Do you have to be socially correct?

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As not to be rude? For instance on my sisters ball team a kid is bad at pitching I state this but mom is all SHHH! since we don't want the other child or that kids parent to hear. With my older sister it's so bad we say the nephew Logan is an angel!! !! GREAT! BEHAVIOR! Not wild ADHD problems and "Want to kill myself" at AGE 7!! !! You say ANYTHING NEGATIVE she's the type that takes it as an attack I guess and we don't see him for weeks.

I hate this social aspect of keeping quiet and not talking about things. Can anyone relate?

I am confused if the kid has ADHD and has suicidal feelings at age 7, something is clearly wrong and not so sure he's at fault. I mean the way you posted that it sounds like you are being judgemental about that kid when he probably is really struggling...maybe that is why his mom would take your negative comments as an 'attack'. Presentation is actually kind of important...you can talk about things but its best to try and do it in a respectful manner...and consider the other persons feelings and situation.

I can relate. I say the truth anyway. I don't care. It gets me in trouble though.

About the kid on the ball team, a lot of children's sports teams and leagues have specific rules. Which is helpful, because then you know what you can be in trouble for before people suddenly are angry. So in that setting, it's not "be quiet" it's specifically you're supposed to avoid criticizing the child athletes, coaches, and referees because it tends to distract and interfere with the sport being played by distracting and demoralizing people.

You usually aren't supposed to speak directly to any of them during a game or meet, either, with few exceptions. You're allowed and encouraged to cheer them on.

As far as the child with wild behavior who talks about suicide, what I've noticed is that people are allowed to criticize and complain about minor stuff, but it seems to be unacceptable to be anything but positive and encouraging, or catch yourself and correct it if you slip, if a child has a serious problem.

You do not want to live in a world where everyone says what they think without regard to other peoples feelings. Do you think you already know what everyone thinks about you? You don't.

"Move it ret*d."
"You will never find someone who will love you because you are nothing but rude and annoying and selfish and your parents should have aborted you."
"You can't even clean the kitchen, what is the matter with you, you are so worthless I don't know why we let you live with us."
"I can't stand to look at you, don't look at me, I don't want to see your face, it makes me sick."

Yeah if everyone said what was on their minds, it would be horrible. Also I think people use honesty as an excuse to be mean. They will say "I was just being honest" after they have been mean. So just imagine if everyone said what was on their minds including aspies. People say I say what is on my mind but they don't know if I truly say what is on my mind, I would be saying a lot more things. I could tell a guy at work whenever he drools, it disgusts me and I can't even look at him so I never look at him because of it. The guy has cerebral palsy so he has no control over his drool or when he drips food down his chin when he eats. It would be the truth if I said it and me being honest but it would still be mean and insensitive.

It can depend on my mood, though normally I'll just keep my mouth shut.

It can be really hard to know when to keep thoughts inside and I tend to just not speak I order not to get it wrong.

The guiding principle for me, though, is try not to harm or distress people unless it's necessary.

The golden rule is a good axiom to base these calculations on.

So the question is: is there a way to say this that does not harm people emotionally? Is there away to address the central issue without being strongly negative? Is there a way to balance a negative perspective with some comments about positive aspects of the person or situation?

Does the terrible nephew have good qualities, for example? Is it possible to "just be truthful" about strengths as well as weaknesses?

It doesn't come naturally or easily, but trying to accentuate the positive makes discussing the negative more socially acceptable.

If there are negative behavioral issues, for example, instead of expressing something negative about them you can discuss ways of encouraging or developing positive behavior. This is just as real and honest, but with a positive focus. You may then be perceived as someone who tries to build people up and improve situations rather than tear people down and spread misery and a change in perception in that direction can only be good.

Last edited by Adamantium on 23 Feb 2014, 12:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Nope, I do not have to be socially correct.
However, whether I like it or not, I do get to reap the social consequences of what I do and say.


I do not like it either, but I choose to accept it. I find I am generally happier if I choose to live life on life's terms.

Not socially correct.

My problem is not that I hate being quiet to spare people's feelings but that I don't anticipate what someone else will find hurtful.

I don't care about "social correctness" but I don't want to say things that hurt other people's feelings, even if I don't understand why their feelings would be hurt. (Of course there are some situations where those things need to be talked about even if they cause hurt feelings.)

I find that if I have to say something I'll say it in private.