Worried about myself

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I feel silly about posting this, especially on here, but I am worrying (is that the right word?).

I am currently working part time in a school which has this little autistic boy in, the woman that works with him also has a son diagnosed with aspergers, she’s also worked with a range of children/teenagers with some form of autism.

She actually was talking about some things her son does, for example, eating foods singly and disliking eating more than one type of food together. While she was talking I commented how I did similar things and she just turned round and said ‘oh, that must be your autism coming out’. Ok, I shouldn’t worry because she is like that, she is positive everybody has some form of autism but she is really good at spotting the signs (we have two other children that they suspect has some type of autism and another with a very mild form of it [so mild that the child psychologist didn’t want to label him]).

It has been playing on my mind since then really. What if I had some form of autism? Is it even possible to go to the age of 17/18 without it being noticed?

My childhood was fairly normal I think, I have gently brought up questions to my parents (avoiding mentioning my worries completely), I started talking at a normal rate and so on. The only real annoyance/thing that stood out about my childhood [according to my mother] is that I would continuously walk on my toes, she claims that my sisters never did it after the age of three and I was at least five before I stopped (although I still do it every so often).

I used to cry and scream a lot when I was under the age of three (although I don’t know if that has any meaning behind it).

I asked my mother if my obsessions into things were around when I was younger as well because I’ve noticed how I will become obsessed with something and find out everything I can do about it. The only thing my mother really said was how I used to continuously play with my ‘imaginary friend’ (which actually scared her to begin with, it was Noddy, although I hadn’t seen Noddy before I started ‘playing’ with him). She also mentioned how I would watch the same thing over and over again before moving onto something else.

I have always had trouble making friends really, I’ve noticed a lot lately how much I struggle to maintain eye-contact (I tend to focus on people’s mouths when they talk). I have trouble identifying emotions, both within myself and in other people (obviously I know the general, frown = sad, smile = happy and a few other things like certain eyebrow movements = confusion but it is limited).

I think I’ve always been withdrawn in company of strangers/people I’m not really close with but that could have just escalated as I’ve gotten older. I often just feel awkward when I have to talk to people, I tend to come across cold and harsh.

I don’t really think I’ve had much of a problem in school, I’m neither smart (although I ‘do well’ apparently) nor non-smart, I am actually planning on attending university and have been accepted by all of them so far.
Routine, well I’m not sure if what I do is classed as a routine. I like to plan my day out, normally before I go to sleep I will review and process everything that happened during the day and then plan out the next day. I have noticed lately how I react when my plan changes, for example, we have to change rooms in college. I tend to withdraw and slightly panic, however I am normally able to continue through the day (although my mood, concentration and motivation will be hit rather badly).

There have been times where I will have an anxiety attack due to the change, although that is more now than before.

Oh, something else that was mentioned by my mother (and that I’ve noticed as of late) is that when I get upset/worried, I often start to rock and mumble to myself.

That was actually a relief to get out, do you guys think that I possibly have some form of autism? Would it be worth going to my GP? Could I go to my GP and possibly further along without my mother being involved? (we don’t really get along and I would rather have all of this kept quiet for now, especially if it is just me worrying).

You do have a lot of the classic symptoms, but I would consider you a more likely candidate for high-functioning aspergers than straight ASD. Still, I've never met you in real life and I'm not a trained professional, so take that with as big a grain of salt as you see fit.

That said, it ultimately is up to you whether it truly matters if you have autism or not. You're still you, regardless of a professional or unprofessional diagnosis, and no label applied to yourself will change that. If you feel it would help you in some way to get properly diagnosed, go ahead and do that. If not, don't. Simple as that.

Even if you have autism, that doesn't change who you are or who you've always been. Continue to be that person, and do your best not to worry about what others may think or label you with.

Hi, welcome to the forum. Don't feel silly about posting, your worries are perfectly reasonable.

It is possible for high functioning autism/aspergers to go undetected until adulthood. You do appear to have symptoms of it.

However, I would not recommend going to your GP straight away. GP's are usually very sceptical of people claiming to have ASDs, especially women, and you would very likely by dismissed if you are a person who does not appear to be a stereotypical aspie. I am just warning you, as I do not want you to be disappointed by the response.

If you are worried you might have an ASD, the better option would be to learn more about it and chat to people who have it. As an adult with a possible ASD you will probably get a lot more support from people on this forum than from the medical community to be perfectly honest. Everyone is welcome here including the unsure/undiagnosed, and there are a real mixed bag of people on here (most of them very helpful and friendly).

I was diagnosed with a high probability of Asperger's Disorder at the age of 35. Until that point there had been some difficulties, but nothing that would have sent me looking for a neurological disorder as the root problem. Granted I am from a generation where things like this were not even considered during school years unless you were completely non-functional.

Would it cause you more worry, or less worry, if your self-diagnosis were to be confirmed by a professional specializing in autism?

You seem to be able to function well enough to "do well" in school, and have a responsible job. How are things with your co-workers? Get along with them OK?

Socialization can be "learned" by many with AS. It's not natural to us. But many can "learn" how to behave in social settings, well enough to avoid major conflicts in the work place, and even enjoy small social gatherings, especially those with familiar people and in comfortable surroundings. We still have problems in the communication area, and have to be aware of when we're going on and on repetitively, monopolizing conversations, trying to turn uninteresting ones around into subjects that interest us, and interrupting others and not waiting for "our turn" to speak. You're still at an age when social awkwardness is natural for someone on the spectrum, and believe it or not, for many NT teens. For some of us, it gets better as we get older. Others are bothered by it all their lives.

Also, there's nothing wrong with having an intense special interest, and gathering all the information about it as possible----until you try to force that interest on other people, or until it interferes with your livelihood.

If you're in the US, at age 18, you're at the age of majority in most states, and are considered an adult. You then have the right to seek medical care and consent to treatment without involving a parent or legal guardian. You don't have to involve your mother in any diagnosis or therapy, unless you and your therapist agree that it may be beneficial

Also, what others are skipping over, some people have autistic traits, but not enough for diagnosis, or not impairing enough for diagnosis. So, whether you have diagnoseable autism or not, you can definitely share traits with us.

Your description sounds similar to my daughter, especially the crying alot and imaginary friend.

I'm pretty new here myself, but let me extend a welcome to you!

I don't know the specifics for the UK, but in the US Asperger Syndrome (High Functioning Autism) wasn't even added to the Diagnostic Manual until 1994, so anyone who went through the public school system before then had no way of knowing there was such a thing, much less whether they had it. You'll find a great many members here at WP who didn't discover what their handicaps were called until their 30s, 40s or later.

I was already in my 20s the first time I ever heard the word "Autism," in a News Magazine on television. That was in 1982 and I recognized right away that I had something in common with the severely autistic kids they were filming in that program, but I was so much closer to 'normal' than they were, I had no idea what the connection was until twenty years later, when someone close to me emailed me a link to a webarticle on AS and said "Read This, It Sounds Like You." If not for the Internet, I might still not know.

I think if you are unsure, you might want to find out so that you can get this question out of your misery. I had this happened to me towards the end of 2009. I was heavily debating whether I have it or not. However, I did not want to know because I felt that might impact my career. That said, push came to shove, as I found out my diagnosis anyway in summer 2010 when I was forced to, as I would not have been able to continue my career for not knowing what has been plaguing me in my internships.

its amazing how obvious autism can be and not get diagnosed until later

i was diagnosed at 15, and my symptoms are obvious and were covered up by my parents.

here are my key 'flags' i had that went completely unnoticed:

poor verbal skills

stacking behaviour at the age of 2

repetative behaviours and Echolalia (need for schedual, playing the same 'game' over and over again, repeating sentences and phrases"

poor social skills and lack of want for friends at a young age,

sensory issues of sound, texture an sight, (airplanes, bright lights outside, cars, clothing and food avoidance)

poor coronation and balance

poor understanding of things.

meltdowns

so, yes, Autism can go completely undetected for years, some members here have very classic aspegers and HFA and are only getting diagnosed at 40 or 50.

Do you think that being autistic is causing you a lot of problems in your life? Would you like to receive treatment or disability accommodations? If so, maybe you should pursue a formal diagnosis because you can't get help without a formal diagnosis. If you suspect that you might be on the spectrum but it isn't causing you significant problems, then it is less important to get a diagnosis right away. That's my opinion. I don't know if you are on the spectrum or not. I'm not qualified to diagnose.

Also, could the lady who works with autistic kids help you get a diagnosis? Is it possible that she knows who to talk to get a formal diagnosis?

My history, living in the US, is that I first heard about autism when I was 20. I self-diagnosed. I live in an area where not that many people know about AS, so none of the psychologists I went to diagnosed me as being on the spectrum. I didn't get diagnosed until I was 27. This was an informal diagnosis from my current therapist who is familiar with AS, so I trust his diagnosis. My experience is that it is very possible for it to go unnoticed, especially if you are able to compensate for your AS symptoms.

You remind me of me. I have Asperger Syndrome.

Some parts sound resoundingly like myself.

I'd get checked if I were you. If you are 18 (not sure on your country) then you can most likely 'go along' with your GP without your mother being involved.

Made it to 32 before being diagnosed, too late now to discuss this with my parents.
A relative of mine got to 58 before his problems were identified as ASD. There were undiagnosed Aspies in my family that made it as far as their 80s.

I cannot thank you all enough for what you've said. You did help calm my worries. I spoke to the woman that I work with about what steps could be taken for an 'adult' that suspects they are on the spectrum... she guessed right away that I was asking about me (which is frustrating. Am I really that see through?).
She did say what I already knew, go to my GP and then I would probably be referred. Although she did say that my 'anxiety' and 'depression' could just be part of my possible aspergers. Which I didn't know/think about. Sure, I disagree about the term 'social anxiety' that was attached to me.
I was actually reading different posts here and it is mind boggling how alike I seem to be to a lot of you.
I think if I try and go for a diagnosis, it won't be until after September (when I've headed off to university). I might just start to create a case for myself (maybe case is the wrong word).

Finding out there are other people like yourself, and that there might be an explanation for things that have been a painful mystery is an incredibly powerful and positive feeling.