Social Events

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My mind would like to go places and at the time, I agree to go but when the event date comes up, I find an excuse not to go. I am aware it is a 'me' problem. I knuckle up just thinking about actually physically going places. I also find myself detouring away from groups of people in anxiety of confrontation, even though I may know someone in the group. Can anyone else relate to this?

I just did that this morning

Yes. My husband and I have had to FORCE ourselves to go to family gatherings.

We feel like we have to now---so that our son will know more family than just the two of us.

However, before he was born---we usually found all kinds of excuses NOT to go...One time, I actually took an extra shift at work so that I would have a "real" reason not to go to a party.

That's so me!! !
It happens to me all the time.

This afternoon we're supposed to go to a party being thrown by hubby's cousin.
Last week, it didn't seem like a bad idea- but now.... I'm suffering. My anxiety about these situations sends me running to the bathroom. And now, there's no way you can actually get me to go.

Hubby won't be going either- but that's because he doesn't want to go to a family event without me. So far, we've only been to 1 wedding and 1 christmas dinner with his extended family. There's a legend that I don't really exist.

Yes! I'm totally like that, many times I will definently avoid going past a crowd of a few people *especially* if there is someone I know! Even if I generally like that person or feel indifferent. Because then I might have to stop and actually talk (!) argh, and I might get introduced to the other new people, aaaargghhh, and I might even have to kiss some of the women on the cheek (normal in the country where I am now), aaaaargghhhh! (the kissing part is ok though if it is an attractive woman! heh).
Most of the time, I will sneak out the backdoor of my office building to avoid running into people I know in the front-shop...
I sometimes like to be with people and meet new people though, but ONLY when I feel like it, I don't like being forced to by circumstance....

why not just go? make it routine to goto this crap.
even if u think u wont like it right b4 u leave, go anyways. if its that bad, u can always leave.
i personally also don't goto that crap.

I do the same thing as well!

I asked my mother if she could try and book tickets for Art Garfunkel in London for March just after xmas, and now I regret it immensely. I love the music of Art Garfunkel, but I do not deal with loud noise and crowds at all. I dread having a panic attack or something.

I hate going to things, but people, even family and friends, generally accept that I won't go. I used to make myself go, but then I would be physically ill from the whole thing or worse, pass out, then I'd be in bed for days recovering from overload. Now, I just flat out say, "I can tell you I'm going to go, but we both know I won't." They seem to be able to handle that.

i have found that making an emergency escape route and having it all planned was the best way to deal with my party anxiety.

i have kids, and they make a great excuse "can't stay long, the kids were not feeling so well when i left the house". so at least i put in an appearance. also, kids make you tired, so saying you are too tired to stay long is something people totally understand.

also i make it a point to not mingle, i just go to the host and say hi, then get some food and park myself in a corner. food at parties is something you can put your concentration on and ignore the rest of the people and they understand.

It's funny that when I read this part, I automatically though, Oh my God. I would have a complete meltdown is confronted with food. There would be all that food to choose from and those smells. Just thinking about that overwhelmed me. I guess the food thing would never cut it for me! I'd be sitting in the corner writing and having a fit if they interrupted. I don't have the kid excuse (we've already had to get past the whole I don't want kids ever thing and they made it through that). I'll just stick with, I can say I'm going to be there but we both know I won't. They tell me they don't take it personally, they know I won't go so they've stopped expecting it.

Sun Rat, I do this, too. First thing I do in a strange place is scan for the exits. Feels like I'm a spy or an outlaw LOL. For family/friend functions, I plan ahead with my exit excuse. Really reduces the anxiety.

I'm the same way for the most part. But the reason I cancel is because I don't feel the need to socialize with people and making BS small talk with people I have no intrest in seeing again. Its a waste of time, IMO. Its not from not wanting to physically go.

(I need to clarify my statement, if I may...)

Absolutely...the socialization aspect is the key factor in my decision to stay home. Just thinking about the social exchanging puts me into high anxiety but at the same time I feel like I am missing out on the fun and getting left behind, by my own accord...catch 22...sigh. My mind wants to engage in social activities but my mind is my own poison that keeps me captivated and unresponsive so I physically shut down as well. Does that make sense?

I think if you want to go and you can't, you need to go to a doctor and get something. There are medications that help with that. You should not be held back from something you think you would enjoy. It's a lights, sound, smell thing, I think they can treat that with bio feedback to desensitize you.