Define Social Situations

Post Reply New Topic

I'm only learning about Aspergers from today after being diagnosed this morning. So although I've read a lot about it, I am still very confused. I just made a post in another topic, and wanted to ask the definition of struggling in "social situations" and how this differs from other situations with people in every day life. And if others feel the same way, or different.

I understand social situations to be things like a party, a day out with family or friends, school playground, bingo night, going to a pub or a club with others, christmas lunch at work, in the classroom at University etc. And these are situations where I really struggle a great deal. At a party I'd be the one in the corner sitting on his phone checking his non existent messages on his phone, and pretending to send a reply to the non existent message in order to appear "busy" as an excuse for why I'm not involved in the party. The chances are I wouldn't even turn up to the party anyway. I just find them difficult, and not fun for me.

But then there's situations that I struggle to understand if they're classed as social situations. Sometimes I could be hanging out the washing, and my neighbour would be doing her garden and she'll start a conversation. Usually about the weather first - why does everyone start a conversation about the weather btw? But then she'll move onto other things. And in that situation I'm not entirely comfortable, but I can manage. But even then I struggle to end the conversation and not know when or how to finish it. I'll usually just end up saying "one moment my phone" and then never return. Which is probably awkward. But those sorts of things are manageable.

I'd imagine most here struggle in social situations. It's a big deal for me. But are there situations with other people where you can get by ok? Or feel some normality? And if so, care to explain them?

Any situation in which you are interacting with another human being is a "social situation," in terms of autism - including those times when the other person isn't even saying anything to you and you are uncomfortably attempting to determine if you should say anything, or if they'd rather be left alone, and hoping they don't glance over and make eye contact, forcing you to react in some way.

They are all situations in which your autistic brain, already overloaded with too much sensory input due to a higher than normal number of neural receptors, is required to deal with the additional task of reading and interpreting another human's nonverbal signals.

It's something we tend to be particularly bad at. The major signals are easy to recognize - tears, sighing, sobbing, frowns, etc., but the more subtle stuff might as well be invisible - and as for knowing how to respond - the neurotypical (NT) brain apparently comes pre-programmed with all the proper responses, but the autistic brain, not so much. Even in those rare occasions where you 'kind of' know that that person could really use a hug, it feels so awkward and unnatural to actually do it, that inhibition and hesitation cause a sort of momentary paralysis and then the moment is passed and it's too late.

It's difficult enough with one person, but when there are two or three or more, it can become overwhelming. OTOH, a large crowd may not be so bad, because of the anonymity - you can just disappear into your own private thought bubble and ignore everybody then.

I know exactly what you mean here! And even when you do know a hug is in order, you can't physically bring yourself around to doing it. I've been in a situation where I still feel awkward about it to this day. A family member died and I knew someone needed a hug because they said it. I was sitting next to them, but I didn't know how to, or feel comfortable. So I didn't. Even when my partner hugs me I find it extremely difficult to do so back. She always says "Don't you love me your not hugging me back". She does understand why now though. Makes me cringe thinking about it, let alone doing it. It's like nails down a blackboard type of thing.

So far, I feel "normal" around other autistic people. If a person is highly empathetic, I also tend to be somewhat comfortable. I may even be able to make eye contact a bit.

I finally started to be myself. I used to try and "fake" eye contact. I suspect I still had a lack of it, but it was far more than what I do. By being myself, I'm able to slowly be more comfortable with people in general.

I'm horribly awkward with ending conversations. I tend to keep talking, and other people walk away. I don't really process the "cues" that someone is trying to end an interaction unless they actually say "stop talking, I'm leaving". People usually talk about the weather as a sort of filler. It's a way to get a conversation started that's not very specific or offensive. It's an "ice-breaker", if that makes sense. A way to introduce yourself that's very well known.

I don't mind an intimate embrace, but I'm not so good at initiating them.

Social hugging is just weird to me. I have an old friend who's a social hugger and I've gotten used to it, because I know that's just how she is and it's all out of love, but it still seems like such a strange thing to do, to walk into a room and immediately start grabbing and hugging everyone you see.

And it leaves perfume on your clothes.

Perfume/makeup is a bit of sensory or allergic issue with me. Feel like choking with some of them.