Assistance needed: Research on Sexuality and Sex Education

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About us and Disclaimer: We are college seniors working to develop a prototype inclusive sex education program developed with individuals with autism in mind. The program will be geared towards both neurotypical students and students with autism in sixth and seventh grade. These questions were posted with the permission of Alex Plank.

Our project is founded on the concept that:

“Individuals with ASD, and all other disabilities regardless of severity, have a basic right to sexual life and intimate relationships. As such, we hold that appropriate sexuality education is necessary (Sullivan and Caterino 2008).”

We have developed the following questions in order to better guide our research and curriculum development. Please comment on this thread with your responses. Please answer as much and as fully as you can! If you feel comfortable doing so, please also state how you identify (individual with autism, ally of individuals with autism, etc).

While we are diving into the research and eager to learn as much as we can, we are aware that we are still ignorant in our knowledge base. We do not mean to upset or offend anyone with the ignorance inherent to our questions—we just want to make our proposed curriculum the best it can be.

General Questions:
1. What did you have/do you currently have in terms of a sex education?
2. What did you think was beneficial about your sex education?
3. What was lacking about your sex education?
4. What aspects about sexuality/sexual relationships/intimacy/sexual health did you wish you knew when you around 10-14 years old?
5. What aspects about sexuality, sexual relationships, intimacy, sexual health would you like to know more about now?
6. What do you wish neurotypicals understood about autism in the context of sex or sexuality?
7. How much should we be integrating aspects of interpersonal communication and perspective-taking into a sex education curriculum?

Questions Specifically for Parents:
1. What do you wish you children ages 10-14 years old knew about sex?
2. Were you willing to/would you be willing to talk to your children about sex? What kinds of topics would be willing to discuss?
3. What would you like to be taught in a sex education program?
4. How involved would you be willing to be in implementing a sex education program for your children?
5. How much should we be integrating aspects of interpersonal communication and perspective-taking into a sex education curriculum?

Thank you in advance for your timely responses to these questions!

1. What did you have/do you currently have in terms of a sex education?

My parents gave me some books when I was in junior high school. One was called "What's Happening to Me?" and it was about puberty. It had cartoonish drawings. There was another one with anatomically correct charcoal sketches that they gave me a couple of years later with the caveat that they didn't agree with the books views on masturbation (that it was normal and healthy), although they didn't really specify what theirs were. When I was in high school, I bought The Joy of Sex.

2. What did you think was beneficial about your sex education?

The school didn't say much -- if anything -- about it. They were a bunch of Texas rednecks, after all, and I can hardly imagine that they would have said anything particularly useful or accurate.

3. What was lacking about your sex education?

A clear, precise explanation of consent, a strong focus on fairness and balance, a warning that it's easy to get carried away and lose sight of the other person's needs, especially for people with Autism.

4. What aspects about sexuality/sexual relationships/intimacy/sexual health did you wish you knew when you around 10-14 years old?

Everything, but the best thing would have been a warning about how much nonsense people believe that has no basis in reality.

5. What aspects about sexuality, sexual relationships, intimacy, sexual health would you like to know more about now?

I'm good.

6. What do you wish neurotypicals understood about autism in the context of sex or sexuality?

Speaking just for myself, I'd like NT people to understand that I may take a minute to get used to someone touching me, and jumping a little doesn't mean that I hate it. "Do you like that?" is a question that people should ask each other more often in a new sexual situation, but not all the time obviously.

7. How much should we be integrating aspects of interpersonal communication and perspective-taking into a sex education curriculum?

I think everyone could use more of that. I didn't even read all the questions before I started answering them, but in case it wasn't clear, that's exactly what would have done me the most good (re: question 3) in my sex education.

Feel free to PM me if you have any follow-up questions. I'm back in college and minoring in Psychology, so I wish you the best of luck and would really appreciate being updated as the project progresses.

Thank you so much, jrjones9933! We will absolutely keep you updated!

I'm a 31 yo (possible aspie) male with 2 children. So I'll answer both sections.

General Questions:
1. What did you have/do you currently have in terms of a sex education?

I came from a conservative parental background when it game to sex. My father (Muslim) didn't talk about those things. My mother neither. I learned from HBO (probably not the best way. Later on my school provided sex education. My understanding about sex ed during that time was a clinical approach based on book. But I later understand many classmates around were already sexually active. So they had some substance/framework behind what was being taught.

2. What did you think was beneficial about your sex education?

Condom Use, STD, cost to raise a child.

3. What was lacking about your sex education?

Nothing really.

4. What aspects about sexuality/sexual relationships/intimacy/sexual health did you wish you knew when you around 10-14 years old?

Since I wasn't sexually active at that age nothing.

5. What aspects about sexuality, sexual relationships, intimacy, sexual health would you like to know more about now?

I would like to understand more of the clinical aspects of sex. Sex Drive, Femininity/Masculinity, establishment of the sexual identity/sexual orientation.

6. What do you wish neurotypicals understood about autism in the context of sex or sexuality?

I don't think NT can understand.


7. How much should we be integrating aspects of interpersonal communication and perspective-taking into a sex education curriculum?

Do you mean social skills building for Autistic persons, along with sex ed.

Questions Specifically for Parents:
1. What do you wish you children ages 10-14 years old knew about sex?

They should know condom use, STD, being responsible for themselves sexually and respect sexual rights of others.

2. Were you willing to/would you be willing to talk to your children about sex? What kinds of topics would be willing to discuss?

I think I would find a updated educational video or lesson. I would feel more comfortable talking to my son, whereas my wife would feel more comfortable talking to our daughter.

3. What would you like to be taught in a sex education program?

Same as question 1.

4. How involved would you be willing to be in implementing a sex education program for your children?

Same as question 2/ Maybe the school system.

5. How much should we be integrating aspects of interpersonal communication and perspective-taking into a sex education curriculum?

?

Thank you in advance for your timely responses to these questions![/quote]

1. in second grade, I read "I am josephine's uterus" in a reader's digest my parents had lying around. in fifth grade, mom gave permission and viewed with me a movie at school after school on menstruation. mom was a nurse and happy to answer questions. in ninth grade in health class, we saw a film on the mechanics of intercourse. I wish it had been earlier. we never discussed contraception or protection from STD's. I wish those had been included. at 20, I bought and read "our bodies, ourselves." I discovered that, as I thought, my boyfriend had been lying to me about my own anatomy. I wish sex ed had had more pictures. at 26, I went to catholic pre-marriage classes with a friend whose fiancée was out of state. they said that the clitoris "may paly a role in women's sexual response." they should have said that half of women can't have an orgasm without direct clitoral stimulation.

2. the movie on menstruation helped me see it as a part of growing up, a positive thing.

3. see 1.

4. I believe everything in 1. should be available in texts in fifth grade (age 10) and ongoingly, with teachers willing to answer any question a student might have. classroom didactics should include anatomy and physiology and birth control and STD protection as well as the benefit of masturbation as a laboratory for learning about oneself and preparing for eventual sex.

5. I'm pretty well-informed.

6. I don't think neurotypicals need to know anything special to deal with me. I would, however, warn folks on the spectrum that their social isolation makes them easy targets for abusive behavior, including sexual.

7. I think assertiveness training should be part and parcel of any sex ed course. that includes advocating for one's self and taking into account the feelings of others.

1. What did you have/do you currently have in terms of a sex education?
just the neurotypical basics: correct condom useage, workings of the pill and a quick discussion of the most common STDs and how to prevent them, finished up with your options should you become pregnant against your will (including abortion)
note; this was given at around age 12, so there was a lot of giggling and fooling around

2. What did you think was beneficial about your sex education?
learning how to put on a condom certianly was good (else i wouldn't have known there was a 'wrong way out'), and for the women i suppose that knowing that missing one day of the pill rendered the rest of the month ineffective was a good one as well

3. What was lacking about your sex education?
from what the course implied to teach us, nothing really, they tought safe sex and emergency backup plans should something go 'wrong'

however, the human side of sex ed was almost nonexistant; there was no mention of triggers, behaviour or common 'signals of interest', from both sides.
i understand them not teaching those things, at that point none of the teachers knew about my autism, i dont think half the teachers knew it was even possible to attend high school with such a "disability", so they just assumed all of the class would instictively know how to get into a situation where the sec-ed teachings would become relevant. from that vieuwpoint, i don't know any real points of improvement to the course (on the mechanics of safe sex), but i would have liked more information on the lead-up

4. What aspects about sexuality/sexual relationships/intimacy/sexual health did you wish you knew when you around 10-14 years old?
appropriateness for one, i had no idea when it was 'ok' to talk about sex and when not to, same with acting on it.
i'm somewhat ashamed to admit, but i groped several of my female classmates on parties, becouse i saw that happening in movies and had no idea that i wasn't supposed to... (i was around 16-18 when that happened, a bit older but none the wiser, for this topic)

5. What aspects about sexuality, sexual relationships, intimacy, sexual health would you like to know more about now?
for me personally, i know just about all there is to know, from own research, so all problems i still have are matters of practice or sensory issues (and the fact that everyone is different, so 'indicators of interest' differ person to person)

6. What do you wish neurotypicals understood about autism in the context of sex or sexuality?
if they understood autism/aspergers in 'normal' social gatherings, most would be solved i think, since the issues are just extended/increased versions of reguler social problems: touch sensitivity, shyness, problems with eyecontact and the like. personally i dont experience problems or issues in context of sexuality and intimacy that aren't either "increased regular social" or lack of practice

7. How much should we be integrating aspects of interpersonal communication and perspective-taking into a sex education curriculum?
more then 'you'll figure it out eventually', which appears to be the default stance.
there are quite a few sitcoms that show good examples of indicators of interest or subtle rejection that could be used to teach children about them, specifically those on the spectrum.

i recommend using "the big bang theory", the interaction between sheldon and amy (two characters in that show) are good examples of autistic obliviousness, and i think it can be used to both show those on the spectrum what to look out for (focus on amy) and the neurotypicals how what appears to be rejection doesn't have to be (focus on sheldon)

General Questions:
1. What did you have/do you currently have in terms of a sex education?
in school it was very heteronormative & left out way too many specifics
after this many years I pretty much know what I need to know to keep myself both safe and entertained

2. What did you think was beneficial about your sex education?
became aware of the biological differences between the sexes

3. What was lacking about your sex education?
real ideas of birth control and much safety
anything on gender or any sort of "alternate" gender or any non-heteronormative stuff

4. What aspects about sexuality/sexual relationships/intimacy/sexual health did you wish you knew when you around 10-14 years old?
that I was not evil for being the way I am
how to stay actually safe - WITHOUT any shaming
that it is natural and normal

5. What aspects about sexuality, sexual relationships, intimacy, sexual health would you like to know more about now?
I am fine

6. What do you wish neurotypicals understood about autism in the context of sex or sexuality?
that we are people and have the same or similar experiences as they do

7. How much should we be integrating aspects of interpersonal communication and perspective-taking into a sex education curriculum?
200%

Questions Specifically for Parents:
1. What do you wish you children ages 10-14 years old knew about sex?
by 10 full realities of their bodies and how they can relate to others (my partner & I used grey's anatomy starting at 3 or 4)

2. Were you willing to/would you be willing to talk to your children about sex? What kinds of topics would be willing to discuss?
see above

3. What would you like to be taught in a sex education program?
that it is a natural and normal human relation
orientation spectrum
gender spectrum
romance spectrum

4. How involved would you be willing to be in implementing a sex education program for your children?
as I said, we started before they were school age

5. How much should we be integrating aspects of interpersonal communication and perspective-taking into a sex education curriculum?
200%

1. What did you have/do you currently have in terms of a sex education?

A series of books my parents had. Nothing too fancy, and plain vanilla as far as sex went. Some school classes. Did most of my own research at the library.

2. What did you think was beneficial about your sex education?

It was informative.

3. What was lacking about your sex education?

Not sure. I felt is was too much for the age. Young kids DO NOT need to hear a lot of things about sex. In classes, it was more a matter of humor and silliness than taken seriously. Lessons on STDs were probably the most critical ones taken seriously.

4. What aspects about sexuality/sexual relationships/intimacy/sexual health did you wish you knew when you around 10-14 years old?

NOTHING. I know some people think they know they are gay/lesbian when they were a kid, but the simple fact is that most every kid is going through stuff at that age, and they have all kinds of feelings about so many things. Sexuality is TOO COMPLEX an issue to just have a group of lessons and think it will answer all questions. I'd keep it focused about how human reproduction works, hygiene, STDs and the importance of taking time to grow up before being in a rush to make choices about sex and sexuality.

5. What aspects about sexuality, sexual relationships, intimacy, sexual health would you like to know more about now?

Frankly, I think I'm past the TMI marker with sex and sexuality...thanks to the mass media.

6. What do you wish neurotypicals understood about autism in the context of sex or sexuality?

I don't know if anything needs to be taught to NTs. It's those with autism who may need extra help. What we know is that we don't see the world the same way, so social rules on sex and sexuality may or may not have any meaning to us.

7. How much should we be integrating aspects of interpersonal communication and perspective-taking into a sex education curriculum?

It's not an issue. Get people the basics. Some things are better dealt with one-on-one rather than in a lecture environment.

General Questions:
1. What did you have/do you currently have in terms of a sex education?
My parents didn't say much of anything (too uncomfortable). From mom got the idea that all sex is bad. From dad and male peers, got the idea I was less of a man if I did not have sex every time I got I to have sex with a female partner, no matter what. Then my parents tried to control my sexual behavior before I turned 18, which was confusing. Masturbation is wrong. Homosexuality is wrong. I can’t remember high school sex ed. I remember health department STD classes as an adult. We showed them to recovering drug addicts who were in treatment. Basically, I remember condom talk and information about the transmission of STD’s, and repeated admonishments to practice safe sex (condoms, getting tested regularly, not sleeping around). So basically, I got sex ed. from rap music, male peers, homophobic preacher, church ladies. No real comprehensive, practical information until I was in my 20's.
2. What did you think was beneficial about your sex education? I know how to prevent pregnancy. I know about how prevalent different STD’s are and which ones are incurable. I know where to go to get tested for STD’s.
3. What was lacking about your sex education? Nothing. I am once again referring to the education provided to me as an adult who was already sexually active.
4. What aspects about sexuality/sexual relationships/intimacy/sexual health did you wish you knew when you around 10-14 years old? That it is normal to masturbate. That most kids are not having sex at your age. It is okay to wait. That real sex is not like internet porno. I know a lot of young guys watch porno, trying to learn about sex and pressure their partners to do things like in porno. The emotional stuff is what I find lacking. They tell you clinical stuff about how things “should” be but not how normal people experience sexuality, common pitfalls people fall into. Perhaps this emotional stuff would be better saved for older teenagers. I don’t think kids 10-14 would be old enough to understand.
5. What aspects about sexuality, sexual relationships, intimacy, sexual health would you like to know more about now? Nothing really
6. What do you wish neurotypicals understood about autism in the context of sex or sexuality? Nothing that a 10-14 needs to know. It would be helpful if NT’s understood aspies better in intimate relationships. If not there is going to be a slew of misunderstandings and hard feelings based on unrealistic expectations.
7. How much should we be integrating aspects of interpersonal communication and perspective-taking into a sex education curriculum? It should focus on assertiveness and safety (not putting yourself in a position to be raped, how to spot a sexual predator, what to do if you are assaulted). I don’t know how in-depth you would want to go with 10-14 year olds. You might scare them to death. I don’t know how many kids are already sexually active at that age.

I'm not a parent so I cant answer any of the other questions.

Last edited by em_tsuj on 07 Mar 2014, 8:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

the average age of first intercourse is 14&1/2. that means lots of folks start younger than that.

Uhm... No, it isn't. It's 17-ish. It's not unusual for someone's first time to be at 14, of course, which is why reasonable sex ed will tell people what's what before that, but people put way too much pressure on each other to have sex too early and too soon in a relationship. That's the way hearts get broken, and people feel ashamed of still being virgins at whatever age they are, instead of waiting until they know for sure they're ready.

I didn't get any. My school simply didn't have sex ed. But I did read about sex when I was about nine years old, from my mom's medical textbooks. I was a bookworm and I read pretty much anything in the house. By the time she ever mentioned sex to me, I knew all about it.


What sex ed?


Its existence.

Well, I wish I knew that "asexual" was a thing, that it was okay not to want to have sex in the first place. It's okay to think "I'm a late-bloomer" when you're twelve and everyone's into boys or girls, but by the time you're eighteen, you start to wonder. I also would've liked to learn how to identify when someone was trying to flirt or make romantic overtures or ask me out. I had no clue about that for the longest time, and the subtler things still fly over my head. And for me, since I'm asexual, I'd want to know how to turn someone down without offending them.

I know everything I need. I can research anything I happen to be curious about, and I have the Internet and I know where to find trustworthy information. I'm okay with not being too good at identifying and participating in flirting, because I'm not really into that.

That most of us aren't asexual. That, if we are, it's okay and it's not a symptom of our autism. That we actually do need sex ed. That disabled people aren't usually asexual, and are not eternal children.

For autistics, there's often a problem with knowing what's inappropriate and how to say no. Autistic people have been raped without even knowing that their attacker was doing something wrong, because they had simply been taught to comply with authority. The risk of sexual assault is much worse for autistics than for non-disabled people. We have to know what it is, how to defend ourselves, and if we're victimized, we have to know how to find help and know that we'll be listened to.

This seems to be all the wrong questions to ask.

Some of the important issues have already been posted here, but here is a list of important relationship questions to cover:

1. Asexuality. Why are so many Aspies asexual, and especially why so many female Aspies? Could it be due to our sexualized culture? What can we do to increase acceptance of people that don't like NT-type intimacy?

2. Being sexually abused. What should we do about so many Aspies (mostly female Aspies) being sexually abused? How do we teach Aspie girls how to say no so NT males understand it?

3. Approach avoidance. What can we do to help (mostly male Aspies) how to get over their avoidance of approaching girls they are interested in?

I am afraid there is not a womon alive who can get a man to understand NO, this is not an Aspie problem this is a male/female problem

If that was the case we wouldn't see many more Aspie females than NT female being sexually abused.

according to the American academy of pediatrics, the average age of first intercourse in the US is 14&1/2.

A kick to the crotch or a blast of pepper spray says "NO" pretty clearly, actually.

It's a risk autistic females share with NT females, but it's a greater risk for autistic females. That is true for many risks. Autistic females are also more likely to be assaulted, murdered, and generally discriminated against than NT females, and people who are sexist against females will feel even freer to be sexist against autistic females. That's what happens when you're part of more than one minority group at a time.

You can see the same effect if you look at black male autistics--they're at greater risk of police violence than either white male autistics or black male NTs, because of the "black males are violent" stereotype plus the atypical body language of autistics and ablism in the police force.