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Zettatron
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06 Jan 2013, 10:23 pm

I just joined the forum and thought I could get some advise from the more wise. Currently I'm 16 and I have always suspected an ASD in myself ever since I was 13. Since then I pretty much have been hiding from the idea and trying to convince myself I was normal. Well recently I took the plunge, and decided it was time to face my problems head on. So here's the issue: my parents don't even know. I'm really scared to approach them about it. It's weird though because they're the type who will give me affection. I'm not sure if it's best to reach out. Really I could just wait a year and a half to get diagnosed, but I'm not sure what is involved in a diagnosis. I really need help from one of my kind about how I should confront this issue. Thanks to all!



Logicalmom
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06 Jan 2013, 10:35 pm

Hm - well, if your parents are the supportive types, you might want to arm yourself with information - solid resources such as Tony Attwood's page, and sit down with them. You might need to let them settle with the idea - give them some info and tell them you'd like to read it and then set an "appointment" for a talk. Or, you can wait.

How is school and whatnot? Can you benefit from some learning supports? You can factor these sorts of needs into your decision.

Totally your call, but it sure sounds like you want to talk to them. The words you use to describe them sounds like they will listen - you know best. They might surprise you and not be surprised. My family wasn't.


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sharkattack
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06 Jan 2013, 10:39 pm

Your 16 and I am 38 and I only put it together back it April.

Ok you likely have Autism of some form.

Having this condition we tend to view the world in black and white terms with no in-between.

Look at the upside your only 16 and you have worked this out.
Rather then feeling guilty for messing up situations and in effect your life like I have you have a great opportunity.

You can work on your strong points and not feel guilty about areas in which you fall short.

I always felt I should have loads of friends and a wife and I always felt guilty that I was a failure and I had messed up.

Your situation is different you have tones of information available about this condition and instead of trying to be normal you could instead try and be happy.

You have a hobbies you enjoy?

I always assumed I was doing something wrong.

If you have Aspergers as you suspect that is the way your brain is wired.

Tell your folks and get it out in the open. :)



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06 Jan 2013, 10:48 pm

Quote:
I'm not weird, I'm just wired differently.

I read this on these forums, I like this sentence.

I think you should first ask your parents about what their thoughts on autism are and slowly try to get closer to the topic and your actual message. That way you can figure out a strategy how to tell them your suspicion without getting a "you're imagining this, stop acting so weird" answer. :)

In case your parents do not know a lot about autism, it is advised to search for some lecture they could read in case your self-diagnosis is correct.


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stephanie75
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06 Jan 2013, 10:57 pm

Hello
Well firstly can I congratulate you on deciding to take the leap and get diagnosed. I do think it is very important to tell your parents. They love you and want to help you so let them while they are here. It is also better to get diagnosed now rather than when you are an adult. That way it gives you time to come to terms with it and deal with it and by the time you are ready to tackle the big bad world you will be more comfortable in yourself and with your condition.

Good luck



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06 Jan 2013, 11:03 pm

Hi, Welcome to Wrong Planet! :D

Please feel to both start discussions and jump in and participate with discussions. For example, if sensory issues are an issue with you, people here might be able to share "tricks" they have (really just methods, or workarounds).

And if you choose to talk with your parents, consider matter-of-factly including the positive, that people on the Spectrum have relationships and get married, have interesting careers such as medical doctor, business entrepreneur, etc.



emimeni
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07 Jan 2013, 10:49 am

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

No advice here, since my mom got a diagnosis for me in hopes it would give me additional supports (it didn't, but I was 19).


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lickcakes
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07 Jan 2013, 12:36 pm

I'm in the same boat. I think the sooner you do it, the better it'll be.
I figured it out 2 months ago, but I haven't said anything because my mom was stressed from her new schedule (two less weeks to complete everything than she normally did). During this period, I couldn't really talk to her, she just shut off after work.
I would also never tell her during one of her romantic comedies.
I think if you said "I have something we need to talk about," your parents might think of the worst thing possible.
I've come to the conclusion that I should just mention it during a conversation, and not force it.
You should let us know how this goes.


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Your Aspie score: 128 of 200
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You are very likely an Aspie
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Sylant
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07 Jan 2013, 12:49 pm

Zettatron wrote:
Really I could just wait a year and a half to get diagnosed, but I'm not sure what is involved in a diagnosis. I really need help from one of my kind about how I should confront this issue. Thanks to all!


I was recently diagnosed, and the process involved them bringing in my mother and asking her questions about my childhood. I'm not sure if that is common practice, but if so it means your parents will probably hear of your diagnosis at the same time you do, or perhaps even piece it together before that time.

I understand at your age it can feel very uncomfortable exposing parts of your life to your parents, and simply the thought of having to explain something like this can be very confronting. But your parents will understand, and i'm sure nothing but good things will come from being open about it with them.



Chloe33
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11 Jan 2013, 8:43 am

Zettatron wrote:
I just joined the forum and thought I could get some advise from the more wise. Currently I'm 16 and I have always suspected an ASD in myself ever since I was 13. Since then I pretty much have been hiding from the idea and trying to convince myself I was normal. Well recently I took the plunge, and decided it was time to face my problems head on. So here's the issue: my parents don't even know. I'm really scared to approach them about it. It's weird though because they're the type who will give me affection. I'm not sure if it's best to reach out. Really I could just wait a year and a half to get diagnosed, but I'm not sure what is involved in a diagnosis. I really need help from one of my kind about how I should confront this issue. Thanks to all!



If you don't think your parents will give you a good reaction it may be best to wait until your an adult.
The thing is, many times the Doctor needs to talk to your parents so that they can learn about how you did as a child.
They want to see how much of the criteria you do or do not meet of Autism and then if necessary move towards Aspergers or the new social communication disorder.
Likely if you have lived with your parents your whole life, they would have noticed you had problems with social skills.

In cases where an adult is being diagnosed, and there are no parents or other relatives living to be able to describe the childhood, at that
point i would assume it would be up to the person getting the diagnosis to explain it to the doctor.

When one is on the spectrum, i really don't see how parents can't notice unless they don't live with you. Back in the 80s my mother took me for some testing back then; in Elementary school they had me in special ed for a few years for social skills and lack thereof.

You likely might have some behavioral "quirks" i know i do....



BrokenBill
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11 Jan 2013, 9:26 am

Chloe33 wrote:
Likely if you have lived with your parents your whole life, they would have noticed you had problems with social skills.


Going on the strongly disagree line with this one.
I was DX'd last November at 52 years old. My parents knew I struggled with school but an IQ test put me in a high range, I was then branded lazy and uninterested in school.

Tony Attwood mentioned ASD behaviour in parents of ASD kids. The term used was 'The apple doesn't fall far from the tree'.
Do your parents show any symptoms?

Lots of aspies don't outwardly show too much, it truly is the way we think that is different to neuro typicals.

I'd be noting down things that apply to you from the net, only you know how you think and feel about things.

If you provide enough details your parents will at least look into how you feel about ASD and I'm sure take your fears and thoughts onboard.

Hope your talk goes well.


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Your Aspie score: 169 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 42 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


Last edited by BrokenBill on 11 Jan 2013, 9:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

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11 Jan 2013, 9:39 am

I agree with the person who said don't make a big deal of it and tell them you want to sit down and talk about something, etc. That is a very bad idea as it introduces additional stress into the situation for both of you. I also suggest not going about it in an inflexible way or insisting that you know you have it, no matter how certain you are (many parents aren't going to respond very well to this attitude because they don't feel teenagers are well enough equipped to self-diagnose and they want feedback from a professional before they commit to the idea).

I suggest finding an online resource you think describes the condition well as it relates to you, and printing it out (go through some different sites until you find an article you think fits well with you and your parents - different people respond well to different kinds of things, such as a very informational and scientific description vs a simple one or one written with friendliness and humour). You could also highlight the parts of it that you think are most relevant to you. Then, during a time when you are already talking with your parents, such as over dinner, casually ask them if they have heard of asperger's syndrome. You could say, "I was reading about this and it seems to describe the difficulties I have very well. I thought it might be helpful for me to see a professional who is knowledgeable about it and see what they think. Here, I have some information for you to look at. As you can see, this really sounds like me."

This is a very open approach which invites honesty and support instead of defensiveness or denial. Answer their questions honestly and make sure they understand it's not something which dooms you to a life of isolation and failure (you can point out that many AS people have very successful careers and family lives). It may also be helpful to point out that if you do have AS, it is best to have as early a diagnosis as possible, and that it would entitle you to educational support that you would find helpful. Considering your description of your parents, you will probably find that you are able to have a good conversation with them about it.

You will find their support important through the diagnostic process as the input of your parents (or someone else who knew you well in childhood, but ideally parents) is required by most diagnosticians as part of the process. Unless there is a good reason for it, you shouldn't try to do it alone.

Good luck!



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11 Jan 2013, 10:05 am

Well, I'm 30 and I recently discussed this with my mother. First she went into complete denial and said I was just believing lies and having bad ideas planted in my head. When I further explained I'm not 'diseased' and don't want to be cured since I'm low on the spectrum she lightened up a little but still would not accept it. Only last week she finally admitted that yes, I have very, very mild Aspergers (probably looked it up online and could not deny it since I'm a textbook Aspie) but warns me all the time not to tell anyone, including my own father.

This reaction was not at all a surprise. Anything that she believes will lead her to see herself as a 'failed' mother she will deny. Maybe you might have better luck but I knew exactly how my mother would react. As loving and caring as she is, she simply will never accept my issues and that I couldn't help being socially slow and having food sensitivities.



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29 Jan 2014, 8:09 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
Well, I'm 30 and I recently discussed this with my mother. First she went into complete denial and said I was just believing lies and having bad ideas planted in my head. When I further explained I'm not 'diseased' and don't want to be cured since I'm low on the spectrum she lightened up a little but still would not accept it. Only last week she finally admitted that yes, I have very, very mild Aspergers (probably looked it up online and could not deny it since I'm a textbook Aspie) but warns me all the time not to tell anyone, including my own father.

This reaction was not at all a surprise. Anything that she believes will lead her to see herself as a 'failed' mother she will deny. Maybe you might have better luck but I knew exactly how my mother would react. As loving and caring as she is, she simply will never accept my issues and that I couldn't help being socially slow and having food sensitivities.


Just curious, why is it you believe you have mild mild aspergers? What is it that defines mild mild?
I wanna know if I'm mild mild too, or just mild, or just aspie (based on your criteria)