Why do people do this?

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Why do people do things that are mean and rude, and then call you crazy for getting upset?

I don't even begin to understand it either. Some people are just really insensitive, and can't grasp the concept that other people have feelings, and that their behavior is hurtful.

They say you're the crazy one because "naturally" THEY didn't do anything wrong.

People sometimes don't consider the big picture, including how they're going to affect the other person.

Rule of thumb should be to ask yourself "How would I feel if someone did or said 'such-and-such' to me?" If you wouldn't like it, don't do it to them.

People often don't think like that, tho', I'm afraid.

There's more than one reason.

Some don't consider their actions to be mean and rude, and therefore do not understand why it upsets others.

Some refuse to accept responsibility for their actions by pretending that others' upset reactions are the problem.

Because they are sadistic bullies. They get off on their power over you, and then claim that they were "only joking" or "just having fun" in order to keep themselves out of trouble.

I've found only two ways to effectively deal with them:

1) Put a lot of distance between myself and the bullies, either by my departure or theirs. In the last 15 years, I've manage to get two people dismissed and five others to resign. I am not going to be the one who quits ... no ... not this time!

2) Fight back hard, so that they never consider you as a victim, or even a potential victim ever again. It hasn't come to this yet, and I hope that it doesn't, but if any bullies back me into a corner, I'm coming out fighting.

I got harassed while I was out shopping today, by a woman who wanted the item I was buying. She kept going on and on about how she wished she had bought it first, what she had wanted to do with it, how it would have matched something she had, etc.. At first it wasn't a big deal, but she just kept going on and on about it until it became really irritating and rude (it took forever to get checked out so there was lots of time for me to have to listen to this nonsense). She kept saying I could come sell it to her if I changed my mind (she runs the shop next door to that one). She even went so far as to tell me she was going to knock me down after I left and take it from me. I'm sure she meant that as a "joke", but it didn't feel that way, and it made me very uncomfortable.

Later I went back and told the woman I bought the item from that I didn't appreciate being harassed like that. I asked for my money back and said you should just sell the item to the other woman. Again it took forever for her to process the return so I had to just stand there and listen to all her sugarcoated, backhanded comments. Long story short, she kept saying wow, she couldn't believe I took it that way, and was insinuating that I was crazy. She said she wasn't going to "chastise" her neighbor (who I think is probably her landlord) but she admitted the woman could be overbearing.

I held my tongue as long as I could, because I wanted to make sure I got my money back, but my temper was building and finally I said, you might as well just close the doors and sell privately to your neighbor if you are going to show favoritism to her. She came around the counter then, got in my face and told me to leave or else she would call someone to escort me out. I didn't do anything to threaten her, other than express my opinion. As I was leaving she called out, "you're crazy! you're crazy!"

This reminds me of something else that happened, actually it reminds me of a lot of things that have happened, but most of all it reminds me of my ex who told people I was crazy after we broke up, which led other people to mistreat me too. I cannot understand why a person would deliberately hurt me, and then make matters worse by maligning me for being hurt.

What I really fear is the "going around telling other people I am crazy" part, I mean if one person thinks I am crazy, so be it. But they might tell other people, and spin the story in their favor to make it sound like they did nothing wrong and it's all me. That could have a huge impact on my life, for who knows how many years ahead, in ways I could never foresee or do anything about. I have lost friendships with people because someone else portrayed me as crazy. I know those friendships are not worth keeping anyway, but it is better to let it fade out on good terms rather than having such people gossiping about me.

I am really freaking out right now because the woman at that store knows where I live, and my full name, and she is a very social person so she could say god knows what about me to people all over the community.

I am starting to think "crazy" is just a code word for "easy target." It is how bullies signify to other bullies that this is a person you can have lots of fun torturing.

That sounds like a nightmare shopping experience. I don't understand why anyone would behave like that, and I'm sorry you got treated badly.

I could at least understand the ones who genuinely don't get how their actions affect others, because this was once one of my bad traits. However, in some cases, it is a form of emotional manipulation, meant to place the blame on you instead of the person instigating the conflict in the first place. They hope that by making you look like a "crazy" person, that they'll appear to be sane and oh so confused by your reaction to them. Thus, it would keep themselves, as Fnord mentioned, out of trouble and/or garner sympathy from others. Horrible facet of human behavior, but it does sometimes happen.

dianthus - what you experienced at the shop was basically coercion also they seemed to know one another so the shop keeper was always going to take her side also i think the "you're crazy" remark basically translates as "why are you not following the unwritten social rules"

Has anyone noticed the irony in this thread, that so many threads bring up how ''all'' NTs have empathy and ''all'' ASD people lack empathy? Not that I'm one to actually buy that, because I know that empathy is a personality trait, not an NT/Autistic trait. So to me this thread seem accurate in describing some humans out there, NT or Aspie or other neurotypes, but some people on WP go on and on in threads about all this NTs and empathy stuff and deny any ''I'm Aspie but I have empathy because....'' posts by putting a load of ifs, buts and maybes, and then someone in a new thread asks a question that refers to the lack of empathy in people and then everyone's like ''yeah, that's NTs all around me...''

Not that I don't agree with what this thread is asking, because I do. But the contradictions on these forums always throw me.

They need to maintain their inflated egos.



Alexithymia is a condition often co-morbid with any form of autism, and it can range from slight to severe. As neurotypicals are far less likely to suffer from alexithymia, they are more likely to display greater empathy as they can properly perceive, distinguish and understand emotions. I'm not too sure how this ties into personality so now I have some more research to do based on what you've inspired in my head.