Harmless Autism Jokes

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And $3.14 just wasn't good enough. we had to subdivide a penny. O-well, at lease a penny is round.

If I see a spider I grab it and throw it out of a window. If there isn't a window, then I either flush it down the toilet, suck it up the vacuum cleaner, or eat it if it is a small one.

Then you shouldn't have been diagnosed with autism, you should have been diagnosed with entomophagy.

Another joke:
Q) What is an autistic dancer?
A) A Flapper!

I had the same feeling

Sorry don't buy it...If you had severe form of autism and somebody with a milder form of Aspergers made fun of your hand flapping or stimming then how do you think you'd feel?

If I see a spider, I exit the room and inform someone else so they can squish it. If it's on my bed, I sleep on the floor. Done that twice now. Stupid spiders.

That's life I guess. Everything is offensive to somebody, and not to others.

They aren't inherently cruel is all I can say.

There's no such thing as a "harmless" joke. You can't really be funny unless you offend someone. That said, bring on the autism jokes! I liked the one in the OP about Starcraft marines. It could use a better delivery though, like:

Q: Why do autistics make for great Terran marines?
A: Because they stim all the time!

Probably not cruel but perhaps borderline insensitive, anyway majority rules...

I thought people were making fun of their own hand flapping. It's not just people with classic autism who flap.

Not this one. I check the color of the spider and examine its back for markings that resemble a violin or "fiddle." If I do not see any, I presume it to be a common house spider or "wolf spider" and allow it to live, content in the knowledge that it is not dangerous to humans and glad that it will dwell within my domicile to consume flies and that brown marmorated stink-bug.

Get the joke???

Q: How many Aspies does it take to change a lightbulb??

A: Leave me alone. I can do this by myself. I'm not totally disabled. I said LET ME DO THIS. GO AWAY, Honey, you're stressing me out!! !!

A#2: Two-- one to change the lightbulb, and one to write a dissertation on the history of lightbulbs.

A#3: Just one-- but he'll spend the rest of the evening worrying about an electrical fire.


Did you know Aspies have their very own state?? It's "Huh?? Whyyyy--eee??" My hubby made up this one out of frustration with my CONSTANT need to know "why" in all matters of faith and human social behavior.

Last edited by BuyerBeware on 23 Oct 2014, 7:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If I see a spider I observe it or might try to take pictures of it but my phone camara kind of sucks for getting pictures of small things like spiders.

A guy is flying in a hot air balloon, and he's lost.

He lowers himself over a field and calls to a guy "Can you tell me where I am and where I'm headed?"

"Sure. You're at 41 degrees 2 minutes and 14 seconds North, 144 degrees 4 minutes and 19 seconds East; you're at an altitude of 762 meters above sea level, and right now you're hovering, but you were on a vector of 234 degrees at 12 meters per second."

"Amazing! Thanks! By the way, do you have Asperger's Syndrome?"

"I do! How did you know that?"

"Because everything you said is true, it's much more detail than I need, and you told me in a way that's no use to me at all."

"Huh. Are you a clinical psychologist?"

"I am, but how the heck did you know that???! !??"

"You don't know where you are. You don't know where you're going. You got where you are by blowing hot air. You put labels on people after asking a few questions, and you're in exactly the same spot you were 5 minutes ago, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"

This one made me laugh out loud. I have been studying the two spiders in my skylight for about 2 or 3 months. One of them I relocated there from my speaker because I didn't want it there. But they are in my skylight now and I do study them. And I am autistic. It is just funny.

Link to picture: My skylight with the spiders in it.

Oh, and I thought of my own joke: Someone told me to try ABBA. I did, and while it was catchy, I did not understand how it would help.

Best ever.

I find a lot of AS jokes funny and I'm not the least bit offended by any jokes here.

But...

I do have an issue with Nts coming here and starting this kinds if threads. That is crossing the line.
It's okay to discuss and ask questions here, it's not okay to start threads about AS jokes. You are not one of us.

Guys, you should use this excellent thread instead! http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt222284.html