Looking normally in the eye problem

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Does anyone of you in here,have the problem at looking people at the eye but when they look back you keep your gaze in the ground as if you fear them or feel guilty.I dont know how to look people normally,i dont even look at them at all or stare.Do you have any suggestion how to cope with this problem?

Just practice, I guess. I used to avoid eye contact as a kid but as I grew up, and became more confident, I started looking people in the eye. It wasn't easy. As a matter of fact, when I used to play guitar in a band, I never made eye contact with the audience at all. I supposed practicing is the most effective teacher.

The brain becomes overwhelmed by the sensation of being looked at, and attempting to read nonverbal communications in the other person's facial expressions and thus becomes distracted from the conversation. Eye contact feels uncomfortable and even intrusive, like the other person is trying to see inside your head.

One trick for coping with that discomfort is to make eye contact briefly, look away - I usually pick a spot over the person's shoulder, so I'm still looking at eye level, just not at their face - then back again. As long as you look back at them often enough that they know you haven't stopped listening, they're usually satisfied.

So I saw this post on twitter and it got me thinking about my 7 yr old daughter (my lil Aspie girl) and eye contact. First I want to say that I love Wrong Planet. It's such a great way for parents or other NTs to get a better insight into the life of our own loved ones with Aspergers and it's such a great way for Aspies to ask questions such as that in the OP here.

Anyway back on topic (I have severe ADHD and yes my house is crazy lol). I was reading this post and it made me wonder how she feels about looking ppl in the eyes. It's so hard for us NTs to even grasp what it's like most of the time. Then I started wondering, what difference does it really make if she doesn't make eye contact? Honestly, having ADHD myself, I tend to multitask constantly. So I rarely look someone in the eyes when conversing. Of course it's for a different reason but, I can be reading something an listening to someone talk to me at the same time and fully retain the info from both.

The way I handle the no eye contact thing personally is to tell the person, "I'm not ignoring you so just keep talking cause I'm hearing/listening to what you're saying". I guess most NTs need the eye contact in order to feel that the person is actually interested In the conversation. I never realized how much is involved in communicating with another person till I started learning more and researching how to help my daughter cope with day to day living. But, maybe just telling the person (obviously this may not be an option in some settings) that you're listening and to please not take your lack of eye contact as a lack of interest on your part would suffice. If you find that you're frequently in a setting that doesn't allow this, I'd have to agree with the others that practicing and/or focusing on something in the general direction of the other persons eyes/face would probably be the best thing.

Wishing you luck with this issue.

Try looking at the bridge of their nose, or to one side of their eye.
Generally speaking, look at them when they're speaking and look away when you're speaking, look back at them as you get ready to let them talk for a moment. Lets 'em know its their turn.

If they look at your eyes while they're speaking it means either:
-It's nearly your turn, or
-This bit of the conversation is "important," or
-They're weird.
More or less.

I have some audio processing issues (adventures in listening!) so I have a tendency to watch their mouth, which disconcerts me when someone else does it, especially if they're standing close which makes it more obvious.
So it might be weird to elseone's too.

Another trick I do is make myself try to remember the colour of their eyes. If you do that then you had to look at their eyes. Then, after you do that, get the colour of their eyebrows, and pay attention to the shape of their nose.

Yeah I think most of us have a problem with the eye contact thing. It's really a matter of practice to where it becomes ingrained enough to where you do it without thinking about it. I guess I'm pretty good at it these days (by my standards at least) but it took many years to get there. I'm still not all that great at it. I'm sure most people still consider me aloof.

Offbeat question but why the heck do NT's look at each other in the eyes? I know it's supposedly "natural" but it doesn't make sense. Obviously your words are meaningless if you don't look at each other in the eyes... but better not stare because that's creepy! Like wtf