Autistic Parents, with Autistic Children

Post Reply New Topic

Question, for those of you on the spectrum, who have had children on the spectrum.

Do you feel guilty, knowing you helped spread your autism to your child?

My mom does not feel guilty because she doesn't believe either she or I have autism. Now, I can't say that she is autistic, because I am not a psychologist (yet) and even if I were I'd be too closely related to do a proper evaluation. But she has nearly every autistic trait I have, and then some. She just got lucky enough not to have serious executive functioning issues like I do, and so she's been on-and-off employable.

As for me, I'm asexual, so I have no reason to reproduce. However, if I were to have an autistic child, I would not feel guilty. I would just feel all the more motivated to make the world into the sort of place where that child could live happily, as an equal.

It's not autism we suffer from. It's prejudice, lack of resources, lack of acceptance.

The decision about whether or not to have a child is up to our individual judgment. What's much more important is that if we do have children, we are committed to becoming the parents they will need.

I didn't realize probably had autism when I fathered my son(I also did not know it is likely genetic).

All I knew was I was a very weird kid that somewhat grew out of it.

That sounds so bad..

I am not currently, but do one day wish to be a parent. Some of us here finding answers can probably give the best environment possible to an autistic child. We have lived that hell and can avoid a lot of problems they might have otherwise faced.

I think it would be harder for me to deal with NT teenagers.

I have NT parents--perhaps within the Broad Autism Phenotype. I have no kids.

I guess it would depend on how the autism manifests itself.

who should you feel "guilty" for having autistic children ?

They're the future

No.

The world is lucky to have such an awesome person in it

My child was diagnosed with ASD before I realized I have ASD, it was actually my doctor who said, "Um, I think you have autism as well!" I hadn't even considered it before hand.

I am now in the process of getting my diagnose but I fit the criteria and my test scores have been revealing that I most likely have ASD.

I do not feel guilty, my kid is awesome! The most guilt I feel is that after I am gone, if they can't care for their self, that they will be left alone, I can't know for sure if they are going to be loved and cared for, if they will be scared and alone, this destroys me.

Last edited by LoveforLoki on 15 Apr 2014, 11:02 am, edited 2 times in total.

We are all scared and alone. Sometimes we are next to someone who is also scared and alone. Let us all be scared and alone together

I don't have kids yet but I think, if I did have kids and one or more of them ended up autistic, I would be able to help and support them, not only because I have Aspergers Syndrome myself but also because I have worked with children and teenagers on all levels of the spectrum for the past five years. I certainly wouldn't feel guilty.

My father doesn't because he thinks he is completely normal and that my mother is the "weird" one who has passed autism to me and my brother. He isn't in denial about it though. He simply states it as a fact.
My mother sometimes is in denial that my father passed the disorders to us, more for my brother than for me (he has severe autism, I am high-functioning) but most of the time she simply states it as a fact as well.
I am not angry at my father for it because I'm happy to be alive and anyway I think that most of my flaws depend on my personality, not my disorders.
I don't know how my brother feels about it. I mean, he can't talk, and it's not like I can read minds.

I'm an autistic parent with two kids. I had them before my diagnosis, and the one I'm thinking of isn't diagnosed, but she is showing a lot of signs. As for guilt for autism? Not in the least. If she's anything like me (which my mom says she acts a lot like me at her age), I can just count myself as lucky to have such a wonderfully odd child.

What I am guilty about is she seems to have inherited my sensitivity to others' emotions. I may not know what I'm picking up, but it overwhelms me and I can't stop crying. It took me until middle school to figure out how to "push others out". I vividly remember the constant pain and fear around people.

Do you feel guilty, knowing you helped spread your autism to your child?

I feel more guilty about passing on being short, fat, and ugly. However, having traits that make you unacceptable to a world destroying itself in a flood of dissipation may not be the curse it seems. Passing on a Christian faith seems more important and helping them cultivate a sense of humor seems the best coping skill to provide.

This sort of question appears now and then on this website, or variations thereof, for instance, young women on the spectrum debating whether they should have kids.

I had kids before I figured it out. I have yet to be diagnosed, but I believe it. And yes, and times I feel guilty about it.

Something bothers me though.

Before I found out about the whole Autism/Asperger's thing, I had read some article about traits of engineers, specifically the sort of engineer that went to a four year accredited college. Of course, many of the traits in that article applied to me, for example, taking things black and white, not liking lying, not many friends. Jump to the conclusion - high correlation between begin an engineer and being on the spectrum. There's probably some correlation for accountants, artists, musicians, actuaries, and some other professions.

So .... if people on the spectrum that are aware they are on the spectrum, on average start having less children ... our country will have less engineers, accountants, etc. That is to say, our country (or any European country) could be at a competitive disadvantage.

So ... we are doomed to a life of being bullied and marginalized and yet providing a great service? Of being used? Sort of like the clones in Star Wars: The Clone Wars?

Feel guilty for having had a part in creating some of the most incredible people in the world? [maybe just a tiny bit prejudiced] Hell NO! 70 years ago, would you have asked such a question of a black person? I do not feel guilty. I do feel EXTREMELY responsible for doing whatever I can to eliminate the judgements, discrimination, and enormous unneeded obstacles our young people face.

Why would I possibly feel guilty. I feel honored. I feel blessed. I do not feel guilty.

I dunno...

I mean, I've wanted kids since I was really little, but recently I had a breakup, so I'm not so sure now... Even if they had autism, I wouldn't care. They would have someone to relate to as a parent, and so would I.