn about Asperger's and Autism and he is able to meet my needs better enabling me to meet his needs better. Before I was a huge source of frustration because of my unexplained quirks. And my brother really supports me as well especially since I found out. Now he understands when I am weird and helps me through it rather than just saying, "you're being weird".

That's true of me too. I have a brother that became my friend after a lifetime of calling me a "troublemaker" - but we still have nothing in common.

I can;t speak for anyone else, but my AS diagnosis a few months ago gave me a tiny amount of peace, because I finally had a name for the difference I'd seen within myself from a very young age. Having a doctor agree with me meant I wasn't crazy or delusional.

That is a really big deal. I felt that relief as well. That means more than a lot of people realize.

FWIW

My husband was diagnosed at 50, after a full bore meltdown, which resulted in the police being called. After 25 years of "usual Aspie behavior", I was done. I had already lawyered up.

The diagnosis made a huge difference. I thought he has being a childish, self centered, rigid, anti social jackass. His behaviors were because he was drowning in the social ocean. All his actions were defenses against a world he really doesn't "get". Pile on the anxiety and depression, his life isn't fun outside the home.

He functions in the real world on a 15 year old kid level. That is his social skills set.

So a diagnosis saved us from divorcing.

FWIW

My husband was diagnosed at 50, after a full bore meltdown, which resulted in the police being called. After 25 years of "usual Aspie behavior", I was done. I had already lawyered up.

The diagnosis made a huge difference. I thought he has being a childish, self centered, rigid, anti social jackass. His behaviors were because he was drowning in the social ocean. All his actions were defenses against a world he really doesn't "get". Pile on the anxiety and depression, his life isn't fun outside the home.

He functions in the real world on a 15 year old kid level. That is his social skills set.

So a diagnosis saved us from divorcing.

Tawaki that is awesome that it saved your marriage. I feel like in ways it did mine as well. It is so good when your spouse can understand you. What a huge difference that makes. That is an inspiring story. My husband has always felt that he was married to a twelve to fifteen year old and now he knows why and that is huge.

Does anybody know how I can find out what level is my social skills set?

Queendom has a social quotient test. I took it and it told me some things. It did not give me an age range though but it told me areas where I was lacking and where my strengths were. I did not have any strengths really, I ended lacking a good bit though! LOL But at least you can get an idea from that test about some of your social skills. As far as an age range, people who know me best have told me that I function mostly around a 10 to 15 year old level and I know that some of the behaviors I can have at times resemble kids that I have worked with that are 5 and under. If you are able to self observe and self analyze you can probably notice some of these things about yourself. One of my friends who works with Spectrumites said that quite a few Aspies and Auties are able to do this very well so you might be able to also.

Nothing about you changes witha diagnosis. You are still the same "you" that you always have been and always will be. A diagnosis does not make you different!

I am also really high functioning and I usually don't "look" or seem autistic at all. I am very far from being the stereotypical aspie. There are some things that a lot of people with AS struggle with which I have never had any problems with such as personal space.
When I was diagnosed a year ago, and the only change was a better understanding of myself and my needs. It also helped my parents, teachers, and other professionals working with me, to understand/help me. It has been SO MUCH easier to identify things to work on. There are so many "that's why I do that" moments. So much has gotten better in my life simply because we could explain it. It also opened up some resources that we didn't even know existed, that have really helped me out such as a support program at my college and a local organization that does young adult social groups.

One really great thing that happened was that my mom and I have gotten so much better at communicating because we finally new were to look for the problem and then as we've worked together at making it better.

At first I was scared to tell other people, even some of my close family members, that I have AS because I thought that I would be treated differently. I quickly got over this fear though, because that never happened. It really didn't matter to anyone that I was diagnosed with AS. I am still me and they are still them and none of that can change because of a label.

I am still me, with my same friends, family, interests, hobbies, and everything.

And it's ok too if your experience with getting a diagnosis is different from some other people's. Like you said, everyone is different.