Ever have another aspie shame you?

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My old aspie friends use to shame me all the time. I didn’t really notice at the time but looking back they did. I also recently met another aspie who is doing the same thing.

My guess would be that:

1. Some aspies/autists are in denial and try to act like they are NT.

2. They think they are higher-functioning and you are inferior.

Anybody else have similar stories?

Yes. I think both were true.

My theory is that they have a personality like everyone else, hence your second possible reason for their behaviour. XD

Not everyone that treats you badly is necessarily NT, nor acting as an NT. It is no more a default NT behaviour to shame others than it is a default behaviour for someone on the spectrum. I'd go so far to say that 'NT' is an illusion, as many individuals will try and act like others at times diagnosed or not. As for them being more high-functioning, well.. if they are treating you in such a shameful way then as a person they're certainly not more 'high-functioning' than you are.

I wrote this badly because I'm in a huge rush.

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Last edited by Willard on 17 Feb 2014, 3:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've experienced this, but I don't really take it personally. Aspies can be rigid in their mindsets, and I believe this rigidity was the main factor in it.

I saw that too. I think it is about having control over the social situation. If you manipulate people into behaving in some way (even if it is a bad way), you are in control of the situation, you are not passively suffering it or observing it, and it can be a relief for social anxiety. Apart that I consider it highly unethical, I would feel so guilty if I did such a thing that it would completely ruin the purpose, but if you have a more individualistic and violent world view I can understand you can come to that.

There is a person that has publicly made jokes at my expense. He is a close acquaintance (that's about as close to "friend" as I allow) and not that adept socially. It is likely he was just trying to be funny and didn't realize he crossed the line. (He is known for his faux pas.)

In retrospect I think there may be a place for him somewhere along the spectrum. If so, then I would find it easier to forgive his trespasses just because it would mean that, like me, he is kind of wired to make goofs like that. Heaven knows I have made my share.

My ex boyfriend was very negative and always had something negative to say about me or my family. He would tell his son everything like me taking something literal or seriously making it his business and telling him everything I did. I didn't know at the time but now I realize this was nasty and I think he had an agenda when he was doing this and it wasn't some social deficit. I don't know any other aspie who would do this. I've seen this sort of behavior in kids and teens.

I've had people on this site shame me for still living with my parents and not having a job. They think that just because they have Asperger's and are able to live independently and hold down a job, it means that every person with Asperger's should.

Aspies can be every bit as judgemental as NTs. I don't think I've been personally shamed by an aspie but I only know one other person diagnosed with ASD in real life.

I don't understand what you mean exactly. What are they trying to make you feel ashamed about? Also, how is an aspie shaming you different than somebody else shaming you?

Shame on me.... sounds normal. I have been known to say all kinds of things I should not, and stick my hands and stuff where it doesn't belong. Bend rules, break laws, poke at things, bash and tear things into little pieces, be late for dinner, because I fish all day. Do 160mph in a 55 because it was too exciting not to. Yep.... shame on me!! !! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! !! !! !! !! !!

I've had someone on this here tell me that I was lower functioning than he thought I was. That was the time that I was fixated on Routemasters. I've forgiven him, but it still hurts. At least I'm not hellbent against society anymore and I was able to go back to being my sweet original self again, though without the glasses I didn't need in the first place. Once again, I'm able to lay everything out in my avatars ranking and signature, saying this is me and this is what I'm like, it's okay for me to show that I'm vulnerable which is a human way of being. I forgave and did for myself what I needed to do and it's still working after 4 and a half years. I just don't make as many posts about my interests anymore.

All the time... People would tell me to "control myself" when I have meltdowns or to try harder when I'm non-verbal. Even the term 'high functioning' is a shame term.

I am in the exact same situation. I actually stopped my higher study for a year out of what I would call shame, to try and start work, but looking has not worked out so I have decided to back, now with an online course.

It is not easy for everyone to be independent, and the stress from feeling like I am being shamed for it is terrible.

went to school with asd kids and there were plenty who were jerks, stuck up and bullies.
high functioning kids would insult and ridicule low functioning.