Just How Unusual am I?

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Hey everyone Aspertastic here..

Sometimes I feel I am in kind of a limbo world between being an NT and a genuine bonafide Aspie. I sometimes feel a bit out of place on this forum, especially in the social skills section. The topics are all real and valid, but sometimes they seem a bit narrow and highly particulary... anyway let me share my situation.

I am a 1L Law student at a local Law school. While not Law review material, I have managed to hold my own with the academics, partly with the help of my father, an established attorney in town. I have always struggled making friends compared to "NTs" as it were, and it made me feel quite lonely and sad, and large self- esteem blow.

But I never didn't want to, and always felt I was emotionally attuned and everything, but just could not find the right " group" that really liked me and I liked them and shared my interests. It was frustrating also, because a lot of the aspie groups I went to, just consited of people who were really into anime and video games and not a ton else. I just wanted people I really liked being around which is basically what friends are.

I am pretty well liked at the law school, and regularly have friendly conversations with my classmates and go to bar reviews and happy hours at bars with them ( on weekends of course.)

Just how unusual am I in my current life situation?

I also find I like to "forget" about the world of asd and autism and just focus on other topcis that genuinely interest me. Sometimes I do feel so sad and discouraged even reading things like WP or books on autism, because it reminds me that I technically am "defective" and have comparably speaking had a much tougher time with life in general than the average human being. Reading it almost feels like however successful I have been at overcoming some challenges, I remain tethered to them all the same.

Also, I dislike being referred to as an "asspie" and dislike the "NT" "Aspie" disctintion as if we are two seperate species. I myself find much overlap and partly I just dislike identity politics. I would much rather be referred to and considered a human being with my own ideas and idiosyncrasies, same as anyone else ( though with a specific difference/disability whatever..)

For the record I believe I am rare as an aspergers law student. I think its a virtually all "NT" environment and only one person do I even suspect has an actual diagnosis.

Can anyone identify or agree with me or comment on my thoughts?

I don't think you're all that unusual, Aspertastic. While I myself might be considered a more 'traditional' high-functioning autistic than you in some aspects (in terms of how I socialize or rather DON'T socialize, in terms of stereotypical interests), but there are times when I feel a bit like a fish out of water either here on Wrong Planet, or at real-life autistic meet-ups of the kind that you yourself attended. Some of this is tied to my 'mildness' and the expectations I have of myself about getting on in the world, some of it has to do with other stuff.

I also don't keep up with literature and magazine/on-line publications on autism all that much; most of my knowledge (such as it is) I glean from other WP members through a kind of 'osmosis'. When I'm offline, I generally don't submerge myself in the subject of autism, except for the odd news article here and there. Contrary to your own experience, however, reading about autism or watching a broadcast on autism doesn't serve to remind me of my own shortcomings as an autistic, instead it usually reminds me of how far I've come personally, how many challenges I've overcome, and how relatively blessed I am in terms of both the severity of my autism as well as the circumstances under which I received guidance. So, usually, it makes me feel lucky that I caught so many good breaks in my life.

I am not crazy about the binary distinction Aspie/NT that's so popular here and on other autistic communities, and I try to avoid th term NT as much as possible. But this sometimes brings me into conflict with other members- though usually we can settle it in a civil manner.

When it comes to seeking company for social interaction, I must say I tend to gravitate toward the quieter types... not necessarily autistic or B.A.P., but usually the eccentric people, the social outcasts, the artsy and sciency people who walk their own path.

Hope that helps a little!

love your screen name. former doctor here with Asperger's. there was another fellow probably on the spectrum in my med school class. he's a prominent professor now.

I -really- identify with this part.

I've literally used the same wording - to 'forget' my autism. Forget I even have it. Not literally forget, but just not think about it at all or have it cross my mind.

I go through periods of not browsing this website at all. In fact, I can't remember the last time I posted before today, but it was a long time ago. Probably summer 2013, and even then not very many posts, if any at all.

Another thing for me is that I strongly dislike labels. I have HFA, but I act like no other HFA person or AS person I know. I don't feel like I'm defective or anything like that - just different. I'm able to function perfectly fine in society - not like the other people, but in my own way that works and lets me lead my nice little eccentric life, having plenty of friends and acquaintances, a significant other for over a year now, success with work, etc.

It's not without its difficulties but for real, I see no reason to view autism as "being broken". Autism is literally nothing but a label. We have no definite cause for it. No two autistic people are alike. All autism really is, is a different way of functioning, by nature. With some people (myself included) this creates difficulties operating in normal society, and interacting with other humans. Some are really severely affected, and pretty deeply disabled.

However, the high functioning people like you and I have to basically live our lives as if we don't have a disability. Nobody is going to really view it as a disability - despite the difficulties we face - so you may as well treat it like a different way of operating and try to make it work to your advantage, and not let yourself get hung up on the whole 'label' of it or the 'disability' aspect of it. This way of thinking can be applied to many other disabilities, conditions, and ways of thinking and living in general.

^^^ I don't constantly dwell on my autism, but it's constantly brought to my attention from other people's reactions and puzzlement about me. I do dwell on how to prevent misunderstandings and misconceptions where I can.

I use the aspie/nt binary myself, because the general public feels so foreign to me sometimes. I just don't "get" people intuitively most of the time, and it translates in my head as flat/missing that third dimension. I'm not about creating divisions, but acknowledging the divide I still experience.

Hi Aspertastic,

Totally agree with you here. Although my social skills are nothing compared to yours (they used to be better, but after studying overseas, worsened), I feel and think a lot like an NT. But I function as an Aspie and people don't take to me, no matter how nice I try to be. After a 2-year hiatus from WP, I returned. Certainly I don't identify as an Aspie. I like to think of myself as a socially-awkward introvert, and most of my friends are introverted nerds.

Anyway, glad to see a non-identifier here. You must be pretty good to get into law school

Thanks Guys, you do flatter me!

I just like viewing myself as a person, and I guess it is right to view autism as a very broad spectrum with tons of overlaps and individual idiosyncricies.

Sometimes I wonder though... I always keep wondering.. If I was born in the 50s and 60s ( when asd wasnt diagnosed) would I have been able to be the way I am now, and just picked up skills because the tougher environment would have forced me to? Would I have folded and become a shut in that lived with my mother? It is such a mind warp sometimes..

just a side note sorry..

No way to tell. Most likely you are an Aspie who has acquired, through imitation and trial and error (mostly error), skills to fit it. Those skills are necessary and helpful. But they don't change your identity. Often an Aspie with adequate social skills can be confused concerning his identity, which is normal.

I think it's helpful, therefore, to distinguish between your identity and your behavior. You are an Aspie. Your behavior, however, is malleable. If you keep this distinction in mind you may have a cleared self-conception and be able to take care of your own needs better. For example, you may decide to spend social time with your fellow law students because it's important to make connections. But then you make certain that you have plenty of down time at home with the room darkened and so forth.

I hope my post can offer you some help.

When I was a little girl I read a story called "The man Without a Country." That is how I felt at the time. In my late teens I started to develop some social skills [ a rather humorous yet pathetic process which I can share when in a better mood] I actually had brief periods when I thought I might have outgrown my extreme strangeness. Most people perceived me as sweet, perky, and odd but in a nice quircky way.

Then, seven and a half years ago, my son became seriously ill. And more ill. And other stuff happened. And my son continued to get sicker. And I knew that I was breaking down crying sometimes, but I thought people understood. I came clean about being autistic with my "oh so wonderful NT friends" only weeks before I was diagnosed with breast cancer. What happened after that is pretty terrible. I was one of the minority of autistics who had never considered ending my life, even during a childhood that resembled the ninth hell in Dantes Inferno. Let's just say that is no longer the case.

Before a year and a half ago, I also had a problem with the NT label. I was also an autistic who craved belonging to a group[ generally that means NT] Before a year and a half ago, I did not believe in the existence of pure evil. I do now. I NEED to see NTs'and autistics as almost a seperate species.

I guess what I am saying is that I used to feel much like you do, but in order to save my own life I had to start looking at things differently. I feel soul raped. I WAS soul raped.

everyone is unusual and unique in their own way,therefor everyone meets criteria of being the norm/normal,so we are all just a different kind of normal.

a online friend of mine has downs syndrome and she attends a UK university doing a media degree so am able to see how an aspie [aspergan autist,HF autist whatever is prefered] can be successful at law in university,law woud especialy seem like an autistic friendly subject given the need for truth,morals and honesty.

we arent all HFAs here, am severely autistic with intelectual disability and am medicaly classified as severely disabled but am not a supporter of the old fashioned pitying victim mentality medical model of disability,am a supporter of the social model of disability- http://www.daii.org/about/social_model_of_disability/

applying 'disability' to oneself shoudnt be an issue,its how its interpreted that matters.
disability isnt a tragedy,calling self disabled and never wanting to do anything because the stereotypes say it isnt possible is a tragedy.