Trying to understand myself

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Hey everyone, i was just surfing around the net and I was directed here by the gremlins that make the intertubes work.

I am not really sure what to say, or what i am hoping to get out of this site and forum. As i have been thinking about my life in recent years, i have started to suspect that i have some form of AS, even if high functioning. I have a good job and i am independant so i can't really complain, but i also seem unable to reciprocate emotions in any major way. That caused me to be divorced this last year.

Looking at a number of tests online and looking back over my life has made me really suspect AS. Very hard time socially in school, no social life as an adult, no friends since i moved from home. When taking the online quizes, which i know are not proper diagnostics, i always come out rather high towards AS. It was a shock to me when i was doing a test about facial expressions and couldn't figure out 3/4 of them.

My girlfriend tried to explain what emotions are like to her and it sounded alien. Feeling warm when happy, cold when sad. Being overwhelmed. I have emotions i guess, but just not like that.

Again, i am not sure what i am looking for here. I guess i could ask this; Is there any point in getting a diagnosis if i am functioning pretty well? The only thing i can think of is i kinda wish i had some social lessons in school. Beyond that, i might just like being somewhere where people understand my strange way of thinking

Hi MPatte, welcome to WP.

You have landed in a great place to help figure yourself out. Thank the internet tube gods for that! I suggest that you take your time and read a bunch of threads here and really get to know us and see if you "find yourself" through our experiences. As far as getting a diagnosis, since you are in the US it can cost quite a bit of money depending on what resources are available where you live and what kind of insurance you have. You will want to look into the costs before you begin the venture to see if you want to go that route. You also want to see if there are any services available to you in your area. I went to an Autism expo this past Saturday in my area and I was really happy to see that there were sports groups and social clubs for adults in my area. Because I found out that I am on the Spectrum after the age of 18, I am not eligible for state or government run services. These are pretty much geared to help children and if you want help from them you have to be diagnosed before you were 18. But as I found out at the expo there are private organizations and non profit organizations who are happy to help adults. So at least we are not left alone in the cold. Other than Special Olympics, I think the organizations I have signed for are local to my area so you will want to see what you have where you are. There are members of this site who live in your area so they will be better equipped to help you there.

About your question about whether or not you should get a diagnosis just to get social skills lessons. If you want my opinion, I would say no, don't bother getting one just for that. I don't have an official diagnosis but if you find a little club like the ones that were at the expo I attended they will not care if you have an official document or not. They are happy to help you without one.

But take a look around here, ask many questions and hopefully we will be able to help you.

Those tests are not meant to be diagnostic. However, if the symptoms of AS fit you and can grant clarity and explanation to your life, then AS is a strong possibility for you. I am one who believes in getting a diagnosis, since you can't be certain any other way. Moreover, with a diagnosis, you can then see a therapist who specializes in AS to help you achieve self-acceptance and change your thoughts and behavior so that existing in society is easier.

Getting a diagnosis just to satisfy your need to know is perfectly legitimate: I got the results of my test today, and the relief at knowing I'm really not crazy and that there's a legitimate reason for my problems was incredible. I felt frustrated and "in limbo" for a long time prior to diagnosis, never knowing whether I belonged in the NT or AS community, but knowing for real has lifted that burden. If you feel okay just thinking it for yourself though, and can't see yourself in need of any present or future supports at work or school, there may be no reason to go the diagnostic route. Just be aware that some NTs won't take you seriously if you just tell them you're self-diagnosed; they might think you're making it up, delusional, or attention-seeking. I haven't run into any of those people personally, though I know of others on here who have.