Hello everyone. Recently I've done research regarding mental disorders because I have high suspicion that I might have one. At first I thought I might of had bipolar disorder, but then I found a couple articles on autism that caught my eye, especially when I started learning about Aspergers.
As I child I never suspected anything different about myself, but as I've matured I've increasingly become aware that I am not like everyone else. I did have strange behaviors such as social anxiety and the need for schedule. There were also periods in my childhood where I have been a loner, but the signs weren't as apparent as they are now. One of the main reasons why I decided to make a post on this website was the name itself, Wrong Planet. That term cannot describe enough how I feel here on Earth. I observe people and realize how irrational and strange they act. I see how shallow and self centered their lives are, how completely unaware they are of their own existence. How pointless and almost mindless their ways are. I feel like an outsider looking in. I am able to hold the guise of a normal functioning being, but having to put much effort is suffocating and draining.
I am only close with one other person in my life who I can be myself with and no one else, including my family. I am very selective of who I choose to be around and talk to, but I will pretend to tolerate if I have to. I have always been introverted my entire life and never saw the need to have many friends. I have an eye for detail and I will notice any change before me. I also believe I have hyper sensitive hearing at times which was why I was paranoid as a child, but I have learned to tune it out most of the time. It also explains my hatred for loud crowds and tiny disturbances in silence or why some music can trigger tingles throughout my body.
I was considered gifted as a child, I was a fluent reader before kindergarten, always straight A's and honor roll, and I have been in a gifted and talented program since elementary. I am now almost graduating from high school and have stopped trying. I can barely focus in the classroom environment now because I find it extremely suppressing, unstimulating, and slow. Everyone thinks that I am too lazy or stupid for not caring about my grades or wanting to go to college, but I see no point in investing any of my time towards pursuits that are of no concern to me or having to be part of a self-crippling, vile inducing society.
I have intense passion for learning and my interests include physics, cosmology, astronomy, mathematics, and philosophy. My interests are the only things that make me feel alive, I Live for them. I cannot understand why everyone else fails to be passionate about these things and it angers and confuses me how self consumed and simple they are, which contributes to my overall disgust of most people. These emotions have only been progressing as I've aged and is one of the main reasons why I believe that I am different.
I've taken many online Aspergers tests: on the AQ test I got 42, on the Rdos Aspies test I got 155 out of 200, and on the RAADS-R test I got 88 with all sectors in yellow. After receiving these scores I was almost positive that I had Aspergers, but I still doubt myself. Maybe I am wrong or trying too hard for an explanation. I would ask my parents to have me psychologically evaluated, but I fear they will only think I am insane or deficient and try to put me on medication, which I do not want. I would not have a problem having Aspergers, I only want to know why I am this way and why I can feel so alone on my own planet at times.
11 Apr 2014, 10:47 pm
welcome to the club 
you are in the right place 
