Problems with greetings

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Anyone else have problems with greetings or saying hello to people? I always end up saying the wrong thing because I already have what i'm about to say in my head so no matter what the other person says I end up saying what I have already planned in my head. ie. Someone asks me "What's going on" and I end up saying "I'm good." Uggghh, the art of small talk continues to escape me. Thought I would share.

for decades, when somebody asked me "how's it goin'?" I would give them my life story, only to find their eyes glazing over [at best]. I eventually learned to just say "oh, survivin' I guess."

"What's going on," "how's it going" = "what's in it for me"? That's the long version. Short is, "Hi" = acknowledgement of unhostile intention. Punctuation as content, basically. A grunt is as good as a nod.

One would think that, after all my years on Earth, I'd learn the ways of greetings and small talk. Unfortunately, it eludes me to this day. I'm as awkward as I ever was.

small talk is easier than big talk.

<--- Trespassing where he lives.

<--- Trespassing at his job.

<--- Just a living, breathing trespasser.

<---Even his neighbors ignore him.

^^^
better ignored than persecuted.

Like the OP wrote, I have imaginary conversations when I know they need to be made. If I am passing someone, usually I have just one, but may say it a little awkwardly. If they ask me another question, it may get a little more awkward (but pleasant, I think).

I used to give too much information myself like auntblabby or say things that people would think are controversial about rules and silly office politics. Once I got a tongue lashing from that, so I keep it pleasant and brief.

I often forget to greet people unless they greet me before.

When people asks me "how are you?" I answer their question if I feel something (like, when I'm angry, sad or happy); if I don't feel anything I remain silent for a while and then say "normal".
I've had people laughing at that answer and I don't know why.

I used to delve too personally into my life, but now I have a pretty rote script for how I say good morning/hello to people.
I do have the same problem as OP with getting this script confused (e.g. someone says, "What's up?" I respond, "Fine thanks, how are you?"), but if people notice they don't seem to let on. I wonder if NTs go through these motions the same way I do...?

[VGH] Hi.

I'm like the OP sometimes. An example happened only a few weeks ago:

Me: "Hey how's it goin'?'
Friend: "Mornin'"
Me: "Er uh yeah yeah mornin'"

(I continue moving to where I was walking to)

The last part I sort of panicked with thinking up a quick response.

Try turning it around in a 'Bond, James bond' style.

Start with something neutral, either 'Hi', 'Hello' you then have a chance for the appropriate addition.

How's it going? > 'Hi......It's all good, and you?'

How are you? > 'Hello.......I'm good thanks.'

Hello > 'Hi.'

In my experience, in an office that you are a part of, greetings are an expected social requirement, and people say them, receive them back, and forget about the details. In general, as long as you keep to the basic culturally accepted greeting list (and it differs by location and status), you should be all right.

i just say hey back if they greet me. if my sensory issues are bad, i just wave at them. but i rarely greet someone first