Who needs to change here?

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Yesterday I had an appt with my psychiatrist, whom I really like and who is really supportive of me (she even likes Dory!) All in all, things have been going better for me, and I told her so...I think the Prozac (Fluoxetine) that I'm taking is helping me regulate my emotions and feel less disproportionately anxious about things, and I don't get "stuck" on things that I get nervous or angry about the way I used to.

When my psychiatrist asked me how things in my home life were going, I said, "Well, I still feel nervous around my stepmother, but I'm used to that....she has the sort of personality that makes it necessary to walk on eggshells around her." And my psychiatrist smiled and said, "And that's great that the Prozac is helping that not bother you as much, as you said...because we can't change her; the only person we can change is ourselves."

And, I know she's absolutely right about that, but...what do you do when you feel like you're the one who has had to make all the accommodations, keep quiet, give in, etc in order for someone to just carry on as they usually do with no interruptions to THEIR patterns of interacting with people? For instance, when my stepmother got a new job, she would be downright snippy and rude when she got home, and my dad and I were supposed to just take it. But let me come home from a stressful, emotionally draining day at school, go right to my room and just crash/withdraw for three hours, and my stepmom would give me a lecture about how I should do more constructive things with my time. I always thought the way it was supposed to work was that SHE was the mom/female role model in the family, SHE was supposed to make more of an effort to understand and be sympathetic towards ME.

Even my dad tells me, "She's too old to change," so I just stay quiet and just do the smile-and-nod routine while my stepmom is just as snippy, condescending and moody as usual. I know it's true that the only person I can change is myself, and I'll probably never feel truly at ease around my stepmother the way daughters are supposed to feel around their mothers, but how come I am and always have been the one to do all the "changing" for the sake of family harmony? It kind of sucks, you know?

It took me having to take a drastic leave of absence from my mother and brother to get them to change their tune from failing to see why the therapist wanted to see them at some of my appointments to reaching out a bit more towards me, however in my temporary digs I've been in such a rut that when my family does text me, if I don't catch it in real time I'll procrastinate horribly in replying. Meanwhile, taking 50mg Sertraline has taken some of the edge off a relatively major part of the anxiety I was feeling when dealing with them

I would only change if I wanted it for myself, not for other people. I live with a demanding person too and I just ignore them when they go off on one of their rants. I do want to change them so life can be much easier for me and someone else I live with but this person has no concept on what their behaviour is doing to others.

Deep down I think a person must feel awful about being that way.

I don't anymore.
I used to, to a great extent, try and accommodate others.
It ended up worse for me in the long run.
I have no issue accommodating small things for other people, providing they are willing to do the same for me.
If not, I'm not going to tolerate their behavior.
I'm an adult and a human too. I deserve to be treated with the same about of respect I'm showing them.