Reasons TO help are reasons NOT to help?

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Sea Gull
Sea Gull

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Joined: 11 Aug 2011
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 236
Location: Bellingham, WA, USA, Earth

13 Feb 2014, 7:38 pm

I've made long lists of the challenges I face in life that may be different than the norm, and I present them to people who I hope can help me in some way. Many people tend to say they don't know what to do, and then there are others who keep important things to themselves about why they don't want to help.
I think I've hit on one possible reason that they won't say, but could be a big one. They think the same reasons I think they should be able to help me are the reasons they can't help! It's so confusing! Does anyone have any experience dealing with this? I think it's some kind of communication, phrasing issue.
It seems like professionals want things to be stated in such specific ways, and if you don't know those specific ways, they won't help even if they can.

I am just bringing this up because I was talking to someone today and she suggested that I was trying to talk her out of helping me! How absurd! I wonder if this is very common, and how to possibly reverse the effect, or avoid doing it altogether. Maybe it's not possible to avoid and it is simply how my mind processes things.

This just makes me even more sure that I should not be trying to advocate for myself, that someone else should be doing the talking.

Still alive...


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Joined: 21 Jun 2013
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Posts: 3,087

13 Feb 2014, 8:37 pm

I'm not really sure what you're saying. But I think a partial answer is that many people, encountering someone who does not fit expected patterns, decide to create order by applying their expectations even though they may not quite fit. Which can be very confusing, very upsetting, when one is being misunderstood. It does take time for them to see who you are if you are not acting as they expect. Many people can, some can't.

If someone like a professional suggested I might be trying to talk them out of helping me I think I might just be honest how I feel and say something like "no, I'm trying to find out whether you think you can help me, I don't know and it's making me anxious".

They might just be confused by the way you process and are questioning whether you are being intentionally confusing. Unfortunately, it will take time for them to get to know and understand you if you don't process in a typical way. I think you have to advocate for yourself anyway, though.


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Joined: 8 Jul 2012
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13 Feb 2014, 8:58 pm

You know, as much as I would like to ask others for help, I do want to prove my competence in helping myself first. Only when the weight is too heavy for me to handle do I have to ask someone for help.

The challenge I went through yesterday was a spiritual and mental one. My mind was definitely playing tricks on me, and I knew what my mind was telling me were assumptions and simply not true. Now what happens if I ask the wrong person for advice? I end up further down that hole and that person has more control over me than they should have. So I took the spiritual path of course and went to a church group. Glad I did because I wasn't going to talk to anyone else until I did that.

With that being said, you sure you want someone to be your advocate?

Your Aspie score: 130 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 88 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie