Should have said that a bit better

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I love talking about taboo topics. Y'know politics, religion, society ills and how things should work and various other little things about the human condition that make life (for a lack of a better word) interesting - can't help it, they are just so fascinating and I love acquiring information. But so many times I tend to leave out points in a discussion that, if left out, either make me look like a fool or come across as mean/spiteful/bigotted ect. For example, I am an atheist and am none too fond of religion as a whole; I will discuss this freely with anyone who wants to talk about it and while I don't hate all religious people just the ones specifically who make life miserable for everyone around them.... if you can put two and two together then you can see the error in social contact and the later regret for sounding like a jerk. Most people tend to see religion as a race even though it is merely a widely accepted process of thought. I also tend to leave out my own perspective, for fear of ending the conversation early or offending the opponent... that or simply forget to add an opposing point in the heat of the conversation. Later I think... "should've said that" or "why did I say that?".
In a public setting the embarrassment and anxiety meter skyrockets.

I know this, unless I know the person extremely well (which I would say is only the case with two people I know online and my direct family) I avoid stating my own perspective and sometimes avoid starting those topics.

I might have to add that the (random) person I'm talking with (usually only if I don't know it) often interrupts me and disrupts my train of thoughts which makes me skip/forget important parts which makes me end up in the "I forgot to say this and that" thoughts.

By the way, extremists of any kind are dangerous, the "excuse"/initial reason/motive doesn't even matter all too much, usually they all act the same way.

Whether dangerous or not, extremists of any kind are obnoxious.

I used to do the same thing many years ago, except that I often took cruel delight in pinning believers to the intellectual mat and savagely dismembering their belief systems and shattering their faith. I suppose that was because my parents are fundamentalists and I had felt trapped and suffocated by their religion since I began to ask questions nobody could answer as an adolescent and yet was forced to continue to attend church until I turned 18, and I had a lot of resentment to work out.

However, through all those years of anger at the faithful and their god, I must admit, no matter how foolish I may have felt their adherence to ancient primitive "fairy tales'" may have been, they and all the truly committed believers I have ever known, have had a calm assurance in their lives that I have never had - they are unflappable in the face of adversity, because of their conviction that no matter what happens, there is meaning and purpose to every event and some ever watchful creator will guide them through it, if only they surrender to his will and trust that he knows what he's doing better than they do.

And I have to tell you, they have, on the whole, had success where I have failed, had peace when I was overwhelmed by chaos, and happiness while I have experienced repeated depression and despair. It doesn't convince me that their dogma and theology are the infallible truth they believe then to be, but I can't argue with the fact that they have been essentially happy and I have not. Maybe it's the autism that makes the difference, I don't claim to know, but I must say, in many ways I envy them. I wish I had something I could cling to that made life that much easier to bear.

In any case, over the years, my arrogant atheism has been tempered by my fascination with the concepts of Quantum Physics and String Theory. Underneath all the quarks and gluons and particles and waves, I'm not sure there isn't some sort of intelligent consciousness inherent in the unfolding of the universe after all. My suspicion is that it's got more in common with Hindi and Buddhist mysticism than with Hebrew, Christian or Muslim scriptures, but it makes me suspect that there is still a great deal left for humans to discover about the universe, our place in it and even what exactly, we are.

So I keep my mouth shut now. Whatever the truth may turn out to be, who the hell am I to attack someone else's belief system if those beliefs are making them happy and they aren't killing anyone over them? I don't have to agree with them, but neither is there anything to be gained by shoving my own ideas down their throats - because when you do that, you become the very zealot you despise.

As Bob Dylan once put it quite eloquently:

In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand
At the mongrel dogs who teach,
Fearing not that I'd become my enemy
In the instant that I preach.
My existence led by confusion boats
Mutiny from stern to bow
Ah, but I was so much older then
I'm younger than that now.

Everyone thinks they are soo damn smart, yet no one can tell me where that 5 grams of weight goes when you die.

People that believe they do not have a soul cannot tell me what it is when I am in a dream (not just having one), running, and flying around doing whatever I want, and just exactly what the heck is going on when I'm tripping my balls off, and I am not really here. Why meditation, and dreaming feels different (It's just my brain playing tricks on me right? Answer my first question first please.)

People that do believe they have a soul, believe it can only be used when you die. Why? (Western religions mostly).

O.k., I'm an extremist. Extremely in my own little world.

When I think of religion, or a group that is lack there of, the only vision I get is sociopathic cult group leadership, and the homeopathic version of a natrum. One leads, the others follow. One guy on a podium, and everyone listens.

I may be wrong or crazy, but at least it is me. My path. Unafilliated. Without influence. Not following. Looking, searching, and believing in myself.

In the real world, I keep my big mouth shut. People don't normally like it when I talk about stuff like this. Especially the "religious"

Oook... to clear things up, this isn't a talk about religion or lack thereof I merely used religion as a topic example and to be blunt most of those conversations start up when someone tries to force their religious views upon me; it is concerning social ineptitude and anxiety when engaged in certain topics in conversation during and post the event. I do small talk sometimes, but don't normally engage random people in deep conversation unless provoked; they normally just go there by themselves. Being the type to enjoy a decent conversation, I indulge them and I am too anxious to say "I don't want to talk to you".

Well... there is a big oops on my part. I will shutup now . I guess I went there by myself there didn't I. My parents never talked about the stuff. My dad said he went to Catholic school, and he didn't know what the heck was going on. He is still waiting for someone to tell him. I can usually catch my anxiety, and embarassment before it happens. That is when I clam up, act like I don't know anything, and try to remain interested. Then I go home, and try to decipher what had been said just to see if i can make any sence of it.