I'm confused

Post Reply New Topic

How can I be smart and not smart at the same time?
Everybody on the forums keeps telling me how amazingly smart I am.
Which I never really heard until I started posting on forums 7 months ago.
But in real life I'm like a 5 year old and I've always needed special ed.
I tried some basic mainstream schooling going into the 7th grade and fell so far behind I had to drop out.
I basically can't do anything an average kid my age can do.
And have to be cared for so much more than someone my age.
I mean my 13 year old friend basically has to babysit me at school.
But I get called "Little Eisenstein" by an internet friend who is 17 and being sincere.
I just don't get it.

I get the same comments, from friends, psychiatrists, doctors, family members, etc.

I'm now diagnosed ADHD so at least I know now why I can't put pen to paper.

In addition to my autism I have ADHD, dyspraxia, dyslexia and dyscalcula.

That will be why then, just remember that You're intelligent I'm sure

That would accurately describe both of my children. They are so incredibly smart but have no social skills with young emotional age.

My first child is a computer whiz, though could not learn her multiplication tables. She was in "social adjustment class" and other special education classes. She never finished high school but has a successful career in computers, being hired just by now she presents in interviews, incredibly computer gifted.

My second child tested gifted in public school, had a bit better social skills, but there was no focus to her interests. She was interested in a wide array of topics. Though she finished high school, using a whole host of anti-anxiety medications to get there, she was not as employable because she did not have a saleable skill, like her sister's computer skills. She can tell you everything you ever wanted to know about pirates, and has incredible drawing skills, but that does not get you a job.

What I mean to say is there are different types of intelligence. Why can my daughter understand all there is to know in the world of computers but not know what 6 x 7 equals and have such difficulties in the social spheres? There is factual intelligence, emotional intelligence, social intelligence, etc. I think all of us on the autism spectrum have uneven intelligences. It's not just black and white.

So we really are so smart and not so smart at the same time.

It's fairly common for autistics to have a wide gap between the things they can do and the things they can't; our IQ subtest scores are usually so skewed that practitioners can't get an accurate result (we present with some subskills in the 99th percentile and some in the first, for instance). My mother asked me recently how it is that I can be so great at some things but so terrible at others (in that case she was referring to the huge disconnect between my academic and executive functioning skills) but even in the realm of academics, I'm borderline gifted at reading and writing, and at the same time am being tested for dyscalculia because of how bad my math skills are. I wouldn't be too concerned Ezra, as far as autistics go, you're fairly normal

There's smarts and there's street smarts. In my case I can walk around with an eight page schematic diagram in my head, draw it out, build it, test it, and it will work first time. However, tell me to ask out a pretty girl at the bar and I'll fumble and make a fool of myself. I can cook the finest roast lamb you've ever tasted but I hate dinner parties, I can build a radio transmitter that will perfectly reproduce human speech yet I don't like talking to strangers.

My young brother is the opposite, he has the street smarts but he's in a dead-end job because he goofed off during school and spent his college time in the local bars.

What would you choose?

me too. i may seem really smart and focused online, but in real life i am very spacey.

Well, I definitely don't think you should feel bad about yourself because you aren't as "capable" as the other kids at being a student in an institutional school setting. Doing well in school requires skills that many people have and take for granted, but those skills don't make them "smart" or "better". It's sort of like saying you're not smart because you aren't a good candidate for the military. Doing well in the military (boot camp) probably requires similar skills (listening & following instructions, high level of self-regulation, not being distracted or spaced-out, doing what you are told quickly and without question, etc.) But unlike the military, EVERYONE has to go through school, whether or not you have that skill-set that, again, most people take for granted. It has nothing to do with being smart or not. Once you are grown up you will have choices about where your particular skills will let you excel, rather than feel as though you are "incapable" because a certain skill-set is assumed to be universal.

You're confusing intelligence, which you clearly have, with specific knowledge & skills, which you have difficulties with & in some cases may lack entirely.
Intelligence is merely the ability to comprehend, reason using, extrapolate from, and synthesize ideas.
It seems clear that you're able to do those things very well.

Intelligence is an inherent trait.
People don't, generally, get any more or less intelligent over time.

Knowledge & skills, on the other hand, are learned traits, and not everyone is able to learn those things in the same way or as easily as others, no matter their level of intelligence.
The fact that you have certain learning disabilities that make it very difficult for you to learn at the same pace as your peers has nothing at all to do with your intelligence.

My entire life people have been telling me that I'm really smart.
Most of that time, I've been telling them in reply that it hasn't been particularly helpful or useful despite the implication that it should be.
Don't get me wrong, I like my intelligence, it's just that it hasn't really done anything to make my life any easier or better and has probably caused me more problems than it's ever solved.

I have Aspergers and I will be 40 this year.

I have never had a relationship or a social life.
My hard writing and spelling are bad.
I can not multitask and I get flustered when I try.
I was 7 when I learned to tie my shoes.
I have been told I go on like a child.

I only started to learn to drive in the last six months because I need to drive as my job is out of the way of public transport.
I work picking orders and I have one of the best acurcey records and important orders are always given to me.

I am still living with my parents and I have never lived independently.

I have bigger vocabulary than anybody in my family or anybody I work with.

I know more about history and science then anybody I know.

As you can see Autism is a mixed bag and I have my limitations but I am intelligent.
People with Autism tend to be emotionally immature for there age but at nearly 40 I feel like an adult at last and do not act like a child anymore.

You have Autism and I am sure the limitations you have to deal with dent your confidence.

Despite all that your posts come across as smart and well written and you have shown you understand everything going on here.

The thinking part of your brain works just fine but it has to deal with the bad wiring that comes with Autism.

As you get older you will learn how to act more mature but it will take longer than NTs.

Read what I have just written does it look like it is written for somebody dumb?

You say you act like a five year old well you are aware of it and trust me you will grow out of it.
Living with Autism is not easy and yours does sound worse then mine however you are smart and I am sure you will overcome many of your challenges as you get older.

You will always have Autism and things will never be perfect but I am guessing they will be much better then you think they will be right now.

It may not help much, but I just want to let you know that it is also my opinion.
I am 29 and from what I know of you based on your posts, I think you have more perspective and insight on some topics than many people my age I met (autistic or not, that's not even the point). I have only a fragmentary view of what your life in the so-called "real" world is, but here you are awesome




I think that is because "smart" or "intelligent" are a very vague words that most people use in a very general way without even knowing what they mean by it.

Typical NT mental development follows some well defined steps. (If you want to know more about that you can read works on developmental psychology. I remember you writing that long and argumented texts sometimes confuse you but I think that topic has gone mainstream enough that there are some good quality straightforward explanations of it.) When a person has achieved some level on development in a field (communication, personal autonomy, reasoning, etc.) it is usually expected that that person has an "equivalent" level in other fields. I think the terms "intelligent" or "smart" refer to a high level of development on that uniform scale.

Due to our specificities, we don't have the same abilities as NTs and therefore lack that uniform development. It is my belief that terms like "intelligent" or "smart" therefore can't really apply to autistic people. Yes you can't do what most people your age can do. And you can do some other things even many people twice you age can't do. So my opinion is that you are neither "smart" nor "dumb". Without any judgement. Those words have just never been designed to refer to someone like you.

About your looking "smart" on forums, it is almost certainly caused by different communication styles and methods. People judge on what they see. Here people see you develop elaborate and interesting reasoning and communicate in an appropriate way. In the "real" world other people's perception of you is probably dominated by the limitations your describe in your ways to cope with daily life, and they probably don't have any way to judge on your reasoning since you don't talk much (which I understand). Probably most of them would be extremely surprised if they saw your posts here.

Apart from that, I meant it when I say that you are awesome here. It is not "fake", you seem to be a very helpful person online, that is something you are genuinely good at and you can be proud of it.

The way i see it: you've got different ways of 'smart'. Some people are 'smart' at social things. Others at technical things and so on. I don't see intelligence as one standard thing. It has many forms, and i think people are developing specialties when it comes to 'smart things'. So don't be confused. Just be glad with the things you're good at. And the things you're not so good at, well you can either accept that, or just learn to be good at things by training. But in my opinion, its better to accept you for who you are and don't compare yourself too much to others, and be that unique human being, than looking at what's 'wrong' with you or 'aberrant'. Everybody's different. That's kind of the point of life i think

The way i see it: you've got different ways of 'smart'. Some people are 'smart' at social things. Others at technical things and so on. I don't see intelligence as one standard thing. It has many forms, and i think people are developing specialties when it comes to 'smart things'. So don't be confused. Just be glad with the things you're good at. And the things you're not so good at, well you can either accept that, or just learn to be good at things by training. But in my opinion, its better to accept you for who you are and don't compare yourself too much to others, and be that unique human being, than looking at what's 'wrong' with you or 'aberrant'. Everybody's different. That's kind of the point of life i think

I'm able to explain myself much clearer through writing than speaking and appear to be smarter through my choice of interests than what I show in my actions.
I have ADHD too and it really affects my level to concentrate which is basically affecting my ability to learn and memorise. I feel pretty stupid at times and other times I feel a lot smarter.

I'm not very independent myself as people have seen. I think I understand now when they thought I could manage on my own because when I was on medication people offline got to see how intelligent I really was which the ADHD was masking.

It could be the same for you.

I have below average math skills too and I think my motor skills are now so poor to be diagnosed with dyspraxia.

We don't often get 13 year olds in the main forum so it can be surprising to some people that you seem to be very articulate. People think I'm articulate when I struggle to write one coherent sentence and I find that hard to believe.

You've got to remember though even though we don't appear to others (in the real world) to be smart we really are. We have so many neurological issues going on it's just hard for others to see it. They can only judge by what they see. Just because you need help with things doesn't mean you're less smarter than them. I'm 28 and still need a lot of assistance.

When I was on medication people would mistake me for being gifted and I didn't like it because it wasn't true. I was placed in remedial classes all throughout my education. Gifted children don't end up there.

Because you are different, Ezra, and you will always think just a little, or a lot, differently than the majority. They will see you confused by things other people master as young children and make assumptions that you may overturn about your intelligence and abilities.

Where I have run into the most trouble has been when I try to understand others and start believing their limiting assumptions about me. Try to remember that if you were this other person who is judging you, you would be very limited, but you are not them, so you may not be limited in the ways they predict, or you may, but though others think they know, they don't know you, so they don't really know what y are and aren't capable of.

Also try to remember that learning to act like other people should be a tool to help you function, or be comfortable, or make others comfortable. I have made the mistake of thinking I needed to BE who others expect, and that is a mistake, as it is impossible to become neurotypical, no matter how much one learns to think through and compensate for what doesn't come naturally (and I'm not referring to the controversy about preschoolers who appear to be on the autism spectrum but look typical by the end of elementary school, that may be real, but it's a different situation).

For you, if you can remember you are entitled to exist with all your autism traits and that learning to talk and manage life more independently are strategies to achieve goals, and the goals should not include becoming typical, even if the goals are being able to look typical, you will I think save yourself a lifetime of pain.

I hope this made sense, Ezra? Just my opinion. But I have found that my taking things literally has gotten me caught up in trying to be who people say I should, i,e. acting typical as if that's me, and it is terribly depressing and overwhelming to be pursuing a goal of being typical, rather than of having the skills to achieve goals. And it's difficult to avoid, but I guess I'm hoping you can.