Becoming Evil

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Hi there,

I am in my thirties now, never had a girlfriend, the one i loved has now a different boyfriend and told me that I am a freak some years ago, which stills hurts me. I am quite social anyway... could have had some girlfriends if I wanted.... but often didn't like them, they were not the right one to live a life. I am unemployed too since 2 years, had the last 3 years most of the time depressions. Had most of the time depressions the last 15 years. In my last job I worked for a narcissistic a**hole, who also cost me the little remaining nerves I had.

Formerly, when I met some new girls I didn't know before, and I realized they are not that kind of extra-cute sweetie which I would like to be with in my life, then I didn't flirt much around, even didn't try. I think this changed for two reasons:

1.) I don't have that much experience with flirting, and consider it as a sort of practice, which might be helpful just in case I sometime meet someone perfect for me.
2.) I sometimes don't care now any more for the emotions of others. I feel too much hurt myself. I cared too much formerly, now sometimes I feel like a psychopath. I flirt with woman and also wouldn't mind pretending to have any feelings for them, disregarding their feelings, in order to get more experience or just for feeling better somehow maybe... don't know. So far I just kissed someone I really didn't like. But who knows how this will turn out...

Well, don't know how to put it, but one fore sure: I have undergone some sort of de-sensitivation. Anyone else there knowing what I am talking about and actually turned by hurt from a very sensitive guy into some sort asshole-psychopath?

thanks,

Dave

Perhaps you are feeling hurt and just need to work though a few issues.

I don't think you can become a psychopath if you are not one.

I had a patch recently where I was hurt by some nasty people on a different site bullying me (it was not just me they bullied others as well) and for a while I felt like I wanted to hurt them too. However I tend to dislike harming living critters and deep down inside I didn't really want to hurt them at all. I was just angry and upset and needed to get what had happened out of my system.

It is going away now.

It isn't "turning into a psychopath", really. It's a reaction to trauma. Sometimes when people are hurt, and they dwell on anger and pain, they become more and more angry until that anger takes over.

But they don't become psychopaths--they don't become cold and emotionless. It is a very unpleasant state to be in, as far as I can tell, to be so taken over by anger.

Whether to call that "evil"--I would say, yes, that is how people become evil--everyday, sane people can do horrible things, if we spend long enough giving in to the impulses that drive us to do things that hurt people and make the world worse. Giving in like that means that you would gain the potential to hurt people who do not deserve to be hurt. And unlike a psychopath, you would continue to feel pain yourself. You don't want to become that sort of person, or you wouldn't be posting here. And if you did become someone like that, it would probably take a long time and a lot of regret to find your way back.

You are aware that this is starting to happen, and that gives you an advantage. You need to deliberately fight it. Find things to do that help others, and do not expect a reward. Do things that will help others, even when you do not feel as though those people matter. If you find you are stewing about things people have done to you, distract yourself. Do something else. Think about something else. I'm not talking about being a doormat here; you don't have to let them keep hurting you. But let the anger fade away. It is in the past; let it go. Anger hurts--you don't have to give in to it if you don't want to. It really comes down to the decisions you make.

If you are really having trouble with this, with dealing with anger and pain left over from mistreatment, find a counselor. You can say, "What they did to me was wrong. I am angry. They had no right to do that." But getting stuck on being angry, instead of going on with your life, will just hurt you and turn you into someone who is a lot like the people who hurt you. Learn to let horrible people be horrible, to protect yourself and others rather than plotting on revenge and keeping a grudge.

I also went through a rough patch roughly 7 years, this time in 2007 ago when I was hurt by someone on the Internet. I made the mistake of not getting someone to help me work through it. I felt angry towards that person and mainstream society. My whole appearance and personality changed for the worse. I did keep all of my favourite things, because I had a lot of hope that my rough patch would come to an end. I prayed to God and repented to him one night in the September 2009 and I forgave all the people who have hurt me. I also prayed that he would accept me as I really am and that the people in my life would be able to do that. I think he reached everyone except for my mum that night. I had to help her along the way, three years later in the September of 2012. My rough patch ended in 2009 and I showed my mum that she needed to grow with me and accept me as I am in 2012. I've also done something that I thought was silly in years prior to 2009. I've chose the perfect role model for myself.

It sounds more like you're a misogynist. Since you see women as the enemy you become willing to treat them that way, using them to get what you feel you deserve. A psychopath is not just a jerk, he's someone who's view of reality is irreparably damaged. That's not you.

Yes, and it is the worst thing I have ever done in my life. I regret it everyday even though I changed my behavior several years ago. There is a trade off when you lower you moral standards. You may have a relationship, but it won't be a happy one. You will be miserable in the relationship and you will hate yourself afterwards if you mislead the lady. You seem to value honesty, kindness, and being considerate. For your own emotional well-being, please do not abandon those values.