substitute self

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this is kind of an offshoot of beneficii's post "i feel as if i am not present in this world". i am giving it its own thread both to grab a bit more attention for the question i'm trying to ask folks here, and because i was probably being kind of inconsiderate and off topic by nesting it as a reply within the aforementioned post.

beneficii, for those who did not read the post, had written about being out of it, losing affect and emotional responsiveness, not feeling present in the world. being gone, or out of it in this way, is usually a result of too little social contact; i definitely see the truth in that in my own experience as well as my common sense. but i also want to posit from the other side: that overstimulation or "too much" social contact can do this as well as too little

i have in recent years evolved the strategy of placing a substitute me into the world while i'm out, so to speak. of course, it requires a certain investment in the situation at hand (which is to say i must find the outcome intrinsically valuable or else i won't do it even when i should/need to), and that i'm not yet too far gone to do so.

do other people do this? do you find it helpful? or do you think it's just sort of a clumsy automatic self defense gesture, a response that comes more out of not having any other better response available?

I've never really experienced what he did. I do however have a substitute self. I often work from a script if I know I can't react normally.

I think I experience what Beneficii spoke of.

That's a good way to put it: a substitute self. I can only keep it up for so long, but it's my persona that politely exchanges NT pleasantries: "What weather we're having!"; "I see the Blues are ranked first again"; "Why, thank you very much."

Frankly, it's a skill that is necessary to learn.

Yeah, I do the same. I usually call it the "social shell".
Very, very few people actually get to talk to the "core" me.

Ezra: What I forgot to mention is that all the pleasantries are part of the process of meeting people. What happens is that if the person is really interested in getting to know you, then the conversation will eventually turn to something a bit more substantial. At a second meeting, it may become more substantial; and so on. So the pleasantries are a means to an end. It's the way NTs make friends. If you want friends, then this is the way it usually works.

so that's an interesting thing.. the social shell. to some extent, i have to wonder if this isn't also somewhat of a put-on for NTs. i'm guessing it just integrates better into that second step spoken of in this post: the actual conversation or the real friend bit.

but as has been stated, the problem is perhaps mainly that the facade can only be put on for so long. cause i know for sure i disintegrate past small talk. i know it confuses the s**t out of people because i've gotten to be fairly convincing with my small talk, and then abruptly i'm someone else.. and my iq somehow drops at least 20 points in their estimation at that point. it's semitrippy for me to recall that these disparate selves are the same person, but i have to remember, it's bizarre and even somewhat disturbing for those lacking the experience with that disparateness.

i think the interesting thing here is that from my perspective, the shell is the part i regard as being kind of wonky and uncanny valley-esque, but for others, it's more like a horror movie cliche.. the creep under the relatively normal mask. ugh, that sounds melodramatic, but it's about as close as i can approximate.