Self-disclosure and understanding

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One of the top arguments I've heard for self-disclosure is people understanding to better. I know that this applies to some people, but it definitely doesn't apply to me.

The only way it helps people "understand" me is saying that I have a disorder to excuse my "bad behavior." Those people don't actually understand me, they are just more forgiving of certain behaviors. All of those behaviors are caused by fatigue, sensitivity or ADHD.

The people who understand me the best are people who don't see my "bad behaviors" and don't know about my diagnosis. I'm hoping to meet more people like that.

I don't believe disclosure is necessary. It often backfires on you. Always emphasize what you feel is positive about yourself. If one believes their autism is positive, one should emphasize it. There's lots of genius in autism, needing to transition from magma to lava.

OP, you think you were misdiagnosed so telling people about your diagnosis is different for you. Telling people you have ADHD and sensitivity would probably help you though. Yes , it's an excuse but a good excuse if you have "bad behaviour" like missing an instruction because you were not paying attention when someone's talking to you (for an ADHD related example) and you have a legitimate diagnosed disorder which causes it. Excuses are good when they help you keep jobs.

Asperger Disclosure Scenario #1:

Aspie: I think maybe you could understand me a little better if you realized I have a disability - I have Asperger Syndrome.

NT: "Ass Burgers"? Can't you take a suppository for that?

Aspie: Huh? No, it's a form of autism.

NT: You mean you're like - ret*d? You seem pretty normal. Don't those kids outgrow that stuff when they get older? I never heard of an autistic adult.

Aspie: Autism is not retardation, it's a neurological condition, that affects things like social skills, and it's lifelong.

NT: Oh, like Rainman. Are you like, a genius with numbers and stuff?

Aspie: No, I have issues with things like social skills...

NT: But you're talking to me right now.

Aspie: ...and sensory overloads, and...

NT: Oh, that's the thing that Adam Lanza had! So...you're likely to go postal any second and kill people for no reason.

Aspie: No, it's not a mental illness...

NT: Cool...well...I gotta go (warn everybody that you're a dangerous psychopath) - seeya!


Asperger Disclosure Scenario #2:

Aspie: Maybe I'd make more sense to you if you knew I have a disability - it's called Asperger Syndrome.

NT: "Ass Burgers"? That's hilarious! "Ass Burgers" - that'll be your new nickname. "Ass burgers" Heheheheh.

Aspie: It means I'm easily overwhelmed by too much sensory stimuli, like lights and noise and lots of people...

NT: Aw, you're just shy, you'll get over that, you just need to get out more, where lots of people are.

Aspie: No, I'm not shy, it's just all the sensory stuff is overwhelming and causes me panic attacks...

NT: Yeah, Stage Fright, everybody gets that once in a while, you're just shy.

Aspie: No, not Stage Fright, this is a condition I live with all the time, not just once in a while. It makes socialization extremely difficult.

NT: You're talkin' to me right now, aren'tcha? That's social. What's the problem?

Aspie: Er...:::sigh:::

NT: Yeah, that's what I thought. There's nothing wrong with you, you're just a big whiny crybaby makin' excuses about everything. You don't got no disability.

@ Willard - I never really have to elaborate so far. I usually get one of two answers, either that my friend hadn't noticed or that I've neatly explained a lot. I can't say I've ever directly used my A.S. like an excuse, more often than not it holds me to higher ethical standards than most people I know. Case in point, I only really relate to my several friends who know how my brain works. Controlling said anxiety is an exercise in restraint and diplomacy, anywhere you go.

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Never really had an opportunity to disclose in rl other then family. But then again I wasn't dx'd until recently. I suffer from fibro and other things as well. When I disclosed conditions to an employer asking for accommodation, always ended up losing the job shortly thereafter. Therefore I doubt I would disclose being on the spectrum to an employer now. In fact I won a unemployment dispute with said past employer. He admitted at hearing that he knew and made no accommodations and didn't feel the need to. State ruled against him for me but nothing more. He also didn't pay UI taxes on me which was also caused me denial at first. Had to prove I was employed to state (like they should know with taxes withheld you would think?). State told me I could sue (not that I would) but even tho he admitted in hearing, that couldn't be used as evidence in civil suit. Also said chances of winning slim to none. At that point I wanted no more of the employer and they could have ruled he had to take me back. I am sure I would have gotten harassed and canned all over again over something else....