aware of symptoms: i wasn't until recently

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i thought i was completely aware of my autistic symptoms when actually i really wasn't.

i used to think that OTHER people had an issue, not me, i didnt think i was doing anything wrong when trying to talk to people.

i didn't know i wasn't making eye contact until i was 13 (that i always knew) and i didnt even know that was a rule until my dad told me.

but, i thought i was completely aware of the fact of my lack of social skills until i really went into my memory and talked to my dad and realised: i had no idea i was doing something wrong, or wasn't doing anything at all.

in fact, im not very aware of my actions, behaviour, or voice at all, i just think i am in my head.

does anyone else do this?

My parents pointed most of that stuff out to me when I was still pretty young. We went to church all the time and my family was very active there socially, so they made sure I knew how I was supposed to handle myself in public - I learned to fake the basic nuerotypical behaviors at least to a minimal level. I mean, I was never outgoing, but when someone offered to shake my hand, I knew I was supposed to grip theirs firmly and look them in the eye and say "Nice to meet you" even though it wasn't nice for me at all, because it made me feel weird as hell.

I was never good at it, or comfortable doing it, so as a result, there's a lot of anxiety connected with social behaviors. Just because I know what's expected doesn't necessarily mean I will remember to do it at the right moment and it's always awkward and self conscious, even when I do.

I still believe, however it's the other people who have the problem, not me. They shouldn't expect everybody to do all that ridiculous stuff in the first place.

When I was your age, I lacked self awareness. I did not understand how others perceived me. I took the things I "did wrong" pointed out to me as character attacks. I think a good part of that has as much to do with adolescence as it does with aspergers. You're still young enough that you're still in a life training phase aspergers or not. You still have a lot to learn about yourself.

Its good that you are aware of this about yourself. I had/have the same issue even today. I would suggest you ask your parents to find you a therapist that can give you some cognitive therapy. Essentially those sessions make you aware of the social minutiae and 'unspoken' rules, body language cues and voice tone cues that you may not even be aware you were missing.

The eye contact is a good example. I too at first (as a kid) avoided eye contact until I was taught (by my parents as well) that it was impolite. Ever since then I kept eye contact (30+ years!)... but it turns out, there is an 'unspoken' rule that you must break that eye contact every now and then otherwise you give off the wrong signal (think the 'Dexter' stare..the TV show) to others which makes them very uncomfortable. I only learned that little nugget of wisdom (and so many others!) last year...from a cognitive therapist. To say I was blown out of my mind is an understatement.

Stuff like this I wish I had been taught at your age. I hope you get to learn it & it helps you in life

I used to think that as well through kindergarten and elementary school.


Same here.
My mother used to tell me "look me in the eyes" when I was a child but I haven't really thought anything was weird about not making eye contact.
I only knew it was "weird" when I was diagnosed with AS at 13.