is wrongplanet not the right planet for me either?

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I also find this is not a good place for me. I find language hard and it seems very focused on the aspergers group and I have yet to find a place with a focus on an more autism diagnosed mid/low functioning group. But wrong planet will do until I find a group that works for me.

The trouble with such a place is that those in the mid/low fuctioning group are generally less able to aquire language, many never learn to speak. So it's harder for them to communicate, it's hard to see how such a group would work.

it does work,am on one such group for low functioning intelectualy disabled adults with anything from autism to downs to CP etc being represented there.

if people dont feel they can keep up with language of some of the posts, they can just read what they relate to;am LFA and have done that for the years have been a member here.
there are aspie members who feel they cant keep up with the language that some use, some feel inferior-but this forum is for everyone on the spectrum, its just that naturaly the majority of people on any ASD forum will always be the aspie/HFA.

I also share the OP's concerns. I've thought before of posting a thread about how the same kinds of social dynamics that can be seen in the NT world also appear to operate on WP: in-groups and out-groups, alpha males/females, the game of odd-man-out, various cliques, people reacting harshly to perceived threats against their ego/status, etc.

I've also gotten some really important and personally helpful information on here and also relate deeply to many of the posts, so I guess the good and bad I find on WP sort of even out in the end. But I've felt the need before to take a break, sometimes thinking I won't come back, but I seem to eventually feel the need return and at least read some of the posts in order to remind myself that there are many people out there with struggles similar to my own.

I have noticed that.

I also seem to have the same issues here that I have had on NT sites on and off on the past..being flamed (not something I thought would happen here but I guess even autistic people can flame or bully others as much as NT people can), my posting style being irritating to some, my opinions being offensive to some.

Same stuff I get everywhere really.

I feel like a walking anomaly wherever I go though. Or I am just not in a very happy state of mind this afternoon, one of the two.

I agree that the same type of dynamics that occur in the “real” world also occur in WP (or any onlne community). Why would you expect anything different?

For me, I ignore these dynamics and just do what I want. Who really cares what other think? Especially since the people we interact with here are virtual and some may not even exist (i.e. I wouldn’t be surprised if one or more “people” in the WP community were actually “plants” used to make WP appear like a more active community). Call me skeptical if you want. LOL

I feel more comfortable here than any other forum I've ever posted on. I feel like I can post what I want to say without getting caught up in a lot of drama. Other forums have way too much drama. I don't notice much social drama going on here, surprised that other people do.

starvingartist, I think you are one of the more valuable contributors here, and I would be sorry if you left.

Especially in L&D, there are people who like to stir the pot. At first I was somewhat offended, and also considered leaving. But there's so much more here of value - like Rocket, I feel I've learned so much about myself.

Personally, it's good conditioning for me when people try to bully me here (there are a few in particular who frequent L&D who seem to like to bully anyone who is not "in" with them). It's not in my personal space, I can take as much time as I like before I respond (or not), and in the big picture, who cares about the words of someone who is so insecure as to need to bully people on the internet?

There are enough "good" people here (like yourself) that I feel it's worth sticking around. Hope you decide to, as well.

i just wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone who has responded--when i have more time i will sit down and formulate a more thorough response. i have been unusually busy the last few days or i would have responded sooner.

i'm not considering leaving anymore--i think what the OP represents more than anything is the last gasp of this year's winter blahs for me.

anyway thank you all, and more later...

I have to say I sometimes feel like the most autistic person around here. Specially when people start talking about cliques and in groups and targeted bullying. Who are these cliques and in groups, is there a list somewhere because I've never managed to figure it out even though I see it mentioned every now and then?

To the OP, I hope you see now that you don't need to worry, if you can at least feel like you belong and fit in some of the time, that's still hopefully helpful and good. It's probably not possible for people with ASD to ever feel like they truly belong anywhere all of the time - I am thinking that's probably what the disorder part is all about.

I really just want you to consider how many people, including myself, value your input and to realise that just because someone thinks differently about a topic that doesn't mean they don't like you or that they don't want you around. World would be a very dull place if we all thought the same and agreed on everything all the time.

It's human nature (or perhaps I should say "mammalian nature") to gang up against newcomers. It's an evolutionary strategy that has worked for millenia, and I've seen it all my life. It's not conscious behavior, for the most part, so I don't get too easily offended by it.

Biologically speaking, sometimes the next most recent members of the group are the worst offenders. They have just established their "place" in the group, and fear the newcomer will usurp them. Again, it's not a conscious thing, but it happens almost anywhere you have a group of mammals. I grew up around horses, so I'm very familiar with the phenomenon. I had to relearn it about 10 years ago when I first started visiting internet forums.

You are speaking about hierarchies and pecking order, which I am aware of very much in animal and NT human societies, but here, with a bunch of people on ASD spectrum and other neuro diverse orientations, it seems far fetched. I am usually very good at spotting when people are ganging up, but I really honestly haven't seen that here. Sure, sometimes some people agree with something someone posts, but then they will disagree with them on another issue. There are also some people who avoid confrontation at all costs and will try and smooth over any potential disagreements no matter who it is with. But actual clique forming - I seriously doubt that people who come here are capable of that, i mean, we wouldn't be here if we knew how to do that, don't you think?

I have been under group attack by people on this site in the distant past and the thread was locked because they were flamming me. The attack was by a group, some of whom were self diagnosed and some of whom were not.

It's attacks like that that make me so tetchy when using the internet. I have been bullied and verbally attacked (or alternatively ostracised) by people so many times online on different sites the web makes me slightly paranoid, especially as I have trouble working people out half the time as it is. In the instance I outline above though paranoia had nothing to do with as observers could see the attack too.

I have been thinking for some time that it might be best if I did not use the internet on a daily basis, so much so I was considering getting rid of my internet connection so that I am not tempted to log on when I am home.

I don't think its healthy for me and seems to be worsening my social difficulties due to all the hostility over the years.

I don't know what to call it but there are differences here from NT forums. The main one is a wider set of thoughts and behaviors is considered normal and not weird.

I think where most of all run into problems is in the wants and needs department. Our expectations get unrealistic about what is just a running series of conversations (or monologues) by a bunch of people on the spectrum.

The main advantage is that a person might really know what you mean when you are mentioning a obsessive interest, a social response, the mental consequences, etc, etc.

I don't see nearly as much ganging up, per se, here, as I have seen in most places. There are one are two members, who individually seem to like to pick on new members while having something resembling a "good ol' boy" relationship with a few other members who will back them up on occasion.

Keep in mind I've had to live in an NT world for 57 years, not knowing I was on the spectrum, so I've become possibly overly-attuned to this kind of behavior, as it's always in groups where I seem to have my most baffling/frustrating social issues.

People may like to imagine all sorts of things it doesn't mean it's true. For example, just you and I having this conversation is probably looking like we are in a clique together to some others.

I agree with Toy Soldier when he says



does that mean him and I are in a clique or ganging up on you? I am wondering if some people would see it that way? I hate hate hate to patronise people and talk down to them but I have been taken over hot coals on WP before purely for not taking enough care to dumb down what I was saying enough so who knows. I still wouldn't call it ganging up. People have issues with some stuff, maybe they even think they have an issue with me because they can never agree with anything I say, but I just don't care really tbh. This is where being (likely) autistic seems to be a blessing. Not fitting in is really no skin off my nose.