Lacking Common Sense

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My mother and my sister have told me from time to time that I "lack common sense". I don't really understand what they mean when they say this, and every time I ask them, they start trying to think of examples, then get distracted and the matter is dropped. Has anyone ever told you you lack common sense? What traits or behaviours were they talking about? I tried googling what "common sense" referred to, but the defiinition is too vague and imprecise to be of much use.

When people act that way toward me, it seems to be the same as saying I am clueless. So, missing something about how the world works or what would make sense to do. Can also refer to attention problems, executive functioning problems.

When told about common sense, it was about reading between the lines, knowing social cues and what is the right thing to say, knowing what someone means when they say something even though they didn't say it in those words. My office clerk at my old job used to tell me all the time it was common sense and to use it and he is too busy to spoonful words to our mouths and he can't show me every time to do something or tell me where something us. It was common sense to know where things were moved to after they would decide to re arrange the room and stuff and then I was expected to find an item I needed. How do people know where things are kept when others keep moving it?

I was told this a lot as a kid by my family. I still have no idea what they were talking about. All I know is that it made me stark-raving mad. It seemed they used it as an excuse not to let me do things I really wanted to do, that they were trying to stifle my growth and control me. From what I can remember, I had little grasp on cause-and-effect as it related to social interactions and family life, relative to my age. In retrospect, and as a parent with a kid on the spectrum, I tend to think that maybe they had a point. Although I can't remember exactly what I did but I do remember I was always in trouble for something. I remember kept being told that no matter how many times I was told to do something I would do the exact opposite, and I could really not understand why they would hold something against me that I did the day before, a few days ago, last week (and probably many, many times before that) when clearly I didn't mean to do it, or at least didn't understand why it was such a big deal. I know that I was told that for a smart girl I kept doing stupid things. For a long time I just couldn't attach my behavior to the consequences that were imposed. I didn't understand how other people seemed to move so effortlessly through life and know how to play by rules that seemed to me to be so arbitrary. Being older now, I have a much better sense of what common sense is, simply because I have a much larger database to pull from. But lack of common sense is, for example, when I was 15 and believed my conservative religious mother would let me be in porno movies because someone else thought I could be very successful at it. Right now, as a mother, I can see how totally not OK that is, but it took me an extra 25 years to figure that out!

It also took me until within the past 5 years to realize that Boy George was really gay all along, which people kept telling me but I didn't believe it because he said in interviews that he was asexual.

Common sence is purley derived from commoners. Simpletons who can generalise, and have commonalities. To play a fools game that you do not understand (wich is what it sounds lik to me), and say you have no common sence is just what it is. A fools game.

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Last edited by Willard on 17 Feb 2014, 3:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I roll my eyes when I hear reference to "common sense". Here is how I interpret it when I hear it used:

The word "common" in the phrase means that knowledge or a way of thinking is commonplace. That suggests the question: Common in what place, and among what group of people? My experience has been that the answer usually is: whatever is most familiar to the person speaking.

Well, the world is a very big place with many people from different cultures and many different ways of thinking. When an NT uses the phrase common sense, I assume they mean commonplace within an NT way of thinking.

So I am not shamed when an NT tells me I should know or do something because to them it is "common sense". (But I do mentally register an impression of their ignorance in saying such a thing. )

I would be too afraid to even try it. I would need to learn t skateboard and work my way up until I am less afraid and can control myself better on a skateboard and keep my balance.

LOL Seven! I also don't like the term. In philosophy one cannot get away with such vagueness.
I am at times told that I lack common sense and I simply argue (debate) the issue until it is clarified. Interestingly, ever since I started doing that people are less willing to accuse me of it. I think common sense has to do with the values and practices common to a culture. People have certain rules and beliefs that they tend to follow as a culture. Following them is common sense, breaking them is considered lacking common sense. It also has something to do with behaviour typical of NTs. That is also considered common sense. Pretty much any unwritten rule most people subscribe to. Not understanding it and not acting according to it would also be considered lacking common sense.
I would simply ask for specifics whenever people say that.

That's how I interpret it too. I have a big problem with this - for me common sense means, like Willard said, seeing likely consequences of actions you are about to take. An example is that for a while I kept ruining computers by dropping them in water, putting them on the floor (my cat landed on one when he jumped down from a shelf). I had to stop and think about why this kept happening - that I just wasn't being careful. The sad thing is, once you stop and think about it, the extra effort is hardly anything, but you can save yourself a ton of grief.

Some things never occur to me though until I have repeated problems and my attention is drawn to the problems.

Love the new avatar, Willard!

Far as i know common sense means not doing something you should know is stupid.
Like I have enough common sense not to post my full name and or street address to an internet forum.
I have enough common sense not to post messages to a forum i know would get me frozen or banned.

Some people do not have as much common sense in some area as others think they should.
Everyone makes mistakes and does dumb things they later regret.

You're smart for a 13 year old because most teens actually post that personal information online. That is why parents and schools should teach internet safety. I was in my twenties when I learned I didn't have to put down my real name when I sign up on websites and stuff including email. So now I use fake names. I was not pleased when youtube was asking you to put in your real name so I finally put in a fake name and now the issue is over.

What do you mean by frozen?

I see people who complain about you not having common sense as lacking empathy. They seem to think that just because they know something that everyone knows it. They don't realize that the person that doesn't have "common sense" may not have had the same experiences as them and may not know the things that they think everyone knows.

My common sense in that area was taught to me then.
Did not think about it that way. was given a lot of education of what not to do.
Frozen means suspended, a temporary ban.

Likewise, let's say you go into a bathroom to take a shower. You find that the door is jammed. Do you:

A) Break through the door or
B) Wait a few minutes for the steam and heat to dissipate, then ease the door open gradually.

About a week ago an NT Olympian athlete chose the former and then publicized his stupidity on the internet--so I think anyone can suffer from lack of common sense.

But yeah, I've been told that I sometimes lack it. i'll do something and not realize the consequences of my actions.

Common sense is "reasonably judge things".

I think it's related to engaging in dangerous activities.