Why is Competiveness Seen as Cheating/Dishonesty?

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I was playing around on OKCupid and filled about 1000 questions for my dating profile. I don't really take it or the site too seriously but I did notice that my personality profile is scarily accurate. My three biggest traits are : Competitive (off the charts), Kind and Pure. Most people outside of recreational sports trust me and know rightfully so I would not steal a penny from a billionaire to buy a glass of water and am as gentle as Mr. Rogers was but I always have a problem playing sports where NOBODY believes me and I'm constantly slandered with false accusations. It's ruined by ability to enjoy most non-officiated sports.

I have been accused of cheating/dishonesty/dirtiness so much in sports I could write a book. It always puzzled me: I'm a stereotypical Aspie in that I'm honest to a fault and have called myself out and refused to take calls in my favour if I knew they were wrong and nobody seems to notice and acknowledge that. However, if I try to politely point it out the other way (like a baseball being 6 feet foul), everybody (both teams) gets all upset and attacks my integrity with accusations of cheating or making false accusations. All I can assume is that since I am ultra competitive, everyone makes the assumption I would do anything to win. It reality, I have NEVER gotten a penalty as a hockey player EVER (the refs even joked they would be happy to give me one if I wanted) and have NEVER done anything dishonest in sports. I value sportsmanship and fair play and see no honour in defeating a defenseless opponent yet I still get regular accusations of cheating. One guy even threw a bat at me in a softball game because I hollered "GOOD WIN!" to my team. I also hit sub 5 foot girl in the face with a dodgeball as she ducked and everyone accused me of trying to intentionally injure her (WTF?) Yes, I have thrown/broken sticks and other equipment (my own) in frustration but it has always been in private away from other players. A bunch of guys warned someone not to give me a hockey stick to borrow because I would break it but I treat others property like gold. It even got absurd where I was seen as a poor sport for WINNING by a significant margin. Not bragging, not taunting, not refusing to shake hands, just winning!

Am I the only person in the world who is a wuss and a rule follower yet is insanely competitive? Why does everyone assume being competitive means wanting to skirt the rules when they aren't the same thing AT ALL? Just because I'm competitive doesn't mean I'm cutthroat in fact I am the complete opposite of that. Dare I say knowing a guy who used to be a NHL goalie coach most NHL goalies are like that as well? Before you point it out, I'm aware that there is an enourmous difference between recreational and competitive leagues and do adjust my behavior accordingly. Still, doesn't seem to help at all!

There are social rules for sports as well as official ones, and most players take the social rules at least as seriously as they do the official ones. If all you're sensitive to is the official ones, yes, other people will get angry.

I used to be a sports official. I can tell you that the unwritten rule of "common sense" is taken far more seriously than any of the official rules. People would argue official rules with me when they saw they had an argument to do so.

An example of common sense and sportsmanship in one game:

As a former soccer referee, I can assure you that I handed out more yellow cards for dissent or unsporting behaviour than I ever did for any bad tackles or fouls. Now if I'm in a game where I am not handing out any cards to one side for such offenses, the other team will not cooperate with me if I hand out cards to them. Not only will I lose cooperation from the team that is angry, I will also lose the respect of the team that is not receiving any punishment for misbehaviour. Both coaches and their teams may very likely refuse to shake my hand at the end of the game.

But I DO have common sense and try to follow the "social rules" that's what frustrates me. I always let a inch or two offside or foul ball slide but when it's BLATANT I don't see the issue with politely pointing that out, especially when it's done to me over the slightest little details and nobody says a thing. I'm sorry if I sound rude as I don't mean to but what social rules are you talking about? I ALREADY AM fair, sportsmanlike and respectful! I won't target a out of bounds player in dodgeball or after a match has ended but I'm not going to avoid taking out a girl just because she is a girl especially when girls will target me and other guys. If they don't like it, that's their issue and they shouldn't play just as I accept I might get drilled with a ball in baseball by a strong hitter. Besides, nobody has any problem intentionally targeting my weakness and I never for a second considered them to be cheaters! That's what bothers me the most: the whole inconsistency of it. If both myself and the other nitpickers were equally falsely accused, it wouldn't bother me nearly as much.

Probably two reasons:

1) Dishonesty is an excellent winning strategy that's actually employed by quite a few people. People feel that those who are eager to win might place winning above other things such as honesty.

2) Never underestimate the power of emotion to distort reality.

It might be just society that is turning people into whiney,butthurt crybabies. Also maybe there is the fact that when you play on a recreational team, allot of the players are going to flat out suck and that these sucky players will always be blanketed and pampered by their teammates, friends and family members.
But when you watch pro sports, nobody is ever getting crap for being competitive or for celebrating a big win. There is a huge difference when people are getting PAID MILLIONS to play.

Excellent points! I guess I never made that connection and no doubt part of that has to do with being an Aspie. That's why I decided to post this here rather than random discussion. I can come across as 'desperate to win' but in reality even today a puck just crossed the line and only I saw it. I informed everyone on both teams that yes, it was in even though it eventually cost us the game. Maybe I am just a REALLY rare breed!

What further aggravates me is when a couple of guys were blatantly cheating, I tried to call them on it and my team all said in unison "dpn't worry about it" I genuinely don't understand.

Yeah, like that.

You're a strong guy. You decided that it's someone else's problem if a very small girl gets in the way of your ball; after all, she put herself in the situation. The rest of the world's going to pile on you for that decision. According social rules, your job is to make sure you *do not* clock her in the face, or otherwise hurt her, because (a) she's a girl; (b) she's way smaller and probably weaker than you.

And yes, there are inconsistencies.

this is one of the reasons i don't play sports

another thing why do people try to hurt you on purpose just to win when its only a game its stupid this goes for practice as well eg once someone broke one of my ribs with an illegal move when i got the better of him when i did bjj